Christmas owned??????????
 

NORTH POLE (API) - MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa
Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference
held via satellite from Santa's summer estate somewhere in the
southern hemisphere.

In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to
Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In
addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of households
through the Santa Sleigh. The announcement also included a
notice that beginning Jan 1, 2004, Christmas and the Reindeer
names would be copyrighted by Microsoft. This move was
facilitated by the recently acquired MS Court.

Microsoft stated its commitment to "all who have made Christmas
great," and vowed to "make licensing of the Christmas and
Reindeer names available to all." It is believed that the
guidelines for licensing these names, due before Halloween,
will be very strict. When asked "Why buy Christmas?" Bill Gates
replied "Microsoft has been working on a more efficient
delivery mechanism for all of our products for some time, but
recognized that the Santa Sleigh has some immediate benefits.
We'll use it first for the release of WindowsXP and Office
XP."

In a multimedia extravaganza, the attendees were shown a
seemingly endless video stream of products that make up the
deal. It ended with a green and red version of the Microsoft
logo, and a new Christmas 04 trademark, leading into the
announcement of the first product from the deal.

Vixen, the new Director of Holidays and Celebrations said, "The
first step is to assimilate Christmas within the Microsoft
organization. This will take some time, so don't expect any
changes this year." She continued, "our big plans are for next
year, when we release Christmas
04. It will be bigger and better than last year." She further
elaborated that "Windows98/2000/ME users who sign up with MS Network
will get previews of Christmas 04 as early as November first."

Christmas 04 is scheduled for release in December of 2004,
though one unnamed source said that it is dangerously close to
the end of the year and may slip into the first half of
2005. An economist at Goldman Sachs explained that a slip would
be catastrophic to next year's economy and the nation's tax
revenue, possibly requiring the IRS to move the deadline for
filing income tax returns to three months after Christmas,
whenever that was. "But it could be good in the long term," he
explained. "With Microsoft controlling Christmas, we may see it
move to May or June, which are much slower months for
retailers. This may serve to even out the economy over the
year."

When asked if other holidays are being considered, Mr. Gates
explained that "Christmas is the flagship of holidays, so we
wanted to start there. Not all holidays are available for sale,
and the remaining will have to show a good long term business,"
suggesting that holidays with a short history may not be in the
plans.

Though specific terms of the agreement were withheld pending
final FTC approval, a Santa official confirmed that the deal
was "sizeable, even for a man of Santa's stature." Some
analysts think that Santa has saturated the Holiday market, and
is looking for a means to expand his business to year 'round
products and services. Others contend that the Jolly Red Man is
looking to retire in Redmond.

A spokesperson for the most famous Reindeer could not be
reached for comment.