THE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO GREAT BRITAIN : funny!
 

THE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO GREAT BRITAIN Nov 17 2003


That's this itty bitty country due east of the States where folks talk kinda weird, Mr President

By Ruki Sayid And Damien Fletcher


1, LONDON is the capital of the UK which is an independent country and not your 51st State.

2, OUR Sovereign is Queen Elizabeth II (that's pronounced second not eleven). You must not put your arm around her and call her "honey" or "l'il lady". She is to be addressed as "Your Majesty" or "Ma'am" at all times.

3, HER eldest son is called Prince Charles not "Chuck". Don't talk to him about butlers, valets or ask him if he's seen any good videos.

4, WHEN you sit down to a state banquet you use the cutlery starting from the outside. Big Mac and fries won't be on the menu.

5, THE RAF won the Battle of Britain not Tom Cruise or Bruce Willis.

6, WE live in a democracy and as such have the right to demonstrate so if your route is lined with thousands of anti-war protesters, don't ask for them to be extradited to Camp X-ray.

7, WE say trousers not pants - unless of course we are referring to your foreign policy.

8, WILLIAM Shakespeare, our greatest playwright, wrote Romeo and Juliet, not Zefferelli. Don't ask to meet Will - he's dead.

9, BE sure to register for the congestion charge when your motorcade drives through London or mayor Ken Livingstone will hit you with a £40 fine for every car.

10, WE put milk in our tea, not ice, have toast not waffles for breakfast and walk on the pavement not the sidewalk.

Have a nice day...not!



:1orglaugh

Well damn if that is the way they are going to show us respect, I guess we should have just let Hitler have them. :1orglaugh :1orglaugh
No disrespect meant towards the British I love them all. Just being :1orglaugh

(like the Brits BTW.....lived in Bristol, Swansea, Liverpool and london for 4 years.)

BTW please note additions to quote above.....

Also remember not to ask about the breed of dog standing next to him.....it's actually his girlfriend.

LOL!!! Nice additions...

Wow you're ignorant. What does GW have to do with the USA helping in World War 2? Man you Americans have to stop being so insecure, I know you're a newer nation, but you have to grow up one of these days. Making fun or insulting your President IS NOT THE SAME as insulting you or your country. You're country is great, your President is an un-elected madman who lies to you every time he opens his mouth. If you knew anything you'd know that the Bush's were actually on the OTHER SIDE of that war... good old Prescott Bush.

It's sad to see how the whole "with us or against us" propaganda campaign has actually worked on a lot of the USA. Questioning your President is not being unpatriotic, in fact it's the opposite.

THE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO GREAT BRITAIN Nov 17 2003


That's this itty bitty country due east of the States where folks talk kinda weird, Mr President

By Ruki Sayid And Damien Fletcher


1, LONDON is the capital of the UK which is an independent country and not your 51st State.

PLEASE NOTE THAT AT VARIOUS TIMES WE HAVE HAD TO KICK/SAVE THEIR ASSES.

2, OUR Sovereign is Queen Elizabeth II (that's pronounced second not eleven). You must not put your arm around her and call her "honey" or "l'il lady". She is to be addressed as "Your Majesty" or "Ma'am" at all times.

SHE LIVES OFF OF THE CHARITY OF THE BRITISH PEOPLE IN GREAT WEALTH WHILE PERFORMING IMPORTANT DUTIES LIKE OPENING HOSPITALS.

3, HER eldest son is called Prince Charles not "Chuck". Don't talk to him about butlers, valets or ask him if he's seen any good videos.

ALSO REMEMBER NOT TO ASK AVOUT THE BREED OF DOG STANDING BESIDE HIM....IT'S ACTUALLY HIS GIRLFRIEND.

4, WHEN you sit down to a state banquet you use the cutlery starting from the outside. Big Mac and fries won't be on the menu.

DON'T BE STARTLED WHEN EVERYTHING ON THE PLATE IS BOILED TO A MUSHY GREY TEXTURE.

5, THE RAF won the Battle of Britain not Tom Cruise or Bruce Willis.

HOWEVER THE BRITISH WASTE AS MUCH TIME FOLLOWING THEIR CAREERS AS THE REST OF THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE.

6, WE live in a democracy and as such have the right to demonstrate so if your route is lined with thousands of anti-war protesters, don't ask for them to be extradited to Camp X-ray.

MUCH LIKE HERE IN THE U.S., EXEPT THEY ARE ALWAYS BEING RAINED ON WHEN THEY PROTEST.

7, WE say trousers not pants - unless of course we are referring to your foreign policy.

LUCKILY TONY BLAIR FOLLOWS YOUR FOREIGN POLICY CLOSELY, SO THEY USE"PANTS" WHEN REFERRING TO THEIR OWN LEADER AS WELL.

8, WILLIAM Shakespeare, our greatest playwright, wrote Romeo and Juliet, not Zefferelli. Don't ask to meet Will - he's dead.

DON'T BE SURPRISED WHEN THEY ASK YOU WHY EVERYTHING IS BIGGER IN AMERICA.

9, BE sure to register for the congestion charge when your motorcade drives through London or mayor Ken Livingstone will hit you with a £40 fine for every car.

YOU WILL NOT NOTICE THIS AS WE CAN AFFORD IT.

10, WE put milk in our tea, not ice, have toast not waffles for breakfast and walk on the pavement not the sidewalk.

(SHRUGS) WE ARE TWO PEOPLES SEPERATED BY A COMMON LANGUAGE.

Have a nice day...not!

I think the congestion charge fine is £80

That's Craaazyy!!

What's the average wage in the UK?

I heard that on the radio this morning..which paper was it in?

Seriously though, making Hitler comments because someone is making a joke when their city is being drawn to a halt because of a visit that is costing them millions of pounds. Relax, people are allowed to joke.

This one:

http://images.icnetwork.co.uk/upl/mi...BFB6FA0000.jpg

Ever seen the traffic in central London before the charge? Seen it after? Ever gone to Central London for the afternoon and come back with a nose full of black stuff because of the zillion and one cars. Good on Ken!

If you can't afford the money take the public transport. There is pleanty of it, it has its problems but having grown up in the middle of the woods without any public transport at all I find it a godsend. What is more Ken has made it so that there are more busses that get places faster. He has only just been able to have control of the underground from the national gov't so he can't be blamed for that just yet.

notice how Jonny looks like Bush a bit with that facial expression?

cute...i can't actually imagine putting milk in my tea though

Poor GW. :ak47:

took me about five years before I tried it..it is okay but I don't have to have it.

What is funnier is watching the ice tea companies trying to introduce ice tea to the UK markets. I am sure most Brits are put off because they think of tea with milk and I agree with them that cold milky tea sounds gross.

Yeah, but no matter how long I live here I will ALWAYS value a good glass of iced tea. There are a lot of things that I have adapted to after 4 years in the UK...curry instead of mexican, sweet popcorn instead of salted/buttered, duvets instead of sheets and bedspreads...but I don't drink hot tea (with milk or without) and I don't think I ever will. YEUCH!



More on topic, I hope that Bush finds the British people totally inhospitable. Maybe then he'll get the idea that just because Tony Blair blindly followed him into the disaster that is Iraq, the rest of the country much preferred to look on from afar. Shame democracy doesn't always work the way it is supposed to.:2 cents:

Lots of good advice, but isn't that too much information for our beloved Yale educated president to take all at once? :helpme

What does this signify? :1orglaugh. Fun maybe teasing.

I am not going to get into a political debate with you. I have heard all of this shit before.
*Saying with a winy voice*, "American sucks!! Everybody there is stupid, the whole world hates Americans. American should do things the way we want. Every President is a drug using, womanizing, liar who blows up there own people. Everybody in America is related to Hitler. I know everything, more than the FBI. I get top secret information that no one knows about. Everything I assume is true and factual. My motives are pure and right your motives are evil. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!"

I don't care what you THINK!!! I love my country and think it is great. So :321GFY

:)

I *so* know what you mean. I bring over mix every time I go back to the States. I am going to have to hunt down a supermarket in Vegas just for that purpose.

I like going to France and Belgium for the day because ice tea is freely available. You have to be careful there too though because some places there carbonate their iced tea which I will put up with if I have to but would rather not.

really, it is just a joke article. Relax.

What common language? Are we talking about English and American here? I suppose it almost sounds the same as long as you don't have to look at the version written in American :winkwink:

I was relaxed. :)
My original post had the little laughy guys it and I thought it was very funny. Then this guy Rich jumps in and starts calling me ignorant and saying how much my President sucks and shit. Well he is not mine, but you know what I mean. Oh well. I guess some people are always thinking and stressing about how the glass is half empty!!:) NO harm done. Just wanted to let him know I was not going to dance with him. :winkwink:

lol, please don't take it the wrong way if I giggle - t is with you not at you - that sounded like you were typing a zillion miles an hour.

hahah

LOL... nicely put... This is just a "satyrical humor" thread..
:)

:thumbsup :1orglaugh