If you are a republican...
 

1) You have to believe that the nation's 8-year prosperity prior to W's
administration was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George H.W.
Bush, but that today's growing deficit and rising gas prices are all Clinton's
fault.

2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success
all on their own.

3) You have to be against government programs, except Social Security
checks on time.

4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives,
yet you want government to regulate your personal sexual and reproductive
decisions.

5) You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as it makes a profit.

6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray
to Allah or Buddha.

7) You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about
her own body, but that large multi- national corporations should have no
regulation or interference whatsoever.

8) You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your
hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and former President Clinton.

9) You have to believe that society is colorblind and growing up black
in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote
for Alan Keyes.

10) You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken Starr to spend
$50 million dollars to attack Clinton because no other U.S. presidents
have ever been unfaithful to their wives.

11) You have to believe that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun
is bad because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern
for all Americans.

12) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools,
because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.

13) You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because they defend the
Constitution, while the NRA is good because they defend the Constitution.

14) You have to believe the AIDS virus is not important enough to deserve
federal funding proportionate to the resulting death rate and that the
public doesn't need to be educated about it, because if we just ignore it,
it will go away.

15) You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals
of 6th graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the
Bible, which is full of sex and violence, is good reading and right on the mark.

16) You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have killed more
Americans than handguns, alcohol, and tobacco.

17) You have to believe that even though governments have supported the arts
for 5000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art were paid
for by governments, our government should shun any such support.
After all, the rich can afford to buy their own art and the poor don't need any.

18) You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old growth U.S.
forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and the extinction of the
several species of plants and animals therein.

19) You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt Gingrich,
Henry Hyde, and Bob Livingston for their marital infidelities, but that bastard
Clinton should have been impeached.

20) You have to believe that George W. Bush really won the last election.


Peter Laird, Creative Manager
The Miami Herald

that was gay

No, you don't. You could be Democrat, a Jew, an English Fucking Lord and still believe all that, or you could be a republican and hate Bush. Anyone who gets their opinions or "facts" from a newspaper are all stupid ucnts that are buying into other people's bullshit.

There goes 3 minutes of my life I will never get back.....thanks porn dude

Given their timeliness, I will take more newspapers over text books and historical texts drenched in partisan optimism.

Take everything with a grain of salt, but that above piece if one of the best things I've read all year....

All you Bush haters should be happy to know that there is a third Bush (Jeb's son) that will be president in 2012 :thumbsup

Not much in there you can argue, though, is there?

Newspapers are a great source of news. You can find out what is happening. They aren't a decent source of WHY it is happening. I concur 100% with what you said. It is rather sad that everything we are taught in school is to develop our cognitive mind to a certain mold.

Wonderful stuff. Love it. :thumbsup

If you're a democrat
1) You have to believe that the nation's 8-year prosperity prior to W's
administration just magically happened the day a rube from arkansas stepped foot into the whitehouse but that today's growing deficit and rising gas prices magically started whe W stepped into office.

2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth should be stripped of everything their parents worked to give them just because your parents chose to live hand to mouth off the public dole.

3) You have to be for government programs, since the rich pay and you recieve the benefit

4) You have to believe that government should be involved in every part of your lives except personal sexual and reproductive decisions.

5) You have to believe that profit is evil and that we could all lear to just eat grass and live in harmony with mother nature.

6) You have to believe in free speech as long as its not so free as to include religion

7) You have to believe that a once the Federal government decides their is no federal right to abortion, all 50 states will quickly outlaw it , and that large multi- national corporations really aren't the people giving you a job and if we'd just regulate them out of existance, money would start growing on trees, just like mommy said.

8) You hate religion and all it stands for but then sneak off to church every sunday.You also think that 20 years into the aids epidemic, AIDS victims are STILL not responsible for their actions.

9) You have to believe that society is colorblind unless your black
in which case you should be handed everything because after all, none of your ancestors every had any hardships. but you still won't vote
for Alan Keyes because he's an uncle tom.

10) You have to believe that it was stupid to investigate Clinton because every other U.S. president accepted bribes from china or had trouble with the definition of *is* too.

11) You have to believe that the first amendment not only covers speach but every other form of expression but the second amendment only covers the national guard even thought there was no national guard when the amendment was written.

12) You have to believe it is wise to give condoms out in schools because we want our kids to have sex before they understand it's consequences.

13) You have to believe that the ACLU is good because they defend the
Constitution, while the NRA isbad because they defend the Constitution.

14) You have to believe the AIDS virus can't be stopped by having self control but only by spending billions on programs that don't work..

15) You have to believe that biology teachers are educating 3rd graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, even if its not age appropriate.

16) You have to believe that handguns, alcohol, and tobacco walk out onto the streets and kill people every day and no one is responsible for pulling the trigger, drinking too much or making the poor choice of smoking

17) You have to believe that governments have supported the arts
for 5000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art were paid
for by governments, even though the opposite is true
After all, it wasn't the rich can kings and queens who were patrons to the great artists, it was the democracies of that era. which democracies you ask? good question.

18) You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old growth U.S.
forests is better off dying an rotting in the woods than being harvested.

19) You have to believe that we somehow don't hold Newt Gingrich,
Henry Hyde, and Bob Livingston to the same high standards as that bastard
Clinton even though clinton spent his entire career lying.

20) you have to believe that just because we caught clinton lying a couple times doesn't mean he told other lies.

21) You have to believe that we'd all be better off with Al Gore in the white house..

I don't get this... Wouldn't Jeb's son be the fourth Bush or do you figure Jeb doesn't have any chance?

And why 2012 and not 2008... or 2016 should Jeb be elected.

Holy hell... 24 years of Bush. I would be an old man.

Jeb won't run.

2008 is too soon - he just graduated from law school this May.

damn 12clicks your quick

:thumbsup

:thumbsup

You forgot one:
You have to beieve that declairing war on things will solve the problem immediatly.....i.e. war on drugs, war on terror, patriot act....

Most of all you must believe anyone who dissagrees is a "liberal left wing freek!"

You are a republican if you think arsenic is a vitamin.

You are a republican if you're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.

You are a republican if you think you might remember laughing once as a kid.

You are a republican if you fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."

You are a republican if you don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."

You are a republican if you've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.

You are a republican if you believe the "greenhouse effect" means better gardens.

You are a republican if you believe God is everywhere - except your motel room.

You are a republican if you think of reality TV as Fox News.

I think both democrats and republicans are a bunch of fucking nutjobs...

everyone in politics is a whore, it's all a matter of who your pimp is.....

this is the first thread where I've actually liked 12clicks response


It's just polictial satire people,


In reality our politial opinions aren't going to affect our day to day lives on a regular basis past what car we drive or what we recycle.... we might as well be able to laugh and poke fun at them.

That cut and paste job is just moronic reasoning by a bitter college-aged liberal.

:thumbsup

Nope ! Just the facts Ma'am!

Actually I am 36 with a wife and two kids. But I expect that kind of thoughtful response from a republican. If i have said it once I have said it a million times...

ADULT WEBMASTERS THAT SUPPORT THE REPUBLICANS
ARE LIKE CHICKENS THAT SUPPORT COLONEL SANDERS

That about sums up my opinion of politicians in general,
Thanks:thumbsup