Oh god, the site ideas people come up with
 

http://www.porkjerky.com/suicide.htm

:1orglaugh

ya like that huh?

Not really. But clever way to do word of mouth marketing. :winkwink:

first thing i noticed was they spelt curt instead of kurt cobain... not like i care but just shows how much the site is gay

I like the translation feature

Dear Fellow Pawns;

For the last decade, I have lived a lie that I can no longer go on with. I have started each of the last 3,762 days by convincing myself that McDonald's would bring back the Double ZestaBurger--if only for a limited time and at only select locations. It was the only way I could get myself out of bed and through the day. Alas, I can no longer lie to myself about my future. I now accept that it is bleak. I do not control my destiny, nor my happiness.

Like all of you, I am just a pawn in McDonald's global marketing plan. The same company that has returned the McRib 193 limited times in the last 10 years has never given my well-being a second thought.

Well, McDonalds--You win. You have killed the will, spirit, and soul of Cuervo. Now my body will follow. Thankfully, I will be going to a better place. A place where my existence won't rely on decieving myself. A place where my happiness won't be controlled by a multi-national conglomeration of grill cooks in cheap suits. While my body will be buried in the same ground where Ray Kroc's is surely spinning; my soul will be with his in heaven. Not here in purgatory controlled by the whims of MBA's from Hamburger U. Together Ray and I will forever feast on that delicious ambrosia, the Double Zesta Burger.

Sincerely,


Cuervo

P.S. All those gay pornos aren't mine. They're a friend's. And I was superimposed.

Listen Up Dumbfucks:

Most people kill themselves because of a mental condition. This is true in my case too. The condition I suffer from is that I am not normal, I am not like every "sane" person in the world.

I am not normal in the sense that I am not like every other one of you brain-dead zombies. I can think. I can reason intelligently. I can observe and learn from life. I can make my own decisions and follow through on them. And I can do these without any aid from celebrities, T.V. or radio. Unfortunately, every one of you shit-brained lemmings in the world seem to lack these skills and I can't fucking take it any more.

Since everyone else in this world is a fucking retarded drone who revels in their ignorance and unintelligence, I must put an end to my misery. I truly wish I was normal. I wish I could be a fucking retarded drone whore like all of you. I wish I could have the same conversations day in and day out about sports, politics, or "how about that weather, huh?" But I cant. Sure you'll see this note and say cezam's the crazy one. You have to it's the only way you can go on thinking you're sane and your pathetic life is meaningful. Go ahead, call me the weirdo like everyone else surely will. Then return to your happiness of everyday mindless monotony.

My only wish is that the bullet I put into my brain doesn't kill me but only leaves me brain dead. For if ignorance is bliss and everyone of you fuck-for-brains is truly happy, then living a life without a brain stem in a coma must surely be utopia.

Leave my machine plugged in you fucking retards,


cezam

P.S. All those gay pornos aren't mine. They're a friend's. And I was superimposed.

Funny how people go straight for the gay porn. :winkwink:

I know I did :winkwink:

I should've used this when I quit, :1orglaugh :1orglaugh:


Dear Boss Name,

Since Company Name refuses to allow its employees to maximize their abilities I will no longer be employed here. Why, for the love of god, this place continues to hinder efficiency and happiness by rationing Post-it Notes: I do not know. But I do know that I will have nothing more to do with this mismanaged fascist organization as it continues to compromise its own viability with self-induced Post-it Note anemia.

Yes, transgressions and exploitations of the prior Post-it Note distribution system were prevalent and blatant at times, but that in no way justifies the current anorexic system that will surely lead to even worse company waste and destruction. So effective immediately, I resign my position as a Programmer in protest of this Post-It note embargo.

Peace, I'm Out;



P.S. Hopefully the monkey you get to replace me won't throw his own shit with the accuracy in which I did mine.

Hahahaha :thumbsup

Dear World;

I am not some psychotic fuck or pathetic loser trying to end my worthless existence. Nor am I one of these pussies using "suicide" as a cry for help. I kill myself tonight as king of the world. Things could not be better.

Which is why I leave this world. Things just can't get better. I have reached the pinnacle of life, and not just my life, the zenith of existence itself. Bliss, Nirvana, Utopia. I am at the top of the mountain, not at the bottom like most suicidal fucks. Unfortunately, knowing that, I cannot go forward with the days ahead because they will never again be as good as tonight. I just snorted not 1, but 2 lines of coke off of not 2, but 3 girls' chests. Then we all 4 made sweet beautiful love. The kind of tender sweet beautiful love they sing rap songs about. Then we washed rinsed and repeated it all.

It is truly the best night that could ever be, which is why it must end tonight. Life can now only get worse. Nothing is left for me here in this world. Every seemingly joyous moment from here forward would be compared to tonight and fall miserably short. I will never surpass the level of happiness that I have tonight. So, I'm going out on top, high as hell, feeling good, and my seed spread across the faces of 3 beautiful women. It's nice to be me.


Viva Life,

Armed & Hammered

P.S. I cemented/superglued all my orifices shut, so you coroner pricks can't steal my fillings or sex up my corpse.

I wish more people would kill themselves. It would save me the trouble.

Cezam sounds like he watched the Matrix one to many times....

Dear Ungrateful World;

Although everyone on Earth has failed to give me even half the accolades and adulation that should go with me, Kayla, being the 3rd coming of christ, I will still fulfill my destiny. For you insolent pukes, I will shed my blood to once again open the gates of heaven.

Start erecting statues, singing songs, scoring touchdowns and doing other shit for my glory, because you fuckers owe me big,



Jesus Christ III
a.k.a. Kayla

P.S. Tell everyone I'm not psychotic.

Dear Fellow Followers of God;

There comes a time in every person's life when god calls upon them to ritualistically remove their own liver. For me, that time is at hand. And I, RefaStud, am not a blasphemer. Nor am I disillusioned about the consequences of fulfilling god's edict. I know that at best I will be left bileless, most likely dead. Let this be my last testament. Let it be known that while my body lies here in Applebee's bathroom full of riblettes and those little cheese thingies, but empty of a liver; the rest of me is in a better place and surrounded by the spirit of the lord.

Rejoice: Do not mourn or question.
Kudos to the lord,


RefaStud

P.S. Please mail my cable bill, it's on the credenza.


:1orglaugh :1orglaugh