The Wisdom of Homer Simpson - post your favorite Homer quote here!
 

Relax. What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind! --Homer Simpson

Mmmm, sacrilicious. --Homer Simpson

Oh look at me!!! I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man from happy land, with a gumdrop house on lollipop lane! Oh by the way...I was being sarcastic. --Homer Simpson

Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that. --Homer Simpson

They have the Internet on computers, now? --Homer Simpson

Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back...unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back or you can go out there and find your dog. --Homer Simpson

http://members.tripod.com/impinknet/Homer.html

Here's a bunch of them.

"Rockstars. Is there anything they don't know?"

marge: is this what you thought married life would be like

homer: pretty much, but we'd drive around in a van solving mysteries.

doh!!

homer is cool

Saxamaphone....saxamaphone...

"Let me tell you about the greatest place in the world - doggie heaven"

That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college! --Homer Simpson or was it Serge Oprano

Donuts

Homer golfing with his boss... stuck in the sand trap.

homer's boss: "Use an open faced club, a sand wedge"
homer: "mmmmm... open faced club sandwich"

"I'd give it all up for some mag wheels" - Homer

i sale short aim screen name "homer"

Hey, just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand

was it

[email protected]


i think that was it.

"There's so much I don't know about astrophysics. I wish I'd
read that book by that wheelchair guy."

That's also my favorite episode.

"mmmmm.. gelatinated donut"

Alcohol, the cause of, and solution to all of the world's problems

"they have the internet on computers now!!"

homer simpson

hehehehe

"shut up brain or i'll stab you with a q-tip"

"Marge, I haven't learnt a thing"

<sung to the tune of golden crisp jingle>
"I guess I forgot to put the foglights in~~"

"He he he... you got the Dud!! <gestures to Milhouse> kinda' looks like you poindexter!!"

<After Stephen Hawking makes a speach>
"Hey, Larry Flynt is right!!"

"It's kind of like that guy who went into space.. what was his name?? Apollo Creed???"

<Homer> "Me and your mom have been talking, and we're thinking about giving up the puppies"
<Bart and Lisa> "NO!!"
<Homer>"Mainly your mother!"

I'm not sure if I got all of these verbatim. And this is one of my favorite Marge quotes:

<Marge: after pulling out Whiskey, Condoms and tampons from a shopping bag> "I don't know what you were planning for tonight, but count me out!"

That is my favourite quote and episode followed closely by -

"Homerclese cares not for beans!"

From the episode where he eats the big sandwich and is too sick to take the kids to Duff Gardens.

lol :1orglaugh

actually its beer, the cause of, and solution to all of the world's problems

"There's no moral, it's just a bunch of stuff that happens."

Lenny: "...If I may compliment you homer, that's one handsome rattle snake you got biting your leg..."

Homer: "...ehh, he'll give up in about an hour....snakes, nature's quitters..."

<img SRC="http://members.shaw.ca/billy1-99/pics/homer.gif"> "Everybody in the world is stupid except me"

Apu: "I always knew Karma was baloney"
Homer: "Mmmmmm....caramel baloney"

"No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy"


"No TV and no beer make Homer someting something." "Go Crazy?" "Don't find if i do!!!!! Heehee.

first you get the sugar
then you get the power
then you get the women

trying to sell sex tonic in a shopping mall,


Homer: excuse me sir, you look like a man who needs help in satisfying his wife


:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

Marge: Homer, are you really going to ignore Grampa for the rest of your life?

Homer: Of course not Marge, just for the rest of his life. He said I was an accident, he didn't want to have me.

Marge: You didn't want to have Bart!

Homer: I know, but you're never supposed to tell the child

Marge: You tell Bart all the time, you told him this morning.

Homer: But when I do it, it's cute!

"No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed."

"Stealing! How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain whats-his-name? We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughin', did you?"

"Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.'"

What are you gonna do? Sick your dogs on me? Or your bees? Or dogs with bees in their mouth so when they bark they shoot bees at me?

I don't want anything weird...just give me the mumu.

Homer: I'll take the 357
Gun Shop Guy: Ok you'll have to wait 3 days
Homer: 3 DAYS!!!! But I'm angry now.

sorry forgot this one

I like my beer cold...my TV loud...and my homosexuals flaming.

Damn! You beat me to it!:thumbsup

Bart about homer..


"My dad's always yelling that Whitey's keepin' him down."
-Bart Simpson

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. --Homer Simpson :cool-as-a

Bart (reading from invitation): Come to Homer's BBBQ. The extra "B" is for BYOBB.

Lisa: What that extra "B" for?

Homer: That's a Typo

Singing to himself in the bathroom mirror:

Oh Mindy,
You came and you stayed without flaking,
But I sent you ben gay,
Oh Andy!

:1orglaugh

You got my favorite!! :1orglaugh