Offensive jokes
 

You've been warned.




Q: Why did Jeffrey Dahmer keep a blender on his porch?
A: So he could greet visitors with a handshake.

Q: How do you know that a leper used your shower?
A: The bar of soap is bigger.

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

Q: What's worse than getting wine off the carpet?
A: Getting Di off the upholstery

Give a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set him on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
A: Gonorrhea

Q: What's the definition of disgusting?
A: Stuffing a dozen oysters up Granny's hahahaha and sucking out 13.

Q: What do you do after raping a deaf, dumb and blind girl?
A: Break her fingers so she can't tell her anyone

Book ban: Curious George and the High Voltage Fence.

Q: How do you make an 8-year old cry twice in one night?
A: Wipe your bloody dick on his teddy bear.

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe.
She had so many kids her uterus fell out.

Do your kids miss their dead Grandparents?
Cremate them and put their ashes in an Etch-A-Sketch!

Q: Why didn't the cat eat it's supper?
A: Because I nailed its head to the floor

Q: How do you stop kids from bed-wetting?
A: Give them an electric blanket....

Q: Who's always happier than a nerophiliac in a morgue?
A: A pedophile in charge of an orphanage!

Q. What kind of a file makes a small hole bigger?
A. A pedophile.

Q: What do elephants use for vibrators?
A: Epileptics!

What's the best thing about fucking a two year old?
Your dick looks huge in the photographs!

The most important thing for a plumber to learn:
Don't chew your fingernails.

Mercedes recalled Dodi's car for finish problems
It seems some Di got mixed in with the paint!

Quit bitching about sucking my dick.
At least you don't have to worry about a dick bleeding in your mouth.

I love kids except the skinny ones are little chewy...

Build snowmen with name tags of your neighbors,
Then hack off a different part of their body every day.

Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral,
which have been painted brown and attached to the
skull by screws, can make a child look like a deer

Never hit anyone bigger than you because it's not nice,
and you will get the shit beaten out of you.

A boy asks his father, "Can I have twenty bucks for a blow job?"
His father replied, "I don't know. Are you any good?"

What does a jewish pedophile say?
Hey kid, wanna buy a piece of candy?

Q: What's blue and doesn't fit?
A: A dead epileptic

Q: Why is taking a good shit better than sex?
A: Because you don't have to kiss it afterwards!

Q: What's green, covered in crumbs, and lies on the side of the road?
A: A dead Girl Scout

Q: What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?
A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

Q: How can you tell if your dad has been screwing your sister?
A: Because his dick tastes different.

Q: Why do doctors always need hot water when they deliver babies?
A: So that if the baby dies, they can make some soup.

Q: What's grosser than gross?
A: When Siamese twins are attached at the mouth and one throws up.

Q: What is worse than a dead dog on your piano?
A: An infected pussy on your organ.

I don't like people who smoke cigars in public places.
That's why I carry a water pistol filled with gasoline

Q: What did the deaf, dumb and blind kid get for Christmas?
A: Cancer

Did you know that in this country alone
there are over 1/2 million battered women?
Just think......All this time you've been eating them plain.

I used to be a necrophiliac, but the rotten bitch split on me

In my spare time I like to go to the playground and watch
the kids run and shout. They don't know I'm using blanks.

hmm

Twisted. I like 'em

:)

A boy asks his father, "Can I have twenty bucks for a blow job?"
His father replied, "I don't know. Are you any good?"

:1orglaugh that's just plain wrong.

:1orglaugh