Guido Express Lane
 

Pulled from njguido.com

-- THE GUIDO EXPRESS LANE --
The proposed Guido Express Lane, or G.E.L., is structured identically to
the H.O.V. lanes introduced in the late 90's across much of NJ, NY and
PA.
The following requirements for access to the G.E.L. will apply to all
vehicle occupants:
Cut-off shirts or wife beaters must be worn at all times. If the vehicle
is a convertible, no shirts are allowed.
Capri pants must be worn. Addidas pants are acceptable only with
matching jackets and a Kangol hat.
All vehicle occupants must have identical haircuts - spiked all around
(including the back) or must have shaved heads. All sideburns must be
shaved to a point.
All body hair must be completely shaven.
All vehicles in the G.E.L. must be considered "exotic" or "luxury cars,"
but must be paid for by the driver's parents.
Vehicle must contain at least 13 pounds of fake silver bracelets and
necklaces.
Necklaces may only be loose enough to allow minimal breathing.
Should any member(s) of the vehicle fail to comply with any one of the
aforementioned requirements, said member(s) will receive a two-month
suspension from Joey's in Clifton and Tempts.
In addition to the obvious ecological benefits, the proposed G.E.L.
would also provide the following free of charge:
Upon entering the G.E.L., the vehicle's radio would automatically be
tuned to a satellite feed of "What is Love" by Haddaway or "Louder Than Love"
by TKA. (Driver preference)
The center divider would be lined with Sunburst Ultra Sun 4000 series
tanning lamps which would run 24 hours a day to ensure a perfect pre-beach/club
complexion. To become a G.E.L. member, you must be Italian (or try
really hard to look Italian) and test positive for steroids.
So the next time you're at a dead stop at exit 143 for two hours, take a
minute and think how much you would appreciate a G.E.L. I, and all the
Tri-State area guidos, am counting on your support!

:boid

alias is a guido :thumbsup