tell me your best joke
 

A flasher walks by two old ladies sitting on a park bench and exposes himself. One of the old ladies has a stroke?the other one can?t reach it.

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake?

One less drunken Irishman

LMAO!:1orglaugh

What did the pad say to the queef?

You're the wind beneath my wings.

did you hear they just discovered the first gay dinosaur.....
there calling it megasaurass

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."

The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room.

Shots were heard, one shot after another. Then the agents heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.

She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."

:helpme

:1orglaugh

2 guys are drinking at a bar when one turns to the other & says
"Right, time I was going home, the wife
only lets me have 4 beers"
His friend says,
"No, no, no, that'll never do.
You should do what I do.
Drink as many beers as you can fit down you, follow that with 5 tequilas, 3 whiskeys & a bourbon!
Then go home, shove your head under the
blanket & lick your wifes pussy like crazy, she WONT complain after, trust me!"
So the 1st guy says "FUCK IT!!",, gets
tanked and wobbles home.
After he stumbles up the stairs he opens the bedroom door, and without hesitation,
dives under the blanket and licks away!

After 5 minutes he figures "Right, best
go wash up or she'll never kiss me like this "
So off to the bathroom he goes.
When he gets there he see's his wife, laid there in the bath reading a book.
"What the fuck!!" he shouts out.
"SHUSH!!" she wispers back to him
"You'll wake your mother!!"

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

:1orglaugh That one was GREAT!

One fine morning the milkman arrives at the house of family Jones. Mrs. Jones opens the door, and asks him to come inside. She invites him in the kitchen, where a huge and very good breakfast is prepared for him. He sits down and very much enjoys all the excellent food. When he is finished she asks him to come upstairs, and the milkman certainly has a good time!

When they dress and go down, she gives him a 5 dollar bill. Now the milkman is really surprised, and asks where the 5 dollars are for. She replies: "Well, yesterday I told my husband that is was your birthday today, and he said: "So what, fuck the milkman, give him 5 bucks." But the breakfast was entirely my idea!"

what a nice story:) learn your lesson while you could..wifes can be retards at points of life..:helpme :helpme :helpme

What's black and blue and doesn't like to have sex?

The 5 year old boy in my trunk.


Heard that one from a 75 year old man at a golf course.