GoFuckYourself.com - Adult Webmaster Forum - Attention! The DUCster Needs Some Immediate Help.. Please Read!

Since this is the first time I've been allowed to write in a medium outside of my own website, I thought I might spend a brief moment introducing myself to you. I am an Australian born to a Seventh Day Adventist preacher daddy and his cancer-ridden wife - my mommy - who died when I was five. I have a lot of anger inside of me because of this...to say nothing of the fact that I desperately wanted to break into the world of porn journalism and was shut out by every editor this side of the San Fernando Valley which forced me to go on the attack on my Web Site, dukecord.com. I hate all of you, by the way.

On the positive side, I am obsessed with second-rate radio talk-show host Dennis Prager, who no one but myself recognizes as one of the great Jewish philosophers of out time. My daddy would disagree. I hate him and want to shame him for allowing my mommy to die. My lustful yearnings for Mr. Prager and my hatred for my father inspired me to convert to Judaism, a religion that allows me to wear funny little hats and hobnob with pornographers who, if they aren't Jews, are Italian mafiosi. I hate all of them too...

It's funny how so many Christian girls seem so willing to engage in such morally repugnant behavior as long as some Jew is waving a buck in her face. Which is why I'd like the opportunity to sit down with a little cutie like Gina Ryder and discuss the moral imperative to be found in the Book of Leviticus. That goes double for Inari Vachs. Both these girls seem to have a strong predeliction for partners of nonwhite races. Is it the Jew influence at work here, or is it the evil machinations of the Italian mob? I find myself oddly attracted and repelled at the same time. Which brings me to Bonita Saint. What a whore. A lot like my dead mommy who got cancer and left me on my own at an ungodly early age. I've never gotten over her death - or the anger it caeses me to this day. one day, I will get off my soft, lazy ass and write about my feelings in detail. As I've said elsewhere, to live is to die; to love is to die. Die, die, die.

Again, I seem to be slipping from my moorings. Which is why I saved Pussyman's Campus Sluts for last. Director David Christopher, like so many porners, is, of course, a Jew. There is a very Jewish line of thought throughout this video. As we all know, the American college campus is overrun by Jews, who, like their fellow Jews worldwide, are just not content unless they are plooking Christian girls. Thank God for the Sabbath, when we can all reflect on such wordly issues.

Unfortunately, my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is starting to act up again and I feel myself getting tired. I need to crawl into bed where I can stare at the poster of Dennis Prager that I have taped to my ceiling and leisurely stroke myself off imagining myself in his tender arms while he whispers passages from the Torah in perfect Hebrew just for me. Dennis, if you are reading this, please know that my love for you knows no limits. Make me your bitch. I need it bad.

BTW, I went to synagogue this morning and I wasn't asked to the Torah to say a blessing. I'm very angry about this.

I want to turn a 1943 Torah Scroll Into A Totally Stealth Heat-Seeking Cruise Missile.

That's right. I need to get absolutely everything that can be ripped out gone from the scroll and I want to be able to by remote control have the scroll unfold like a flower revealing the "giant flower pot"

No I am NOT kidding so please don't fuck with me.

I mean it and I am genuinely asking for some help.