HELP! The elderly lady next door thinks she caught me Masterbating... Now she wont talk to me!
 

OK, so I woke up late this morning and it was 10 mins to 10. I have a Fitbit on, and its set to count 250 steps an hour from 9am onwards. Realising I had to cheat to not spoil my records, I started shaking my hand back and forth at waist level, to notch up steps on the Fitbit...

As I was doing this, I pulled back the curtain to see my elderly female neighbour outside hanging out her washing. She must have seen my hand going back and forth, and put 2 and 2 together to make 5 !

She shouted something like 'You Filthy Pervert' at me, and stormed off back into her house. I waited for a while, and had a cup of tea and I finished dressing etc, then I went round and knocked to try and explain.

Basically she said (From the other side of a locked door) that she knew what I was doing, she wasn't born yesterday and that she has never heard of a 'fitbit', and even if a 'fitbit' does exist, then it shouldn't be used for me to do that at her out the window. I had to leave because she said she was going to call the police!

What can I do to resolve the misunderstanding?

Call your local paper and ask for their help in getting the message to her. You can also contact "Dear Abby" and see if they'll do a piece on it. Or you can slip a video if you actually masturbating into her mailbox and explain how the hand motions are completely different?

did you go over and tell her your last skittle was stuck to your nutt sack? :Oh crap:Oh crap :helpme:helpme :1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

Don't give so much of a fuck about it.

There's your help.

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

Tell her it's normal. It relieves stress. IF you were masturbating, you're in your own house behind curtains. She needs to focus on her bloomers and other laundry and stop being so nosey. Show her your FitBit and if she has doubts, call her a pervert for watching you wank!

Might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb - go over to her window, look in and have a good old wank right there.

Masturbation isn't a crime . . .

... and you give a shit ???

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

Sage advice ! :helpme

Take a crap on her door step, what have you got to lose ?

I believe that giving/taking shits is the man's main business . . .

/Thread :2 cents: :upsidedow

She must be just an old frustrated woman, no cock for a long time. You made a mistake going to her with explanations, but don't worry, life goes on. All lonely men do it and women do it too. She might forget all about it very soon anyway.

You could start with getting dressed first before using fitbit?