Funny IM Conversation.
 

Friend of mine sent me this just before:

Her: Hi
Him: hello
Him: who is this?
Her: just a someone?
Him: A someone I know?
Her: nope
Him: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
Her: well sorrrrrry
Her: I just wanted to chat with you
Him: why?
Her: nevermind your an asshole
Him: Hey wait a minute
Her: yes?
Him: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
Her: paranoid?
Him: yes
Her: of what?
Her: me?
Him: No. I'm in hiding.
Her: LOL
Him: Don't fucking laugh at me!
Him: This shit is serious!
Her: What are you hiding from?
Him: The cops.
Her: gimme a fucking break
Him: I'm serious.
Her: I don't get it
Him: The cops are after me.
Her: For what?
Him: I'm wanted in three states
Her: For???
Him: It's kindof embarrasing.
Him: I had sex with a turkey.
Him: Hello?
Her: You are fucking sick.
Him: Send me your picture.
Her: why?
Him: so I know you aren't one of them.
Her: One of what?
Him: The cops.
Her: I'm not a cop i told you
Him: Then send me your picture.
Her: hold on
Him: Hurry up.
Him: Are you there?
Him: fuck you, cop!
Her: Hey sorry
Her: I had to do something for my mom.
Him: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
Him: When really you were notifying the authorities.
Him: Weren't you!?
Her: thats not it
Him: Then what?
Her: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
Him: Most cops aren't
Her: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKHEAD!
Him: Then send me the picture.
Her: fine. What's your e-mail?
Him: Just send it through here.
Her: alright *PIC*
Her: Did you get it?
Him: Hold on. I'm looking.
Her: That was me back in may
Her: I've lost weight since then.
Him: I hope so
Her: what?!?
Her: that hurt my feelings.
Him: Did it?
Her: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
Him: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
Her: yes
Him: Alright let me find it.
Her: kks
Him: Okay here it is. *PIC*
Her: this isn't you.
Him: I'll be damned if it ain't!
Her: You don't look like that.
Him: How the hell do you know?
Her: cause your profile has another picture.
Him: The profile pic is a fake.
Him: I use it to hide from the cops.
Her: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Him: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
Him: Not to mention all the groceries.
Her: Go fuck yourself
Him: I was going to until I saw that picture
Him: Now my dick won't get hard for a week.
Her: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
Her: You've done nothing but slam me.
Her: you hurt me.
Him: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
Her: I thought you were bullshitting me!
Him: Why would I do that?
Her: I can't believe that cops are after you
Him: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
Her: FUC YOU!!!
Him: You'd break both of his legs.
Her: You're a FUCKing asshole.
Her: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
Her: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
Him: Ok. I'm sorry.
Her: No you aren't
Him: You're right. I'm not.
Him: HAARRRRR!
Her: I'm done with you
Him: Aww. I'm sorry.
Her: I'm putting you on ignore
Him: Wait a sec
Him: We got off on the wrong foot.
Him: Wanna start over?
Her: No
Him: I'll eat your pussy
Her: You'll what?
Him: You heard me.
Him: I said I'd eat your pussy.
Her: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
Him: Do I need a hard-on to eat your pussy?
Her: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
Him: Well I'm not like most men.
Him: I get excited in different ways.
Her: Like what?
Him: Do you really wanna know?
Her: I don't know
Him: You have to tell me yes or no.
Her: I'm afraid to
Him: Why?
Her: cause
Him: cause why?
Her: well lets see
Her: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
Her: doesn't that seem strange to you?
Him: Nope
Her: well its strange to me
Him: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
Her: I didn't say that
Him: So is that a yes?
Her: I guess so.
Him: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
Him: Are you willing?
Her: What do you need me to do?
Him: I need you talk like a pirate.
Her: ???
Him: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
Him: ok?
Him: Hello?
Her: You can't be serious
Him: Oh yes I am!
Him: It's my fantasy.
Her: this is retarded
Him: Do you want it or not?
Her: Yes I want it.
Him: Then you'll do it for me?
Her: sure
Him: Ok. Here we go.
Him: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
Him: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
Him: I softly begin to tounge your wet pussy.
Him: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
Her: mmmm yeah
Him: uh oh ...going limp.
Her: Har
Him: You gotta do better than that!
Him: Your picture was really bad.
Her: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
Him: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your pussy get more moist with every stroke.
Him: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
Him: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
Him: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
Her: mmmmmm you are good
Him: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
Him: going limp
Her: HARRRRRRR
Him: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
Him: You begin to sway back and forth.
Him: going limp
Her: this is stupid
Him: ...still limp
Him: Do it!
Her: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
Him: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
Him: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
Him: I see shit nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole.
Her: WTF?!?!?
Him: They stink really bad.
Her: OMG STOP!!!
Him: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
Him: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
Him: I ram it up your ass.
Her: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!
Him: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
Him: And turn you into a fucking candy apple...
Him: I kick you in the face!
Her: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!
Him: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
Him: Your parrot flys away.
Him: ...going limp again.
Him: Hello?
Him: Say it!
Him: HAARRRRRR!!!!!