Anyone ever do open mic night at their local comedy club?
 

I was looking around for an open mic night because I have a lot of ethnic, sexist, religious, and gay material I want to try out. I know it is good but I have really horrible delivery when I get nervous and then I just end up getting angry and calling everyone either a cunt, a whore, or faggot in a Tourette's syndrome type of spazz-out and then things tend to devolve quickly from that point. I want to give myself one more chance before I give up completely.

Look at the rules at my local open mic night : "Avoid doing racist, sexist or homophobic material (especially if it is mean-spirited).

The fuq else am I supposed to write about?

So far I have self deprecating penis jokes, abortion, how kids are free-loaders, and defecation. Any other ideas?

Write about your dick and write about your balls

I did it once in San Fran and tore the place down!

A few "agents" wanted to sign me but I was good

Gonna have to leave Seattle and take your act on the road, I'm afraid. They'd probably love you in the midwest.

Got that covered brother! At least 5 minutes of penis material:thumbsup

This is tailored to Seattle so naturally I have ugly female and beta male jokes as well:winkwink:

I got kicked off stage after 5 mins

Great start! Maybe throw in some "first time being cucked" material? Everyone loves dominant bull sex stories from an alpha. Or "how do you feel when your girlfriend has a dog that licks your balls while you fuck her? But lately he's been licking my hole... And going deeper"

Says the bixesual pervert :1orglaugh

Thank you for your input I hold it in high regard as always. Now getting back to me....I once fucked some trendy dingbat who would not put her little yappy dog in the other room when we had sex. Well one day as I was just starting to cum the dog jumped up on the couch and began licking my face. It ruined my orgasm and as I was walking away in disgust my dick dripped on the floor and sure enough that little yappy dog cleaned up every drop. I was so disgusted I kicked the girl and her dog to the curb and never acknowledged her existence again. True story bro.

Straight white guys have it tough - Have some kids and tell us how bad they are - It's a formulae that never fails...

I think I know where you are going wrong - Both the comedy career and your love life...

viking plus one? im down

My brother in law does, every weekend. He even travels from time to time.

Hehehe :thumbsuo

If you make it to Seattle I will take you to Oprah's favorite fried chicken restaurant. They even have a framed and autographed photo of her on the wall. My treat! I think I have already offered this to you last year.

dayum racist i hate chicken!!































that it is dry! :1orglaugh:1orglaugh hope i can get there this year! I will buy the beer! no cheap stuff. want to hit alaska this year with the wife and mom

That story was not meant to be funny. It was merely a fact-checked victim's account of an involuntary 3-way or could even be considered interspecies sexual assault as the last time I checked a person's moaning and making a fuck face does not constitute consent. Sorry Sparkey!

From the airport it is just a 15 minute drive to fried chicken Heaven.:thumbsup

rofl :1orglaugh:1orglaugh

jeez at my age hope it is not heaven :1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh just a good meal

Trust Oprah and escorpio. Best chicken in the world.

https://www.ezellschicken.com/upload.../14/slide1.png

https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images...s1_400x400.JPG

Brassdonkey just jizzed in his pants! :1orglaugh:1orglaugh

The bit about your cum dripping :thumbsup

I used to do stand up comedy at the Comedy Store on Sunset Blvd in Hollywood. Mitsy Shore had a rule that you couldn't do "Bathroom Humor" without getting the blue light which means "Wrap it up!".

Pick up the newspaper and watch the news and start poking at shit. Life is the most ironic, funny, and truthful thing to make fun of. You can go to the nasty shit in an emergency or if you get the blue warning light.

are you gay?