Horriscope by Adam Sandler
 

Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a
great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you do not pay
attention to anyone or anything. Everyone thinks you smoke a lot of dope.

Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22)
You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick
to reprimand, impatient and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off
everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.

Aries (Mar 23 - April 22)
You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the
FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you
for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.

Taurus (April 23 - May 22)
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work
like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are
nothing but a goddamned communist.

Gemini (May 23 - June 22)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are
bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means
your are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.

Cancer (June 23 - July 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems, which
makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you
will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is
a Cancer.

Leo (July 23 - Aug 22)
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most
leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your
arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and enjoy
masturbation more than sex.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking attitude is
sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and
often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality.
If you are a male you are probably queer. Chances for employment and
monetary gain are nill. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of
venereal disease.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22)
You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be
trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total
lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are
murdered.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely
on your luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are
drunks. You are a worthless piece of shit.

Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically
chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You
should kill yourself.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22)
You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be
trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total
lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are
murdered.

Why do I always get the "worst of the lot", "meanest in the horoscope" :1orglaugh

Makes me proud :winkwink:

Leo (July 23 - Aug 22)
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most
leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your
arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and enjoy
masturbation more than sex.

Frightning accurate :eek7

DynaMite

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking attitude is
sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and
often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.



i'm going to kill my high school guidence counselor!:ak47:

Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely
on your luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are
drunks. You are a worthless piece of shit.

Yep, got me down pat. *sigh*

Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically
chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.


I think he's onto something there, I just can't put my finger on it. :BangBang:

Aries (Mar 23 - April 22)
You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.


How can I flaunt my power and lack confidence at the same time?

The dates of the signs are wrong. Taurus starts on 4/21