Problem - I Need Advice...
 

What do you do when you need to interfere in a friends life - You know they don't want it and you will probably lose them if you do and possibly lose them if you don't...

I know this is a strange place for this sort of thing - However, I have found that sometimes your random thoughts help.....

Get someone else to interfere and see reaction then :D

It kinda depends on what the interference is and what both kinds of friend loss means.

Think breakdown with aggression along with massive denial - Third party involved - Also in denial...

Many years ago our best friend, who had moved across the country, came to visit us with her new fiance. This guy was a complete douchebag. They got shit faced on the plane, and drove to our house with open containers. The entire weekend they were both smashed. His parents were filthy rich in one of a handful of cities in Montana. They were part of the "social elite". He worked "summers running his landscaping business". He was ridiculous. This was our best friend - she is the god mother of our child - and I had to say to something. This was in a time before email, so I sent her a letter telling her this was a huge mistake. In return she sent me a card with cartoon picture of a huge cock. We went to her wedding - my wife was in the wedding party - and we never ever spoke of it.

A year later she called me up asking for computer help. She said she was cleaning and "knocked over the computer monitor". After forty-five minutes of "technical support" we came to the conclusion that her husband threw the monitor at her after beating her, and that both of them were complete alcoholics. She got a divorce, and years later we are still good friends and looking forward to seeing he and her (new) husband this spring.

My point is.... If you stand by and let your friend make a huge mistake, you aren't a friend. If you are both really friends you need to say something or do something. If your friendship is strong enough it will survive, if not you weren't really friends. But if you do nothing you most likely regret it for the rest of your life.

Thanks - You seem to have understood - That is the way I am leaning - Horrid situation...

Nobody can really help with you being so cryptic. Spill the beans Martha!

Generally speaking separate your friend from his current scenario to spend a few hours on an excursion. Get him out of his normal environment and pattern. Have a few drinks, maybe smoke a joint, and tell him your concern ;)

When you approach the situation, make it calm and seem like you're on his side and trying to help. Some people go about situations like this too aggressively and makes the other person feel like they're being yelled at or in trouble and makes things worse..

like rochard said - true friendship will stand, otherwise it was not so, probably

Maybe on your excursion, after you're high, (without telling him) "randomly" pass by an animal shelter, go inside amongst the cute cuddly animals and at the right moment casually bring up your concern. You just can't get angry amongst a bunch of cute curly animals that just want to be loved 💘

Confidentiality and all that - Remember that I was a nurse in a previous life - It comes naturally to protect 'the patient' and not give away to much info when asking 'hypotheticals' like this...

I am generally a fairly calm person in this sort of situation - Again it comes from my background - I can lose it, but only when people deserve it.....

ther is just one rule in that:
you will never help anybody when you resolve his problems.

you might hlep him by giving advise to NOT get into them or finding own ways to get out of it.
but if you resolve theoir problems you teached them only that there will be somebody there on the next idiot action.

the best school in life are problems and not solutions on a silver plate.

greetings

thommy

Does this friend owe you any money?

No - Pretty sure I owe him a fiver actually...

Be a friend and leave the guy alone ...

Agree completely Rochard. I'm glad you said something and that your friend ended up leaving alive - many didn't get that chance.

Good to hear your friend eventually got out of the abusive relationship. And good on you for stepping up to the plate and attempting to derail it from the beginning.

I respect that. :thumbsup

They will most likely end up in another one and probably much worse than the previous one and end up dead in the end thanks to him breaking up the first relationship.

Blood will be on your hands Eddy...can you live with that?

Not necessarily true.

I broke up my wife's first abusive marriage and got the scumbag outta her (and the kids) life.

That was 22 years ago.

Some guy I knew thought that a prostitute in Thailand was his wife, she always had an excuse why she couldn't come over to live with him yet, went on for years, he was making monthly payments to her, until it was 75% of his salary. Eventually he couldn't afford the rent on his own place, ended up sleeping on someone's bedroom floor. All his friends tried telling him, all failed, eventually after 12 years he saw the light and worked out he was being scammed, ditched her and stopped payments. Many friends lost permanently on the way.

It's very simple. the friend don't want you to interfere, you do not! Friendship is loyalty, you should not interfere that would mean you have respect for his decision. If someone asks for your loyalty and you give them, but the result is not in their favour, the person must understand that it's his/her fault.

A real friend will help.
A bad friend will fuck your bitch.

Don't "intervene". Spend more time with him, do things together that distract from the problem (hiking, fishing, playing video games with buds, fix a car engine - i don't know what you're into), and try to persuade/hint very softly, using rational and logical arguments. Use example cases to state your point ("i knew someone that bla bla bla, etc)

Walk away. Let them implode...then he'll hear your advice.

Oh yeah, in case this is a female "friend" - stay the fuck out as far as possible.

Men can't have female "friends", unless they want to get in her pants. So the best idea would be to stay out, wait out the storm and then move in if you're still interested.

Otherwise you're gonna end up in the middle of the shitstorm and being blamed for everything.

you wait for the crash. if they live you be there. you can't make grown people do what you want. if you start messing around in their stuff they may just distance themselves from you.

If you do nothing, you're just like everyone else :2 cents:

A friend is willing to risk a relationship to make a positive difference.

:2 cents::thumbsup

do what you must, and come what may

this is the best advice you can get.

now i can tell my cousin, his wife is having an extramarital affair.