I need Canadian jokes fast!!!!
 

Nothing against Canadians... I live 15 minutes from Canada and love the people and country.. I just need a few good American vs. Canada jokes.. anyone got any really fast?

Never gave it any thought.

I'm sure a google will come up with something.

An American is having his (coffee, croissants, bread, butter
and jam) when a Canadian man, chewing gum, sits down next to
him.

The American ignores the Canadian who, nevertheless, starts
a conversation.

Canadian: "You American folk eat the whole bread?"

American (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Canadian: (after blowing a huge bubble)"We don't. In Canada,
we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container,
recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to
America." The Canadian has a smirk on his face.

The American listens in silence.

The Canadian persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"

American: "Of Course."

Canadian: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling).
"We don't. In Canada we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then
we put all the peels, seeds,and left overs in containers,
recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to
America."

The American then asks: "Do you have sex in Canada?"

Canadian: "Why of course we do", the Canadian says with a big
smirk.

American: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've
used them?"

Canadian: "We throw them away, of course."

American: "We don't. In America, we put them in a container,
recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them
to Canada."

A CANADIAN



* Thinks an income tax refund is a gift from the government.

* On seeing a light at the end of a tunnel, assumes it is a train.

* When given a compliment, always looks behind to see for whom it is intended.

* Knows the difference between the Northern Lights and a Northern Lite.

* Doesn't know anyone who owns a flag.

* Finds Kentucky Fried Chicken "a bit too spicy".

* Holds the world's record for telephone use, probably listening to "Don't hang up. Your call is important to us."

* Is constantly pulling himself up by the roots to see whether he is still growing.

* Will drive to an unemployment protest meeting in his Toyota.

* Is convinced that democracy involves keeping your opinions to yourself.

* In a restaurant, apologizes for not being ready to order at the waiter's convenience.

* Will travel across the border to buy cigarettes and return home for subsidized cancer therapy.

* Says "sorry" when you accidentally bump into him.

* Waits for the light to change before crossing a deserted intersection at 3 a.m.

* Takes as a signal for a standing ovation any two people who happen to be leaving during curtain calls.

* Believes the Free Trade Agreement is an agreement about free trade.

* Says "no big deal" to a sidewalk cyclist who's just knocked him down.

* Considers turning up the thermostat an integral part of foreplay.

* Says "no thanks" to a telemarketing tape.

* Never sits in someone else's seat, even if the ticket holder doesn't show.

* Says hi to anyone walking a dog.

* Goes to hot-tub parties where people wear bathing suits.

* Finds himself thinking about sending off to "Hinterland: Who's Who" for further information on the loon.

* Carries travelers checks in a money belt.

* Heartily proclaims, "Sure it's 38 below, but it's a dry cold."

* When he musters enough courage to buy a Rolex watch, wears it hidden under a long-sleeve shirt and an Eaton's suit.

LOL Thanks... keep em coming. Anyone got a joke about the Canadian military? hehe

Its hard to make jokes about people that are just boring, and not funny at all.

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy now. I resemble that remark, fucker! :P

<a href=http://www.negativepositive.org/fuck-canada.html>POO ON YOU CANUCKS</a>

<a href=http://www.bulkhead.org/vol2iss1/fuckcanada.htm>FUCK CANADA</a>

couldnt find any jokes, these caught my attention .

no jokes though.

Actually I do 95% of those things, what's wrong with that? Seriously.
ZoiNk

Q: What does a Goal Keeper and a Quebec girl have in common?
A: Both change their pads after three periods...

What do urine samples and Canadian beer have in common?
The taste

Q: What's the difference between a Canadian and a canoe?
A: A canoe will tip

Haha that's such bullshit! :1orglaugh

How many canadians does it take to fuck up america?

None!

hehehehehe

http://www.negativepositive.org/fuck-canada.html

That's fucking great stuff! :1orglaugh

Q. Why does Canadian law prohibit sending more than half of its naval forces to war?

A. It wouldn't have the other ship to defend itself.

haha yeah, that guy is a good writer

Seeing as I have a wicked sense of humour and I am Canadian, I can definitely either let the others go or completely agree with them. But this... KFC? Isn't that the second most bland fast food on the planet??? Fuck sake.. hehe.

Always loved that one and it's many worldly variations...

Q: What's the similarity between American beer and sex in a canoe?

A: It's fucking close to water.

Never work in the service industry in New Zealand.

Don't fuck with Canada..... I have proof that Canada is secretly planning out world domination. They even have a website about it.

Here's a secret picture I took of the Platinum Bucks secret training camp!

http://www.lightspeedcash.com/rock/pbucks/pbucks01.jpg

Yeah look out! Don't make us use our tent poles!

:mad: :feels-hot :ak47:


:thumbsup

Must be training for those sand storms ?

Being in Florida now, where the Canadians go, I can say that Canadians don't know what the fuck a tip is. My girlfriend works in a restaurant and she'll get 2 dollars on a 50 dollar dinner from Canadians. And they always say "if it wasn't for us, Florida's economy would be non-existant"
Fuck them

Now, this is aimed at the Canadian tourist types, I'm sure even my friends in CA will know who the fuck I'm talking about

Bet this'll stir up a few bees...

I'd say it's the eastern Canadians, as we seem to tip better out west. Well, most of us. There are a few cockknockers out there who still don't know what the service industry is all about. I sure as hell would know. I think it's because Americans are more appreciative of actual service when they get it.

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy now. I resemble that remark, fucker! :P