Any INS experts out there?
 

Specifically, anyone that knows about visa's, greencards and fast-tracking them, etc?

Depends on how you're trying to get into the US... fiance visa = quick and you can get a job here while getting ready to get married work visa = harder to get nowadays [H1B for tech is kinda hard cuz of tech bust] family reunification = depends on your relatives

there is no fast track in the ins.. believe me

Depends on the visa... some are faster than others.

well he didnt say what type he needed..
if its anything other than a visitor visa.. its along time

One thing I know to be true, it's all about who you know, I was hoping someone "knows" somebody inside.

L2 intra-company transfer if you have a company in the country of question.

i've dealt with the INS
you still refuse to give specifics
if your vague with them dont hold your breath