The old man and the beaver ...

Thanks for a good laugh!

old but great.

A 65-year old mailman decided it was time to retire. When the small
commmunity he worked for found out, they decided they should do
something nice for him, since he'd served them for the past 45
years.

So, the last day on the job, the mailman went up to the first house,
and the homeowner welcomed him in. They gave him a pile of presents
to thank him for all his hard work.

At the next house they gave him a cheque for 100 dollars, and the 3rd
house, a cheque for 200 dollars.

At the fourth house, a blonde lady answered.
She was wearing silk pajamas, and was motioning him to follow her
upstairs. the mailman had the best sex of his entire life, and when
they were done, he went downstairs. On the table was a huge
breakfast, with waffles, eggs, pancakes, the whole deal, and a cup of
coffee with a 5 dollar bill underneath.

The mailman was curious, so he said to the lady, "I've had the best
day of my entire life, everyone has been so nice to me, but I have to
ask, what's the 5 dollar bill for?"

The lady replied, "I asked my husband what we should do for you and
he said 'fuck him, give him five bucks', but breakfast was my idea."

A man complained to his friend, "My elbow hurts. I better go to the
doctor." "Don't do that, said his friend. There's a new computer at the
drugstore that can diagnose any problem quicker and cheaper than a
doctor.
All you have to do is put in a urine sample, deposit $10.00 and the
computer will diagnose your problem and plan a treatment."
The man figured he had nothing to lose, so he took a sample of his
urine down to the drugstore. Finding the machine, he poured in the
urine and deposited $10.00. The machine began to buzz and various lights
flashed. After a short pause, a slip of paper popped out which said
the following:
You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water twice a day.
Avoid heavy labor. Your elbow will be better in two weeks.
That evening as the man contemplated this breakthrough medical
science, he began to suspect fraud. To test his theory, he mixed
together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine
samples from his wife and teenage daughter. To top it all off, he
masturbated into the jar. He took his concoction down to the drug
store, poured it into the machine and deposited $10.00 The machine
went through the same buzzing and flashing routine as before and
printed these results:
Your tap water has lead.............Get a filter.
Your dog has worms................Give him vitamins.
Your daughter is on drugs............Get her in rehab.
Your wife is pregnant, It's not yours.....Get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get
better.