Horrible, Offensive and yet hilarious jokes. Post yours!
 

Horrible, Offensive and yet hilarious jokes. Post yours!

I'll start.

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.


What's better than winning 10 gold medals at the Special Olympics?
Not being retarded (OMG)

How do you start a rave in Ethiopia?
Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling. (I'm going to Hell for sharing that one)

Peace.

I heard this one over the holidays. How do you know if your wife is dead?


The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

You know you're girlfriend's too young when you have to make an airplane noise to get your cock in her mouth.

What's worse than sucking 12 raw oysters out of your grandma's pussy? Realizing you only put in 11.

i lol because it's funny, and it's true!:1orglaugh

Why can't Stevie Wonder read?









Because he is black.

That was funny but unfortunately you're going to hell now. :(

What's the first thing a woman does when she gets to the battered woman's shelter?

The dishes, if she knows what's best for her.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you already done told her twice.

What's the definition of a perfect woman???
(1)She's three feet tall, has a round hole for a mouth and her head is flat so you can put a pint glass on it.
(2)The sports model has pull back ears and her teeth fold in.
(3)The economy model fucks all evening and at midnight turns into a roast beef sandwich and a six pack.

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?


Christopher Walken.

Q: Why should Democrats be buried 100 feet deep?
A: Because deep down, they're really good people.

Doctors say that Michael Schumacher's condition hasn't changed overnight.

And that he is "Still an arrogant German cunt."

----

Nigella Lawson has come out in sympathy over Michael Schumacher's accident.

She is quoted as saying "I know exactly how he feels. I, myself have been pretty fucked up after a faceful of snow."

----

Nelson Mandela has been described in South Africa as 'The Father Of Our Nation'.

And like most black fathers, he wasn't around for a good twenty years.

----

Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say...

Unless you're Chinese, then it's "squirrel".

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh:1orglaugh

WTF i just puked a little

Leroy came home from school one day and went to talk to his mother.
"Mamma, today in school we did the alphabet and all the kids only got to the letter M and i got to the letter Q. Is that because i am black?"
"No Leroy, thats because you are clever." his mother answered.
The next day Leroy again spoke to his mother after school.
"Mamma, today we did the times table. I got to the 4 times table and the other kids could only reach the 3 times table. Is that because i am black?"
His mother again replied.
"No Leroy, thats because you are clever"
On the third day Leroy came home and excitedly told his mother about his day.
"Mamma, today at school we went swimming, and the other kids had little dicks like button mushrooms, but my dick was huge like a hose. Is THIS because i am black?"
And his mother replied.
"No Leroy this is because you are 26 and the other kids are 5!"

:1orglaugh:1orglaugh horrible, offensive and yet hilarious they were :thumbsup

I LOL'd so hard, I'm sweating right now.

A priest jumped into a cab, told the driver where he wanted to go and fell asleep.

A few minutes down the road he woke up to 3 loud bangs.

He asked the driver "what were those bangs?"

The driver replied "i ran over an abo"

Priest asked "so what were the other two bangs?"

Driver "I had to go through two fences to get him"

thats bad :1orglaugh