I need help because this dude blew my mind
 

My first mission working here @ gspotmoney.com was to review creative writers for localg to hire for a new story site.

After i read this (and no i havn't been smoking weed) my brain shut off for a good hour, but now that i've recovered, have a look.

Whats your opinion of this dudes work, Thanks

____________________________________

"hello, and welcome to my office, please have a seat. no, not that seat,
i spit when i talk sometimes. well at least scooch back a
little.(unless you have really good reflexes or are experienced at spit dodging) ok
thats better, it is my job to gather the opinions of people like
yourself, kinda like a survey. let me ask you a question, do you like to meet
new and exiciting people? of course you do, you're not a hermit. not to
put hermits down though, hermits got feelings too, but i digress. you
see, companies are very self conscience. like girls who eat alot then
throw up, not to put down girls who eat alot and then throw up cause its
not easy to make yourself throw up. sometimes when i'm brushing my
teeth i'll get too far back and gag cause i still got my wisdom teeth and
they're way back there(has that ever happened to you?) but thats not the
same as throwing up. throwing up is like a different level completely.
sorry, you can just ignore that whole last part. oh man i need this
job, and i'm already messing it all up. ahhhhh i'm such an idiot. you have
to forgive me, i have some concentration problems but i'm trying.
focus, focus...i really want to contribute to society, make the world a
better place. i believe the children are our future, teach them well and
let them lead the way. la la la. oh snap, the boss is coming. wait,
waaaiiiit, false alarm. he's better off not coming around here anyways, i
might have to tell him how it is. you know i'm the smartest person around
this place, i could run the whole business if i wanted to. really, i'm
not just saying that either. where i used to work there was a guy we
called "el ratone" its like spanish for the rat. you never seen a person
look so much like a rat. but it wasn't just looks, i mean he had like
rat mannerisms. he captured the essence of being a rat. he would ride a
bike to work and we'd be like, how that giant rat learn how to ride a
bicycle. damdist thing i ever did see. ok i forgot where this was
going, we'll have to get back to it when i remember. about that company
though, they're not just some company. they are about bringing people
together, and thats cool. if you think about what you want, really want,
what we all want right, what comes to mind? love, friends, a date, a
soul mate, someone to watch cartoon network with. it comes down to being
with someone, i've been there man. samuri jack is my favorite
cartoon(hes like my hero) and at the end of the show when the evil demon aku is
like, arrgghhhhh i'll get you next time samuri and good has defeated
evil once again you just want to hug someone or at least hi five someone.
and guess what, giving yourself a hi five doesn't do his exploits
justice! and besides, if someone see's you giving yourself a hi five,
man..... you're getting made fun of for a loooong time, and when you think
they forgot about it, they didn't, they're just waiting to say something
when you're talking to a chick, man.... you guys suck. but on a lighter
note, did you see the one when jack was fighting the robots and he was
gonna lose but then the guy who built the robots gives jack a robot arm
to put over his arm and then he woops them good but with one robot left
the battery in his robot arm goes dead and its so heavy he can't lift
his arm and the robot lifts its sword to kill jack but then he prays to
his ancesters and is like i failed youse guys unless you help me or
something. and then theres thunder and lightning and i think the robot arm
comes off and he grabs his magical sword. and the robot is taken aback
cause robots aren't familiar with the supernatural aspects of things.
and the robot says "unbelievable" but in robot talk. i can't properly
convey to you here how he said it but it was so cool and then jack f***ed
his day up. and on one show jack was at a bar and the music sounded
like bjork and the show takes place thousands of years in the future so it
kinda shows you how much ahead of the times she really is, but i
digress. oh yeah, about el ratone. he used to say he could run the the
business where we worked that was the point i guess. remind me, the next time
we talk to tell you about the time he crashed his bike in the hiway,
and the time his bike got run over and i mean crushed. oh and how he
didn't really walk, it was more of a scurry. thats next time however,
we've still got some business to take care of now. so about this company,
they want to know what impression they give people. they are growing and
gaining market share and would like input so that they can stay on top
of the game. their web site address is localgspot.com. check them out
and get back to me. this is my first assignment so i want to get back to
them quick with my report. i'd like to keep up the good work i've been
doing so far, after all, i'm gunning for a promotion. right now i'm
part time but it looks like i might be losing my day job. hope to hear
from you. your friend saddam"

Lousy grammar...

My brain hurts.

SpaceAce

I don't smoke but I bet if you give me 8th ounce of some of that good shit that he was smoking I will write something that beats that... I guarantee.

Way to much...I'm getting drunk...:glugglug

:thumbsup

Thats a big fuggin paragraph.

It was actually kinda funny till about half way through. Then my brain started to hurt and I scrolled down and realized holy shit i'm only half way through..fuck finishing...and here i am typing this..

Gotta run and take an asprin, lol

After the first two lines my brain shut off :(

Low tolerence i guess


Maybe you should smoke the weed and re read it :stoned

you gotta use paragraphs...it makes a BIG difference...It can make run-on sentences look more legible...

If y'all need a creative writer, I'm the best around...Some brandy and some weed, and I could write pages of good shit right off the top of my head......I won't do it fulltime but I'll proofread some of y'all's shit and help format your paragraphs because that there wasn't too good....

And no, I'm not just tooting my horn...check out my site at http://www.blackvaginafinder.com and then check out all of the rave reviews I get from my writing at http://www.blackvaginafinder.com/surfers .

Like I said before, I won't do it fulltime...cause if I do, I might as well do it for myself...but you need a proofreader and editor BADLY....

If he did this on purpose, then maybe he's not so bad. After all, sometimes you take on a literary voice to match the narrator. However, if he just writes that way, I think you are allowed by law to enclode a tape of yourself laughing with his rejection letter.

He has GRATE potential as a creative writer but just he also has REALLY bads grammar. and hee kant spel.

Dude I'm french and I can write better than that guy.
WTF is he on?

I agree. It was comic up through the beginning of el ratone...
but then it got tiresome.

He lost me right here:

"ok i forgot where this was
going, we'll have to get back to it when i remember."

the free associating but getting to the a point idea would be stronger if he kept you going with more rethreading to two themes previous to wherever he is.

it also needs some kind of punchline.

Forget the grammar, I'd be worried about the guy's mental stability :Graucho

wow.

I challenge you that this guy has better grammer than all of us combined! He/she accomplished exactly what he/she wanted to with that paragraph. And no it shouldn't be broken up because it would lose the effect the writer was looking for if that were done.

If I were you and looking for a writer then I would have this guy/girl write another story or two from various angles and see how they do 'cause I might just be blowing smoke!!!!!!!!

regards,

strato

I agree... 'cept fer the better grammer part.

I read it again, i think it was supposed to be misspelled

Lol prO,

my fave part was when he was saying "not to
put hermits down though".. I mean I stopped reading there.

Good luck to you and localG with the story site :)

Somehow that little bit of writing is amusing. I seriously doubt he was being serious with the errors. Ask for another sample with a different theme and see what he comes up with. Something tells me it will be good stuff.

boy that is lousy, only read half and even that was a huge waste of time.

ROFL...I stopped taking it serious after reading about the spit...

localg better start doing some piss tests before hiring people it'd save pr0 and gfy alot of time :drinkup

maybe i will finish the book tomorrow. i am tired of reading this poorly wrote garbage.

KD

He sucks.

i am a robot.

I'd love to see Joe Pesci do that dialog in a movie!! Be four funny-ass minutes of non-stop rant!

Robin Williams could do it well too, but from a different angle.

This is an example of "stream of consciousness" writing that would be effective if the author just got the presentation right.

Jack Kerouac's "Visions of Cody" takes this same concept and does it *very* well (i.e. same "streaming thought" style, but presented in a readable/effective manner) . I'd tell the author to pick up a copy of that book and learn how to write in that style from that book before they tried it again as a serious writing style.

It' is a *very* effective style when done right, IMO.