Pete's Bar Drinking Rules -- add your rules...
 

Pete's Bar Rules

Rule #1 : If you've never been to the bar before and you don't plan on returning -- always go for bottles. At least with bottled beer, you know what you are getting... bottled beer is usually a good value... If you think you might return to the bar -- it's O.K. to experiment.

Rule #2: ALWAYS piss before you walk out! Hard to remember when you're fucked up -- but this is important, especially if you live in NYC. Subway tunnels are good places to piss -- just make sure you are clear of the path of the train if you pass out.

Rule #3: If you're in a new bar, locate the alcoholics and see what they are drinking -- that's usually the best deal. But remember you got to have standards... No Rolling Rock.

Rule #4: Anything in a can at a bar is usually A+ :thumbsup Oil cans Fosters or LeBatt Blue :thumbsup, Old Mill "Tall Boy", Guinness can w/ plastic floater thingy... Pabst Blue Ribbon!

Rule #5: Make sure you use the "correct" names for beers... otherwise you will be an easy target. Budweiser is always "Bud" -- Pabst Blue Ribbon is "P.B.R"... etc.

I'm confused... rule 1 and 4 seem to contradict each other ???

Rule #6: If you can choose between a can or a bottle -- always go for the can. The metal enhances the flavor of the beer due to a chemical/magnetic/thermal reaction... Plus beer in a can makes you look cool and it's always cheaper. If anyone in the bar is drinking from a can and you are drinking from a bottle -- you're no longer a man, you're a fag.

I'm definitely queer then. I like bottles when available.

Thats bullshit... canned beer? Thats gay.

Rule #7: When you start slobbering, it's time to go home!

You are crazy. Everyone knows beer from bottles tastes better and makes you cooler. Plus, with a bottle, you have a weapon for when the shit starts to go down.

Rule #8: Never, and I do mean NEVER, buy a Rolex on the street on the way home from the bar.


NEVER!!!!!!!

Interesting sig you have there. That same tag line used to apply to me ("consultant by day, webmaster by night") until I realized the consulting thing was no fun.

Quit your day job. Come to the dark side.

Rule #9: When Pete starts to ramble in a drunken stooper, feel free to laugh at his comical jokes and comments, but NEVER take his advice or recommendations. You just may turn gay.

Rule #7: Always observe the color of draft beer. If you choose a bar to be on your "Favorites" list, it's worth choosing a bar that has good draft beer... If a bar has good draft beer, and not watered-down piss -- then you know it's not a clip joint. A perfect pint is always nice, but even better is a pint from a perfect pitcher... Now if it's a good bar the pitcher will be glass (not plastic) and it will hold 4 pints... Here is a picture of a full-glass pint with good rich color... If your pint doesn't look something like this, then leave immediately.

<img src="http://thefly.net/PICT0107.JPG">

dude wtf is wrong with you??? PBR???? of all drinks you say PBR in a can???
but your probably the same guy who drinks nattie boh, and if your looking for the best deal draft beer is always the best take it from me if you can find the 25 cent draft bars your good to go

your not serious, are you? Personally, i like draft myself, tho

but there is nothing like the feel of a cold bottle in your hand after a long week at work

Dude... are you drunk? First you are telling us to drink beer from CANS over beer from bottles, and now you are posting pics sideways.

And while we're at it, that beer is not nearly dark enough.

is pete passed out on the floor posting pictures?

that would account for the sideways pictures

Did someone say Pabst Blue Ribbon? I suddenly feel sick.

Rule #8: When pouring from a pitcher -- always use proper technique... otherwise you can end up with a foaming mess... Tilt your pint ever-so-slightly, then pour sloooowly (what's the hurry?) down the edge of the glass so that there is maximum surface area beer <-> glass contact...

Rule #9: Just in case somebody makes a mess around you -- always be aware of the location of napkins. They are usually in a plastic box on the bar... if it's a really cool bar they may even provide a paper towels. If you are a professional drinker, bring a "beer-bib".

clearly we are dealing with a hi-tech redneck, i'm waiting for him to say natie boh is the best

Funny thing is I actually like my day job, helping people use technology better. It's my fucking prick tightass jerkoff boss I can't stand.

Rule #10: Dark beers just make you fat. Just abstain. If you are living in a very cold climate, it's O.K. to drink dark beers -- you need that extra layer of fat to keep you warm. The chicks will be fat too, so you're good to go.

Rule #11: Never let anyone know you are drinking "after work" -- then you are definitely a twerp... You are more attractive to women if you don't have a job and you're drinking from a can. If you are a tool, she'll never go home with you.

What if you use your tool to open the can?

Rule #12 No matter how much you drink you still can't sing, so stay away from the karaoke machine.

pete is ignoring all rules but his own.

are you an aquarius pete?

No but I am.


Rule #mine: Never pass out inside the bar, where you might puke down the front of your shirt, thus becoming unpaid entertainment. Chicks never go home with dorks that do shit for free.

Rule #?: Be wary of the chick with the adams apple and the 5 o?clock shadow.

Rule #13

Dont feel obligated to tip a bartender just because he or she is hot. A bartender needs to know their drinks, and be able to pour them quickly.

Rule #14 - When going to the bathroom, remember the white tablet in the urinal is NOT a breathmint!

I have a few rules:

#15 - Do not concern yourself with annoyances like "can I afford another beer" or "I have a lot of stuff to do". Rest assured that friends and beer will make those thoughts dissapear in time.

#16 - The bartender is not going to serve you better if you tip $5 instead of $1-2 per beer.

#17 - Say to yourself at the start of the night "Am I here to drink my ass off, or am I here to pick up?" Once you have decided, do not deviate from the plan. Trying to change to "pick up" mode once you have drank your ass off will not work at all.

#18 - When trying to impress a female, if male, do not drink coolers or coors light.

#19 - The shooter girl is not going to screw you, no matter how much you tip her.

#20 - Buying a round once is great for an impression. Buy one twice and you're a sucker.

Dusen is correct

So true

Lay off the crack pipe, homey. First the can over bottle comment, and now this gem. Did you recently suffer a head injury?

Yeah, cans were cool - when I was a punk ass teenager and I had to hurry up and shotgun that shit before the local cops found us and confiscated our cases.

Beer should be drunk from a bottle, or a nice frosted mug on a hot cummer day. Glasses are good for real drinks - gin and tonics, Jack Danials - not those fucked up college ass clown drinks. If you don't like the taste of booze, stick to Schnapps.

Women like unemployed guys sucking beer from a can? Where are you hanging, man? Hunts Point?

You want a rule for a bar? Avoid playing pool unless you know you can kick the shit out of whoever you are playing against, or whoever is waiting their turn to play. Had more fights over drunk retards arguing of the pool table rules than Carter has liver pills. Even though every shithole with a pool table has "House Rules" posted close by.

Outstanding rule.

However, I add - If you are trying to pick up, avoid the pool table. Period.

Rule #21 When drinking in strange bars with people you really don't know ALWAYS order beer in a bottle.

*Reason- If you have to fight your way out of there at least you will have a weapon to start with.*

Rule #22 If there are no major games on the pubs large screen, never drink with guys in a bar full of guys and no women.

*Reason- It's a borderline gay waste of time. Go find some women you sap. (unless you are married, then it's understandable)*

Rule #23 Only overtip when you are drinking liquor.

*Reason- They will almost always double pour. If you are drinking beer in bottles they can't so it's not worth it.*

Rule #24 Always hit on the female bartenders.

*Reason- Yes, she gets hit on all the time but she's a woman so she still loves the attention. Expect double pours, 3rd beer free, and maybe a phone number. You can't lose!*

rule #24 - Do not drink 2-11..that shit is not considered beer but motor oil

Unfortunately when I drink I usually need to keep these rules in mind:

Rule #25

Always size up the bouncers when you first enter the bar and are still reasonably sobre. Check for their possible weaknesses (is he fat and slow, does he have a trick knee, does he have a tie on that you can use to strangle him?)

Rule #26

Always be aware of the closest exit in case you are overcome by the bouncers.

Who the fuck drinks from a can at a bar? I don't see that one too often. heh plus I personally think beer TASTES BETTER from a bottle than a can. Though if your going to be drinking guiness and you at a bar, you better get it from the tap.. :P if they dont offer that, its a bar not worth going to anyway IMHO.

#27(?) Never, ever call the doorman names, or argue with him.

Experience talks, I got my eyes sprayed with some shit when I disagreed with the doorman about my condition.. he insisted I was too drunk, I disagreed and tried to force my way in. Never do that.

You guys need to re-think your bar hopping strategies. Getting into fights with other patrons is (semi) normal. Having to worry about the bouncers is not. What the hell are you guys getting into?!

Be a contrarian --
Beer in a can!

:thumbsup

in a can - OMG :1orglaugh