I should be in jail right now...
 

When I left the house at 11:30 PM I should have known I had it coming. I pulled out of my driveway -- a black cat crossed my path.

As a rule: I NEVER drink when I am driving. Not because I am worried I will kill people, strictly legality.

Around 11:30 PM, I figured by the LA one-thirty last call I wouldn?t even have time to get drunk, so I drove. I went to the bar. I did what I usually do. About 6 to seven Bud lights and 6 shots of Jaguar pretty fast.

For me: not really drunk.

For the Law: Way over the limit.

I wound up handing out with ?Mystery? and ?Matador? from the Pick-Up-Artist (the worlds #1 and #2 pick-up-artists respectively).

At some point, this really hot girl in a tied up Slayer shirt comes up to me and tells me that she recognizes from a long time ago.

She then puts a Narco pill in my mouth.

I leave the bar and am invited to a party at mystery?s house, but decide that I just ought to go home. On my way, I get pulled over by the cops for the smoked taillights on my car, which I had just gotten a ticket a few days before.

The cop comes up to my window and I just kicked into survival mode. I?m not the toughest or smartest guy in the world, but I?ve been through enough shit that would have killed 10 other men. Considering my rather lengthy criminal record, a DUI would have sent me to prison for sure.

Somehow, I managed to pull shit together and calmly tell the cop I knew about the taillight problem. He then gave me a sobriety test, which I should have failed for countless reasons, but didn't.

If he had pulled out the breathalyzer, that would have been my ass. I wasn?t really that drunk, but I was drunk enough, plus the pills.

Somehow, I managed to make it home, so I am typing this now.

A rule I have lived for by many years and have only broken on very rare occasions: If you are going out drinking, take a fucking cab. Your freedom is not worth it.

That is all.

Strictly from a financial stand point, a DUI is absolutely suicide. Figure $10k minimum for the best lawyer around (depending on the state). Then all of the costs associated with limo's & cabs etc. for business meetings since you can't rock your whip.

Then add up your lost income due to incarceration. You're looking at losing a million easy I would bet for you personally. If not more.

With all that in mind, i think you can afford the car service next time bro!

Dood, ask anyone...I am the guy who insists on taking a cab every time. I am better with cabs than I am condoms. I'm just pissed I didn't listen to my own advice.

Every time I've ever been in trouble it involved driving a vehicle. You lose all your rights when behind the wheel.

wheewww. Glad you pulled it off Jay. Take a taxi next time.

On a lighter note Jay. My partner said he sold some furniture to some pornstar in the valley. I said "oh yah nice". Then he said he met her at the webmaster access too and hung out there. He was proud I could tell. Then I asked him who it was.

He said " Amy's World " hehehehehehehehe.

That was kinda funny, Glad you're ok.

Dude, crazy story and glad you escaped the breathalyzer. What I'd really love to know was what it was like chilling with Mystery and what he's like in person, lol, I'm a fan. I got to chill once with Savoy, his partner, in vegas once, very cool dude.

I've got a couple big Fs on my record too, I don't like cops, and I drive like I'm playing a video game, so I always insist on a cab. I might have a beer or 2 with dinner and drive, but that's it.

Good for you, although you got fucking lucky, but way to pull it together.
I've passed two filed sobriety tests, both times completely hammered, but the 2nd one was a wake-up call for me. No more DND.

My younger brother (21 years old) is up in court next week and is going to lose his license. He was drunk and in a strange city, his car had broken down earlier that day and whilst lost later that night after partying he went to his car to get a heat as it was -1 degrees outside. He was sitting in his car which couldn't drive as his clutch had snapped waiting for a cab to take him back to his hotel, and the cops pulled up and arrested him. All he did was get in for a heat to a car that was impossible to move and now he's losing his license for at least a year.

Next time please listen to your own advice Jay. My brother is WAY more innocent than you and he's losing his license next Tuesday.

Why not just take a cab home and get your car when you are sober? That's my usual plan of attack

That is so cool bro. I hope I can grow up to be like you bro.

Fucking stupid. But bragging about it on GFY makes it cool. Maybe bromaster will pick it up.

i am so incredibly sick and fucking tired of dealing with cops, that i am pretty much as straight laced as they come when it comes to avoiding situations that will put me in their path. i used to be a pretty dumb fuck what with drinking in public, driving half pissed, getting into bar fights, destroying public property and what not. eventually i just got sick of constantly having having a stack of fines, and warrants for petty stupid avoidable things chasing me around and causing me headaches.

i actually got pulled over by the cops the other day, and it was the first time in my life i have been pulled over without getting thrown in the car or written a ticket. i'm movin' on up in the world, haha.

i've been charged with one impaired, and having to walk my ass around was not fun. i don't intend on ever getting another one, and for anyone who think that they're not going to get caught, you WILL get caught eventually. i've seen it happen over and over again. don't take the chance...

now this sucks big time :Oh crap

with a decent lawyer he could avoid losing his license, given the details you described. although I'm a little unsure of the details here:

• he was NOT drinking at all before his car broke down?
• he was 21+ on the day this happened?

a yes to both of these, and I'd say it's a fairly Open and Shut Case:
a few witnesses called to the stand and then:
"Your honor, given the evidence provided, I request a motion for a judgement of vagrancy and the DUI charges be dropped"

but I'm no lawyer and also maybe it's not worth the cost to fight it but that's bullshit. I hate cops.

EDIT: I would say that even vagrancy would not be applicable, given that the taxi company could be subpoenaed as well. His care simply broke down and he called for a ride.

oh and Jay... lesson learned, right?

Is it true that they can only give you one of the sobriety tests? Either the physical one or the breathalizer? That's what a bartender told me one night after I got pulled over and the cop did both tests on me. I told her my story and she told me they can't do that.

They can always say you failed the physical test and fuck you with the breathalizer...

1. We're in Scotland, the law is different.
2. Yep we have a lot of evidence in my brothers favour like his 4 friends who were in the car when it broke down whilst driving and had to push it into a side street
3. The copy of the repair bill which was $1000 to fix his car, and the fact the mechanic says the car wasn't driveable.
4. The driver of the tow truck who came to pick the car up.
5. He just turned 21 - 2 days ago

He wasn't drinking before he the car broke down no, he was on the way to his hotel 150 miles from home. He was attending a gig with 4 friends, his car broke down so they pushed it into a side street and got a cab to the hotel. They then came back into the City Centre to get to the gig, had a few drinks before during and after. It was 4am and he was lost with one other friend, they had an arguement and went seperate ways, my brother found his car and jumped in to warm up! Scotland is a cold country in Winter.

His lawyer told him that if it was closer to home then he would have a great case, but since its in a strange town they won't take too well to him "causing trouble" even tho he wasn't, it'll come across like that. If we take it to trial its also gonna get very pricey, his lawyer said best thing is to take the ban, and try to get it reduced by offering to do community service.

I'll find out next Tuesday what happens!

Wake up calls are a necessary evil.

2c

I drived drunk like three times, never been pulled and never hurt anyone, but once crashed the car real bad, it was a car of one of my best friends, I was not allowed to drive that and it was one of the most idiotic things I ever did.

But the problem is that if you are drunk your self consciousness is way over the top, so at that time I had about 10 beers and 10 - 12 shots I could barely walk, if I would be about to get the breathalyzing I would probably break a local record.

But I asked my mate who had the keys (the owner guy was out of the town) to take the "LAST RIDE" - hell yeah it was the last ride because it took a month to put the car together again afterwards.
He was also drunk and a bit soft cause he should have kick my ass and not give me the keys.

At the time I went to the car I could barely walk and I could see for about 15 feet infront of me, it took me right about 5 minutes to throttle up too much , I took left turn and ended up hitting this - well I don't know how that's called it's like the where you get the electricity transformed and redistributed.

The engine still worked so I said "FUCK IT's NOTHING" and we were going for a ride and returned to the parking lot.

Then I park the car and we went out, shit it was hugely devastated, the lights shined at each other and I sobered up immediately, realised I don't even have the glasses on (and I should be half blind without glasses) cause as I hitted that they were just thrown out of my nose and cracked the windscreen from inside.

Then I felt like serious shit, the day after the owner guy and a super guy who is so fucking great and fair and never even pissed from anything - almost like a movie character.

We were waiting for him personally at the railway station, telling him I fucked up and am setting up how to fix that / well I guess he could see that from 1000 miles coming, he was not even pissed - incredible character.

I don't think he was bragging. I think he was confessing and laying down a cautionary tale that all should listen to. Take a cab! It may seem expensive, but if you are pulled over you are in a world of financial hurt and legal headaches.

I worked as a taxi dispatcher for years. Every night around closing time I'd get the calls...

"How much to get to (home) from (bar)?"

"That will run around $20 (or whatever) on the meter."

"TWENTY DOLLARS!!! Fuck you! I'm gonna drive!"

"Good luck"

It always amused me knowing that a certain percentage of those calls ended up wishing they'd paid the cab fare.

You missed the REAL bad omen.

this is going to sound fucked up but....

you are the fuckin man:thumbsup

for all the times I have been pulled over and false ticketed for bullshit I have to give you props... just for geting right real fast and talking your way out of that shit

the way I see it the cops owe the people somewhere around 10000 more freebies:2 cents:

so you didnt bang the girl?

Whats a narco pill?

Good to know you are not! :upsidedow

She is an idiot.

Exactly. I got 3 speeding tickets in one year and in lost wages, Impound fees, a driver, rental cars and court fines it cost me well over $100,000. I'm cool... and not in a hurry anymore. Tell Matador Peter & Chelsea Romero said "Hi" - we hang out with him from time to time too. Cool cat.

Yeah I agree, I lost my license for been in possesion of keys whilst over limit,

damn your lucky

Congrats to the winners!!

From what I hear - Czech is again like the most liberal contry - no fees / no jail / they just strip you off your driving license for a year once caught driving drunk and that's it..

No way in hell I am 818! I am in Hollywood. Tell your buddy to get his facts straight.

I know we dont see eye to eye on a lot of things Jay but I am glad you're ok. And I can attest to the fact that Jay is not afraid to take a cab.

i dunno about everywhere else, but the police can write you an impaired for riding a bicycle drunk around here. seriously....

wtf did i tell you last night about that norco shit. lol

You should have seen if you could beat 219mph.

damn yo. be careful.

One of my girlfriends just went to jail last nite for Drinking and driving on the way to my house. she called me to pick up a girlfriend with her and I told her not to blow.

She should be getting out soon.

That's a fact Jack.

What people in Cali fail to realize is when you sign on the line for that Cali license you are in fact agreeing to take any and all tests that a peace officer may want to issue until HE is satisfied, not the driver. He can give you 100 different types of tests using 20 different breathalyzers if he wants.

So glad you are ok man, specially after what I went through.

Don't do that shit again!

That's why I was so surprised cuz you are the take a cab advocate, always.

They say cats have 9 lives, sounds like you have 99.

Wooow, close call! - Thank God you passed the sobriety test :thumbsup

holy crap, close call