Enhance Your Industry Profile - service inside
 

I have been approached by several top industry players to broker their services in offering profile-enhancement methods designed to create and maintain the profile and reputation you deserve. Discretion guaranteed.


1. The Cheesecake Method - this involves receiving a cheesecake from the industry player of your choice, then after you've scoffed it you can make a thread thanking the player and enhancing your name by association.

WiredGuy - $5000. WiredGuy is in demand as a trickster to make Google surfers click on the links in obviously worthless spam sites, making his clients $$$$$$$$$$$. He will take 5 minutes out of his busy schedule for the price of five thousand dollars - a snip when compared to what you will be able to command for your sig once you have received this prestigious cheesecake.

Juicy D Links - $200. Currently a bargain (everyone seems to be kissing Ramos' ass these days, hmmmmm), Juicy will cum onto the cake of your choice then send it to you wrapped in a pair of his underpants.

ScottyBuzz - minus $12. That's right. Scotty will actually pay you to have a cheesecake off of him. Offer limited to one cheesecake (he only has 12 dollars).

Sleazydream - $50. Offer discontinued. He ate all the cheesecakes.


2. The Dinner Method. This is where the top notch player of your choice will accompany you to dinner then will make a thread thanking you for it, enhancing your reputation before the eyes of literally thousands of surfers on GFY.

MikeVega - $150. Just keep your hands away from his mouth and don't say I didn't warn you.

KlenTelaris - $5. Mr Telaris welcomes any kind of food except goat, which is all he gets to eat in his 3rd world shithole.

SquishyPimp- a month's sig money (about 20 bucks). Squishy will arrive in character and will say "Great contest", "Nice domain" and "Thanks for the info" at the end of each sentence you say.

CuriousToyBoy - $30 for the service and $600 for food. Whatever you do, don't try and keep up with him because he is a renowned party animal, and don't bend over to pick up any soap when he is behind you - he is as gay as a three dollar note.


3. The Players Ball Photoshop. Your face will be photoshopped onto the head of someone who is standing next to the adult industry personality of your choice. Please note, this works for fat fucks only because I haven't worked out how to stretch layers in Photoshop yet.

KBizzle - $150,000. KBizzle is one of adult's premier players and knows absolutely everything about everything, including how to get paid a fucking fortune for doing fuck all then delivering a substandard service. Add $50 if you want the pimp costume to be even more ridiculous than usual.

Legendary Lars - $1.50. Currently unavailable as he has got alot of spyware on his computer which he has to get rid of.

polish_aristocrat - a sack of potatos. Polish will make you look beautiful next to his goatee beard and receeding hairline. Add Dirty_Franck and DorkJedi for a true taste of the European webmaster personality - $50 each.

Contact [email protected]

oh how cute, you must have put alot of effort into that post...

by mentioning my name in the same category as Lars you just increased my sig value 50%

how much do I owe you, bro?

Who cares it was funny :thumbsup

Hahaha, good job man :)

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

that was actully pretty funny


nice one dork

My Epassporte is currently overflowing with money due to this exciting offer. I will send someone five thousand dollars if they Paypal me six thousand.
Or something.

And ScottyBuzz's cheesecake has been used up until his mother lends him some more money.

A handshake at a show will do just fine. Good times bro, good times.

hahahaha


good shit :)

Actually, for someone who I never see eye to eye with for some "unknown" reason, this was a clever thread .. gave me a laugh.

Thanks for the jersey ;-)

Yo hit me up bro. Great party, good times, good times, etc.

Haha great post :D

Hmmm why is scottybuzz on my ignore list? I never put anyone on ignore.

Did I click one of those trick ignore links? I don't even really know who scottybuzz is.

This message is hidden because scottybuzz is on your ignore list.

For sure bro, for sure.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

that was pretty good

:1orglaugh

I'm lactose intolerant. Cheesecake gives me the shit something fierce.

A top notch stand up [comedian?] guy who runs a SOLID program. Your word is golden, bro. Hit me up for that content deal we were discussing with Pete-KT, KBizzle, Hef and Madawgz. See you at the bunny ranch for that Jaegermeister enema :thumbsup

hehe :) :)

In special cases I can offer a gift token at MacDonalds for everything a webmaster needs. Personally signed by WiredGuy. Only $300,000, plus he will optimise your site to get the #1 position for 'free porn' until google shitcans it and blacklists your host. Plus he will call you bro for a period not exceeding one year less one day.

I think you have the wrong guy mate...........















































I don't know Hef.

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh :1orglaugh

:1orglaugh :1orglaugh

ha ha :) Really good shit

You give more value to squishpimp then me??You are crazy.Well atleast i worthmore then kid scotybuzz.
I concur.
We ended in same category,who will say that.

Ah yes and one very important thing-i am NOT from 3thworld country,i am from EU country and howmuch i know EU is not 3thworld.And also,i never EATED goat in my life,i only eat cow,chicken,rabbit,lamb,shark and pig meat.

Great thread!

That $150k for WiredGuy's cheesecake just came through. Thanks!

Bump for this serious business offer.

is pumpkin cheesecake available?

How much for a picture of a baler pretending to do me from behind while I make a very retarded face?

Those are very hot these days.

Of course, and I can also get Juicy to jizz all over it if it helps.

LOL... this is the most retarded offer ever... who the fuck cares.... hehe

A baller costs more because they need more cash to fund their none-existent Lamborghini colection. But name your baller and I'll get him for ya. Bro.

And for a little extra, I can buy them a fake rubber cock with which they can pretend to fuck you from behind. Your sig will be worth millions afterwards, especially if JFK will post the picture.

Bro, you WILL NOT make it in this biz if you never receive a cheesecake from a major player.

I will come over to your house and drink all your jack for $1000


However,


I will never goto another Lightspeed hosted party, last time I did they handed me a 60oz of tequila and I remember passing out covered in my own vomit in my bathroom at the phoenix forum


Fuck that rocked

What about a hand job?

that's nice

haha..i love this thread:)

well done lazonby!!!

I'm afraid that whenever you drop the name 'Lightspeed' and 'party' in a thread, you owe me £4000. Half for me, half for my bro Steve. Good times.

How about a cheesecake with WiredGuy's cock poking through it? Prolly do it for free. Ballin'.