Post Your Maximum Intoxication Stories
 

Day in the life of an alcoholic adult webmaster. I'm still drunk now so that's why this post is so long ;)

It's 6:00pm -- I'm just able to get out of bed for the first time today. I haven't eaten anything since last night -- until now I haven't wanted to leave my bed...

I start with $100 and a bad attitude. (NOTE: I spent all $100 but I'm trying to remember how)

$92 -- 9:00pm Food $8 Grape Leaf Platter, Rice, Hummus, Tabouli, Pita (Yummmmm)
$92 -- 9:15pm Coffee Shop.
$77 -- 9:30pm Durty Nellys -- this is a dark depressing bar -- it's so great because it's exactly the place "not to be" and the drinks aren't watered down with piss. $10 Pitcher of Harp, real bad live Irish pub music. My bad attitude is leaving -- starting to feel great. I wasn't drunk enough so I needed a shot $5 Cuervo 1800. Only ugly chicks in this place. Some guy's girlfriend starts chatting with me. He doesn't seem happy. But why take your girlfriend to a bar if you're going to sit in a corner and be boring?
$65 -- 10:15pm Side Bar. Never been here before so I figured I'd check it out. Some live bands were playing. $10 cover. Place is dead -- the christian rockers suck ass -- only 3 bar stools -- everyone looks bored. This place only deserves a $2 bud light (no tip :p) The $10 cover got me some kind of access to a music festival -- so I don't quite finish the bud -- walk to the next bar.

Walking. Just pissed. Gotta piss again.

$17? -- 10:30pm Common Grounds (Coffee/Bar). Almost every night there are some awesome bands here. I don't know why I go to this place but I just get a feeling in my gut this is the place to go tonight. Lots of "emo" type people -- there aren't any snobs here and the employees are good to me. How I spent $48 here is hard to remember. $3 cover. $2 Old Mill (I was sick of Harp now -- too sweet and heavy). I start playing pool. A couple of one-night-stand chicks are in here -- and an ex-boyfriend of one of my ex-girlfriends is w/ one of them LOL. I kick his ass in pool -- he purposely sinks the 8 because I think he realizes he's too drunk to make any shots. Next band comes on -- it's 3 cute chicks. I know this is probably one of their first times playing on stage because I've never seen them out before. The singer is a fine arts college dropout, the redhead drummer is big and looks clumsy but she's cute and quiet. Bass chick is the bartender and has very intense eyes -- she was showing a little leg on stage. So the band kicked ass -- timing was perfect, the vocals were beautiful, and the shit just wasn't boring... they mixed up the pace and each song had a unique feeling to it. So I buy their $3 CD. They didn't have change so I tried to force them to take $5. I'm drinking a $4 glass of cab -- this wine is excellent! The shit shoots straight into my blood stream. I offer the bass girl a round of wine for the band -- I think I gave her $20 and she got me a glass too. Now these chicks have the biggest smiles on their faces -- like nobody ever bought them a drink in their life. They all come over to me but I don't want them to feel like they owe me anything -- but they are hanging out with me anyway in the corner by the pool table. Next band comes on -- I'm really only paying attention to the pool game. The bassist girl wants to play me in pool -- I beat her ass (last time I played her she ran the table on me bad) -- at this point I'm probably drunk and it's all a blur -- several times the cue ball is shooting into the air because I'm hitting hard but I'm winning games. 3rd glass of wine. I don't remember leaving!!!

$10 -- ??:??pm Smoke Shop. I don't see any cigars that I want. I buy a huge fucking $7 cigar. Some brand I've never heard of. The employees are dicks -- they've never recommended me anything good to smoke. The draw on this thing is easy as fuck for such a monster cigar but it tastes stale as shit I remember that much -- fucking nasty.

$0 -- ??:???pm Dennys. This Tai Chi painter I know is at the next table w/ some chicks from the bar. They're all looking at me and I have no idea why. Maybe it's my big fucking cigar or maybe it's because I'm shit faced. I don't remember if I ordered anything. I think I was too drunk to sit there and drink coffee so I gave my favorite hot waitress Rebecca $10 and I just walked out of there -- I think the cop at the door gave me a look but I ignored him.

Now this is where it gets interesting. There's no way I'm going to fucking drive so I walk to this undeveloped part of town by this park. Basically I go into the woods and revert to primal man. It's all a blur of leaves and waxy reflections of moonlight -- dirt in my hands -- running water -- lots of little creeks in there. The place is fucking awesome. There's some pool party a few blocks away -- and all these chicks are moaning like they've gangbanging a football team. Honestly I don't even remember how I got to the pool party -- or how I got back to the woods -- teleportation? I have no fucking idea. So I'm fucked out of my mind at the edge of the water -- I pull down my pants -- I remember barfing a few times and shit is coming out of me at both ends!!! Somehow I didn't make a mess of myself and remained very clean. I fell asleep. I'm remember walking through the woods kindof lost -- it's morning now... I'm walking through the park and I'm still fucked up and tired -- I find a tree and sleep against it. Wake up -- I'm walking to where I think my car is -- taking the back roads not wanting anyone to see me with dirt all over my pants LOL... I forgot where I parked so I had to backtrack -- I'm still fucked up but I drove home safely anyway. I'm home!!! I enter the shower -- turn the water on a comfortable temperature (thank god for my huge water heater) -- and roll around on the floor of the shower -- I'm half asleep singing and sobbing because of the pain -- I fall asleep in the shower twice... I wake up. The floor is all wet. I jump into bed... When you're this drunk you can't even turn your body in bed -- because that just moves the alcohol around in your system and you'll feel even worse if you move. SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

Well that is my pathetic story. I don't think I'll go near alcohol until the Hollywood show...

And you know the best part of the story? I check my stats and my signups for today are UP UP UP!!!! WOOHOO!!!!

I love my job!!!!

I can't because I do not have any memory of it.

i was just gonna say that hehe

fly, u have way too much time o n your hands man

yeah isn't it great?

got into a fight (argument) with my first wife at a party when we were living in Germany, walked home to find myself locked out of our 3rd floor apt..... so I went back outside, scaled the wall up to the balcony, went in through the balcony door and fell asleep in the living room.....

got woke up the next morning..... but it wasn't our apartment I had gone into.

hehe cool... at least there wasn't a gun to your head.

hehehe.... I'm just glad I passed out in the living room instead of trying to go in and crawl into bed! :1orglaugh

heres is a short one for you.. i swear that its true as hell and i made friends that i will keep my whole life.

17 years old i take off to go to a friends house. he had some good weed and someone ( i still dont know) came over with blow. skip ahead 7 1/2 months. im in Macon G.A.. I stayed high or drunk the whole time, remember a few things but nothing solid. came back home and people had thought i went into the army haha.

Well...I have a similar story, not about myself but another guy.

I was in a bar one night, and one of the regular patrons, that I didn't actually know other than him being a regular patron, asked me if I would give him a ride home as he was smashed out of his gourd.

I agreed and he gave me directions to his house. I stopped in front of the house (no lights were on as it was late) and let him out and he went staggering up to the door and entered the house.

The street was on a cul de sac so I drove up to the end and flipped a U. As I was coming back down the street I heard two gunshots, and saw him come running from the house he had just entered. He was running wildly down the street and I drove up beside him and asked what the hell was the shooting about.

He said it was the wrong house, got into the car and eventually we found his actual house.

I was 17 and blew my curfew drinking with my girlfriends and some boys that had graduated the year before. I was obliterated and there was a chance my godparents were waiting up for me in the living room, so I thought I'd be 007 about it and climb over the side fence to the back door. I got to the top of the gate and it gave way and fell over, throwing me to the ground. I got up, dusted myself off and made my way to the sliding glass door... That's all I remember. I woke up the next morning in my clothes, on my bed, with the couch blanket over me.

The story the next day was that in the middle of the night my godfather heard what he thought was a rabid raccoon in the back bathroom... so he goes to investigate and finds me passed out on the floor, wrapped around the toilet and snoring like a freight train. He threw a blanket over me and left me to lay there. My godmother stayed home the next day to make fun of me as I begged God for mercy, and threw up every 15 minutes for the next 9 hours.

silly kids...

P.S. Fly ~ That's some crazy ass night you had... Your body went places you'll never know.

~Wild~

TheFLY... fucking funny story. i've got way too many drunk stories to remeber, but here's one anyway.
two years ago july 4th, my girl friend dumps me. so to fix things, i decide to call some guys and go drinking. we start the night with sushi, saki bombing(this was a key no no). next we meet some girls at this mexican restaurant. they've got these ripping margarita's made with ever clear. i have my 3 minimum and then we hit 6th street in Austin. don't remember anything from here out... then, it seemed like a dream. some cop was yelling at me, tossing me up against the car. next thing i know i wake up in the detox of the jail... with the taste of sushi and alcohol in my mouth. i didn't know why i was there. not to mention i was on probation for a dwi. the only number i could remember was the ex's. she calls my lawyer and comes to pick me up. i was arrested for a PI. turns out my friends put me in a taxi to go home. the fucking taxi driver droped me off at the wrong place. i didn't know where i was, so i just passed out on the side walk. when a cop came up(according to his report) i cussed him out and tried to piss on him.

ROFL!

are you talking about strictly drug use that's normal, i've got some great crack smoking stories.

That's some of the most funny shit I've heard in a while...

---

The most sick I ever was vomiting like Cheshire was in Long Beach... I sang "American Woman" at full volume at this kareokee bar and even got applause ;) I mixed beer, tequila, and too much weed... I went into my buddy's fridge and there were some week old leftover cheese fries -- I dug into them like it was fresh gormet... Probably 30 mins later I was on the porch barfing -- even the slightest sound would send me into nausea spasms -- my friend Kiera came out to ask me if I was ok -- as soon as I heard her voice I blew chunks all over myself... It was actually hilarious and all my friends were laughing but I seriously felt like I was on the verge of death -- I was very close to asking them to call an ambulance. Thank God for good friends... later that morning I ran to the bathroom (before that I couldn't move) -- I turned on the water for the tub and I'm butt ass naked on the floor passed out by the toilet -- I wake up naked in a pool of water on the floor and some old guy is standing over me, "What the fuck is going on?" -- I'm thinking who the fuck is this old guy!? Turns out the tub had overflowed after I passed out and water is leaking down into the apartment under me and somebody called the landlord ;)

*mental note ~ TheFly and Cheshire must warn the world of the dangers that come from mixing beer and tequila*

feh. you kids.

it ain't a good drunk story unless your friends have to tell you everything that happened. :glugglug

worst thing about blacking out is checking the call log the next day... evidently last night i called some people. they've all called today to make sure i was alive. said i wasn't making any sense. fucking alcohol

courtney cox may be a silly actress but she has the greatest invention idea ever: a breathylizer for the telephone. it would prevent one from phoning drunk.

oh god, the drunken phone calls i've made. :helpme

so true.

In college...went to a party with my German Sheppard...woke up the next morning with a fucking boxer!

Hmmm, again I'm gonna leave that one alone...

Wow, I had a pretty similar weekend. I'd rather not elaborate, but I can say two words that should sum up my weekend...

















FAT CHICK

Well, haven't EVER been blacked out drunk, but close a few times. I did go blind once, in high school.

Anyway, one of my stories:

I was in Korea, on a bender with some other ex-pats. That's pretty much what you do in Korea, is drink.

I was drinking this AWESOME shit called Mocalee (sp?) anyway, it's this rice wine that takes like vaguely coconutty stuff, with no alchohol taste.. It's 10% alchohol, and damn it goes down fast. It's too bad the shit only lasts 2-3 days before it goes bad, I would drink it like crazy if it could be imported.

So we're going to a party. I'm with a Welshman, a Scottish chick, and a buddy from Manchester. By the time we get close to the party, I am well and truly lit. What happens to me when I am that drunk? Yes, I talk in a Scottish accent. I don't know why, but I think that is why the Scots talk like that. Just my theory.

Anyway, the Welsh guy quite likes it, says it's very convincing. The Scottish chick is huffy, and my Manchester buddy thinks I'm "a nutter".

Great night. Got to the party, which was this amazing apartment on a hill, with this massive rooftop patio, but you couldn't make any noise on it, as it was surrounded by other apartment buildings that would call the cops. I don't really remember getting home, but I remember the unbelievably bad hangover the next day. I must have drank 4 litres of Mocalee, and that is by far the worst hangover ever.

I'd do it again! Korea!

Ah, I miss being a bum.

Cheers,
Backov

Does this sound like the begining of a perverted bar joke to anyone else?

I was thinking more on the lines of a bad porno...

The Welshman had long, blonde dreads.. Does that make it funnier? ;>

Cheers,
Backov

Can't play. Don't drink.

This is the most depressing story with South beach & hot babes you will ever hear!

I was in Miami on business and I was headed to the airport to leave. I met a couple of extremely hot long and tall model babes. One was with Ford & the other was with Karen which are two of the biggest modeling agencies in the world. I couldn't stay but the girls were really cool so they said to be sure I call them when I knew I was coming back so we can all hang out. I said ok.

The first free day I could find I grabbed my best freind and headed down there! We grabbed the hottest 2 bedroom suite we could find so we could start the party right! I called the girls and they asked if it was ok if they brought some freinds. Of course it was! They show up at out room with 4 other hot model freinds! Blondes, a brunette, a couple of Latinas and a nice little cocoa treat! The pimp gods had blessed us!!!

It was 1pm so we were all hungry so we went for some nice nourishing drinks. We went to the Delano's hotel restaurant to stay close to the rooms just in case:winkwink:. We were all drinking Mojitos. It is a rum drink made out of mint and sugar so it goes straight into the bloodstream! The girls went drink for drink with us! They weren't being shy! We were all Fuuuuked Up! We were still feeling each other out so we went to a South Beach street fair from there.

At around 4pm my freind got a lil hungry since he didn't eat at the hotel. No problem! More drinks! We went to Wet Willie's, the home of the most popular drinks on the beach! We all drank Call-a-Cab's. They are frozen drinks made of 151, vodka, rum and more sugar for the bloodstream! I had 3 24oz Cabs. The girls had all they could drink and the sex talk was flying! We were fuuuuuked up, again!

We decided to walk back to the hotel. On the way back we decided to get some drinks to keep the party goin in the hotel room. We were playing around and decided to get some champagne to have some fun. A few of the girls suggested it so of course we got as many bottles as we could. I could just imagine champagne spraying on these tight tanned asses a little later! Yeeeaahh! We also got a large bottle of Cognac to sip on on the walk back.

When we got back to the hotel we ran into an important biz associate so we let him hang with us for a while. We are not playerhaters! If you can hold your own we will share. Unfortunately he had NO pimp in him and... well... he had to go! The bastard had killed more than an hour of our precious freaky time! By now the sun was going down and we were all really drunk and tired. We told the girls to go home and freshen up so they could all get their energy up. We weren't worried about them not coming back. The pussy was guarenteed by now! Plus we needed a little sleep ourselves!

We took naps. We didn't wake up until 4am! The girls left 13 messages on the phone and a note on the door but we didn't hear a thing! We were in a deep drunken coma like sleep! When we woke up we were throwing up like madmen!

We missed out on fucking what looked like an entire Victoria's Secret catalog at the SAME TIME!

We had to catch 7:45 am flights so we didn't get to see them again on this trip. We went to the airport silently. We didn't speak to each other or anyone else that entire day.

Damn.
:eek7

OH DAMN PORNPUPPY!!!!!!!!!

That hurt to read man... I think I'm crying over here...

:waaaaahh :disgust

I'm still in painful disbelief...



PW ~ You gotta make up an ending to that story, please... I'm gonna have bad dreams :sadcrying

You know, only you are allowed to call me Porn-puppy.

Anyways, I wish I could make up a happy ending but I can't. It really gets worse. This was back in 95. I only saw the original 2 girls again. By '96 all the other girls dissappeared. Moved back Montana, Cuba, one got pregnant and one got strung out on heroin!?! I've had a lot of good times in my life but setups like that don't come too often. Especially for a 20 year old which is what I was at the time!

:NopeNope
No ~ I won't accept that.
They came over, woke you guys up and got buck naked before you could wipe the sleep from your eyes. The girls had brought can upon can of whipped cream and made bikinis topped with berries for nipples, and ate them off of eachother with your help.

Next you had the orgie to end all orgies, and concequently couldn't move for 2 whole days afterward. The girls served you breakfast, lunch and dinner in bed, and exercised your love muscles regularly so that they would not lose strength.

After you *had* to leave them, they all got tattoos of your names to remember you always. Now that the girls are all successful lingerie supermodels, the tattoo 'Porn-Wolf was here' can be seen on the hottest asses on earth.

There, was that so hard??

Hmm...words from experience?

Absolutely ~ you've never seen Tyra Banks' ass tattoo that says 'Cheshire rocked this booty'?

And people wonder why I have so much love for this girl!:1orglaugh

I don't remember much about the drinking, but the waking up...yikes...was my first time living on my own and awaiting the school year to start at UNLV and I had this kickass bachelor pad where all the local/LA-based bands used to crash when they were in town...I was drinking massvie quantities of alcohol with an odd coverband called Bang The Kitty and we met these two gals and ended up at the cemetary....I remmebr nudity and lots of running around naked...then I woke up the next morning at this chick's house...I was on the floor, she and her female friend were crashed on the bed...one chick had a bloody nose, I had a bloody nose and was sore as if I'd been beaten up...
the gals couldn't remember much more than I could, but according to the band, these two gals wanted to take me home for some FFM action and I told them I only liked tough girls, so these chicks started punching me in the face and I started punching back and the band dudes dropped us off, all bloodied at the one gal's house...I never saw or talked to either of those girls again and don't even think I got their names...

Ok Cheshire...

So after the girls left my freind gets a call on his cell. This Puerto rican babe wants to hook up. She said she has her sisters with her and she is close to the hotel. She told them about me and they wanted to meet me. So they come over. Whoooooo! They were hot. J-Lo had nothin on them! Lightly tanned with tight tits with those sexy sundresses on. They were 19 and 18 (i think!) It didn't take long before my freind was fucking his girl. The only thing is, he was fucking her in front of us! He always does this type of stuff so it was no surprise to me but it was making the girls incredibly horny!

They wouldn't fuck each other but they had no problems sticking my dick in their mouths at the same time! 2 young hot Puerto Rican girls out of nowhere! Hell Yeah! Since they wouldn't fuck each other I had to keep them both occupied! I didn't mind though because I'm not scared of the pussy! It's weird how you get a burst of energy even if you haven't slept for 2 days at the sight of NEW PUSSY!

After about an hour of hot sweaty fucking the original 2 models came over early. I think they wanted to be first on the plate. They didn't even flinch when they saw what was goin on! They thought the girls were as sexy as we did! They didn't waste any time and commenced to licking pussy! My freind and I finally got a little rest as the five of them formed a wet sloppy circle. It was beautiful. It brought a tear to my eye. 30 minutes later 2 more came. They were a little wary of joining the fuckfest in progress so we took them out on the balcony to talk them into the party. All it took was the view of the ocean from the balcony and we were slapping their tight tanned asses and pulling their hair while we long-dicked them from behind, side by side as they held onto the railing. 20 minutes into this the other girls came and brought an Asian model with them!

WhooooooooWeeeeeee! What else did we need! They went to the balcony. We were tired so we left for a minute and went to the bar downstairs for a double shot of expresso. When we came back there was fucking everywhere! The Asian brought sex toys and the Cuban was taking a 14" dildo on the patio. My freinds girl the first 2 models were in my room having it out and the rest let out the sofa bed and got nasty. There was so much moaning security came up and knocked on our door. By that time there was too many for us. When security asked us "Is there a problem?" we said yeah! There's toooo much pussy up here, we need some help! So he stayed! 3 of us against 9 freaky international babes! We fucked the shit out of them that night. Then we fucked some more of their freinds the next. We let the hotel manager in on it the next day and to this day the hotel folks are so grateful I only have to pay 200 for the 1400 room!

Is that better? I had to weave a few different stories in there. The only thing that's not totally true is the amount of women at the same time. All of that stuff has happened at that hotel over several different days.