Quote:
Originally posted by Buff
My Response to Europe, especially England:
In my short thirty-three year stint of borrowed time on this planet I share with a myriad of lifeforms, some sentient, some mistakenly believing themselves to be, I have apportioned much of it to study. In particular, my foci have included two aspects of the same subject, namely human beings. Praxeology is the study of purposeful human action, and History is the study of the past. In my studies, which were (and remain) extensive regardless of what some pretentious British editorialists would like to believe, I have become privy to knowledge not widely dispersed.
For example, it was passed down to me from sources ancient that the Roman Emperor Caius Caesar aka Caligula had his favorite horse elected to the Senate. That the drawings I've seen of the beast's head show it to have a strong resemblence to John Major is not relevent to this response. What is relevent is the understanding that this event occurred around 40 AD, during the early Roman Empire. For those of you in England who are still able to access a decent education, you'll note that Rome's Empire, and indeed the entire world, survived for some time thereafter. There's a conclusion to be drawn about the capacity for man to survive a government comprised of dullards which I will leave to you to discern if you can. But that is irrelevent also. What is relevent is the twaddling vitriol you have aimed at Americans.
I am sure that when you Europeans are attacked, you immediately defend yourselves, with the notable exception of France. Well, we Americans are different from you in many respects. When we're attacked, we immediately go on the offensive. Sometimes, we even go on the offensive preemptively. We are feared and hated by our enemies, and by cowards, and by pompous European twits who think they are superior to us. And we like it that way. So I'm going to respond to these allegations by telling you how it is.
Britain is a little tiny island, or two, or group of isles roughly the size of my genitalia and much less useful. It is inhabited by peoples of many flavors, the most notable being the Irish. In point of fact, the Irish are the only people of Great Britain capable of linear thought or moistening a woman's undergarments with her natural juices. It's widely known that even if the English were interested in such pursuits, such would still be the case.
England's primary import is Adobe Photoshop 7.0 which is used extensively to straighten the natives' teeth in their digital pictures. England's primary export is the unsatisfied, hairy-legged housewife, and England's primary trading partner is Norway, where the men are of peculiar tastes and often found sexually gratifying lonely woodland mammals.
History tells us that Rome, an empire that had a horse elected to its Senate, conquered much of Britain and civilized it. A wall was erected under the auspices of Emperor Publius Aelius Hadrianus in 122 AD, to separate now civilized Britain from the stick-wielding apes that eventually went on to inbreed and become much of England's royal class. Hadrian also brought architecture to England, which theretofore had only a circle of big rocks as its construction claim-to-fame. Heretofore nothing has changed.
In war, England was enormously successful, having lost only a handful times to France, including a total and complete shellacking in 1066. Other British military feats including getting crushed by spear-wielding African natives in 1879, and losing to the fledgling American colonies twice.
In affairs of government, England has a mighty record of freedom and justice. Notable events for this noble country include the Reformation and Counter-Reformation, which can be summarized as bloody religious purges. The butchery of Mary is still the source of children's Halloween games. There's also a history of slavery, imperialism spanning the entire globe such that "the sun never set on the empire," and a willingness to appease mass murderers.
Indeed, England has a lot to be proud of, most notably the success of her colonies in the New World. In a mere 200 years, America became the world's mightiest superpower, and today is its only.
We Americans pity the British, whether it be their outrageous levels of taxation, stifled economy, or shrinking relevence in the world. Like the retarded neighbor's kid, England says a lot of really stupid shit and often finds himself shitting in his diaper. We can fogive the stench England gives off, as long as England promises to try to make number two in the bathroom; but, if England continues to shit on himself when America invites him over to eat, America is going to stop coddling him.
It's not that we think all Brits are inbred, pompous, crooked-toothed dipshits -- just the ones who haven't expatriated to America.
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Quote:
Originally posted by Buff
Britain is a little tiny island, or two, or group of isles roughly the size of my genitalia and much less useful.
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apparently the japanese say that 60% of everything you take for granted in the world was either invented or discovered by the british. this is probably not far wrong.
Quote:
Originally posted by Buff
England's primary import is Adobe Photoshop 7.0 which is used extensively to straighten the natives' teeth in their digital pictures.
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a complete fallacy
Quote:
Originally posted by Buff
History tells us that Rome, an empire that had a horse elected to its Senate, conquered much of Britain and civilized it. A wall was erected under the auspices of Emperor Publius Aelius Hadrianus in 122 AD, to separate now civilized Britain from the stick-wielding apes that eventually went on to inbreed and become much of England's royal class. Hadrian also brought architecture to England, which theretofore had only a circle of big rocks as its construction claim-to-fame. Heretofore nothing has changed.
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we're talking about quite some time ago, but you hadn't probably realised that the Romans came from "Rome" hence the name. As an american you probably didn't realise that Rome is in europe, it's in a country called Italy.
Besides that, chances are you're descended from those very same ancient europeans.
And it's a little ridiculous to compare british or european architecture to americans don't you think. your only notable architecture is the statue of liberty, and even that was given to you by the french.
Quote:
Originally posted by Buff
In war, England was enormously successful, having lost only a handful times to France, including a total and complete shellacking in 1066.
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again 1066 was a long time ago, haven't had many losses since then. nothing as recent as you losing to the poor peasants in vietnam anyway.
Quote:
Originally posted by Buff
Other British military feats including getting crushed by spear-wielding African natives in 1879
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you're obviously referring to the film zulu, don't learn you history from hollywood, britain lost a tiny battle and a few hundred men at rourkes drift but that hardly constitutes losing a war. (not that some of britains imperialistic ways is anything to be proud of)
Quote:
Originally posted by Buff
In affairs of government, England has a mighty record of freedom and justice.
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americans are so proud of their constitution, but the british had one in 1215, do a google search for magna carta. and our justice system is the very same one that is copied by pretty much every country throughout the world.
Quote:
Originally posted by Buff
There's also a history of slavery, imperialism spanning the entire globe such that "the sun never set on the empire," and a willingness to appease mass murderers.
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britain had given up salvery a long time before america. and as far as imperialism goes, thats in britains past, however it's in americas present and future history. As far as appeasing mass murderers how many corrupt right wing dictators has and does america support?
Quote:
Originally posted by Buff
We Americans pity the British, whether it be their outrageous levels of taxation, stifled economy, or shrinking relevence in the world.
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high taxation? our taxation is fairly moderate, but remeber this pays for free healthcare, education, social security etc etc. and if you compare our rate of tax to americas it's not much different but we get a lot more for our money than just weapons.
stifled ecconomy? we have very low unemployment, very low inflation, good ecconomic growth and one of the strongest ecconomies in the world.
my appologies to all non americans for my long winded patriotic outburst, damn i almost sound american. |
