being in the adult biz, should marriage & kids be an option?
 

reason i ask this is because i cannot, for the life of me, get this one particular model out of my mind.

about 3 years ago, a friend of a friend went to shoot with a photographer i know (this girl is known so im not going to reveal her name). she brought her kid with her to the studio she was shooting at. her worry was that she didnt want her kid to see her doing faux penetration with toys. ok, whatever right. bad enough you brought your kid to your shoot but, ok you dont want your kid to see that so leave him in the office of the studio. personally, i think it's beyond stupid what she did in the first place but be that as it may.

now here is what i cant forget, she walks into the office of the studio, where her kid is, completely naked and bends over with her ass in his face! you're saying what's the big deal right? her kid was 8 years old at the time and had a mouth on him of a 40 year old! no one has booked her since (at least i dont believe).

now this woman/girl/model is still married but separated for 8-9 years and has a kid that she leaves with anyone she can at will or does the above.

i ask you, if you are in the adult biz (in any arena from stripping to porn) should you get married and have kids or is that something that should be left for a later date when you can establish yourself in another biz not related to this one?

What does the adult biz have to do with that really? You can neglect your children in 1001 different ways. There are good parents, and then there's not.

Agreed. Some people just aren't meant to be parents, no matter their vocation.

what he said :thumbsup

no argument, however considering her line of work i would say that was a bit extreme. i mean really, this is the PORN world and there are just some lines that shouldn't be crossed. with the current administration the way it is, they could just take your kid away if you're in the porn biz citing a bizillion reason on why they are doing it.

i would personally never have a child til i was done with this biz cause i would want to protect my child as much as possible and not tell my kid i work with they type of stuff i do. it is ok for me, alone but not when i bring someone else in the world (if i ever choose to). most would say not to tell what you do but that is a form of lying and if we teach kids not to lie, then we have to follow by example or we are hypocrites and that is something im not!

Have a talk with BVF about that one.

I've known pornstars who have done things such as leave their interracial boxcovers (as in with momma's picture on the front) lying around for their ten year old daughter to see. Mommy loves the cock.

Bad parenting is bad enough as it is, but adult models on that level with their kids shouldn't be parents.

I was overseeing a live sex studio once, and this stripper whore ran inside with her 2 year old kid wanting to show him to everyone. I almost fucking strangled her.

The business is irrelevant.

It's her own personal responsibility to protect her kids. Not yours, not the business.

I'm married with 15 month old kids.

I don't plan to leave the business but the kids aren't going to know about it or see any porn.

I'll always have some "legitimate" business in addition to porn and that's what I'll talk about at the dinner table.

see that is flat out WRONG! you want to show off your kid, bring a picture!

and its not only that, i mean this person is married (legally at least) and neither one of them can take care of this child? granted this is not limited to this industry but there is such an openness in this biz that i cant understand......

you made me change my opinion a bit. cherrylula, i think you are forgetting a few things.

A two year old does not have the capacity to understand what they are seeing in that environment.

You ever think there might be a reason for her doing porn?

Single mother perhaps?

Women have babies. Women work in porn.

Unless you're going to be offering a Daddy Day Care service for women while they shoot your content i'm not sure what other option some of you have.

You could also accept SOME of the responsibility since you are the one profiting from a business with such casual "work-at-home" attitudes. Next time you screen your models, ask them if they have made sufficient provisions to take care of their children during the shoot.

and if your kids do find out, what are you gonna tell them? remember, lying is not an option cause that is what kids are taught NOT to do.

so you're saying age should play a factor and that there isnt one person in the world that can watch a child for another person?!? who cares what her reasons for doing porn are, her earnign of income is not an issue. there is a right way to do things and a wrong and bringing a child OF ANY age to a shoot is wrong. if you cant find someone to watch your child, then you dont do the shoot! kids arent brought into the bedroom while adults have sex so why should it be any different during an adult shoot?

Solution: Next time you screen your models, ask them if they have made sufficient provisions to take care of their children during the shoot.

Having kids does not make one a good parent. A lot of great people in the industry have children, lots are married and some even work with thier partners. Bringing children to shoots is pretty fucking disgusting, and I would have to say this model probably needs a swift kick in the ass. However, it doesn't mean being in the biz should eliminate the option for a family.

I have children, my children are not exposed to my work, when I shoot it is at a seperate venue with my children in proper childcare elsewhere (with family generally). They don't see my work, it has no bearing on what kind of mother I am to them, and the same with my husband. Unfortunately there are people in this industry who are idiot parents, but hey, the same can be said ANYWHERE in the world at any given time, it's not confined to the biz. I'm sorry seeing that experience may have affected your opinion in any way. It is possible to have the best of both worlds. :)

Why can't you be married in this business?

This is a business. Period. It's no different than being a fucking plumber. We are making a product and selling it on the Internet. It's no different than selling books or whatever.

The problem is too many people get into this business thinking they will get to see naked chicks and get fucked. Have fun. Your dick will fall off soon, and you'll go broke.

We have strict rules about models - Never, ever touch them. Ever.

Solves a lot of problems before you start.

I don't understand why so many people in the "biz" think they are not entitled to the same rewards as the rest of the society. I see this in the punk rock world too. If you want to get married, get married. But, no matter what you do for a living, you should keep in mind how that could effect your mate. If you are a management consultant and you have to spend months on site away from your spouse, you should probably talk beforehand about how you would handle that. Will your spouse quit his or her job and come with you? Will you just talk on the phone a lot while apart? Same with adult business. If you take pictures of naked people, it is probably best not to marry someone that will upset, whether or not you intend to continue doing it. If they have a problem with who you are now, do you really want to have to hide some secret shame forever? If you want to have kids, have kids. But take care of them. Like teengodfather said, adult actresses have no monopoly on doing a bad job of being parents. I've only had models bring kids to shoots on a few occasions. I either had an assistant take the kid some place off site and entertain them until we were done shooting or I cancelled the shoot.

im not sure how old your children LadyMisch. are but if they ask you what you do for a living (as we have all asked our parents when we were younger) will you tell them what you do? what would you do if say, your daughter (if you have a daughter) decided she wanted to do adult modeling? it's not like you could honestly say no you cant do that cause of the biz you're in so what do you say?

i mean this is a really tough topic and even tougher decision for most to make!

U worry too much -- typical woman.

If you think it is wrong for a girl to be an adult model, then you should not profit off of something you think is wrong.

in theory i agree with you however people who arent in this industry DO NOT and WILL NOT ever see the comparison between plumber and porn. they will never look at this industry as "selling a product". if it were the case, then we wouldnt read harsh articles, visa/mc wouldnt be putting the screws to us and the govt wouldnt want to shut us down.

i didnt say that at all. re-read my original post!

i am curious what others think. period.

Than why dont you stop acting like a whiny noodle and start promoting it as the legitimate business it is instead of cowering under a rock and wondering if you are doing the right thing by being in the business?

My children are 2 1/2 and 4 1/2, and when they're old enough I will tell them. I'm a photographer. When they are old enough to have responsibility, I will tell them the rest. I am not ashamed of what I do, however I do agree in not exposing a child to sexuality etc needlessly. However, that doesn't mean I can spend my whole life sheltering them. Kids aren't stupid, eventually they'd figure it out. Better to tell them the truth at some point and have then know, but that's a long way off. However, how much worse are they going to hear from other kids at school? How many 10 year old boys steal daddy's skin rags? They don't stay sheltered. Informing my children of the truth when they are mature and responsible enough to understand that it's business is a darn site better than having them find out garbage from other people.

There is no tough decision. I love my work. I love my children. My children come first, but in order to feed them, I must work. My work now enables me to be at home with my kids most of the time, and work mostly when they go to bed. When they are at school (my older child is currently) I will have more free time etc, but they aren't exposed to it, and that's what matters most, isn't it? My work is not a definition of me, it does not dictate my parenting skills.. it's certainly better than sticking my kids in daycare and slaving at McDonalds for $5.00 an hour. It's not the EASIEST solution for everyone, but I've made my choice :)

Getting married is one thing...having children is another. Smut peddlers are the lowest of the low on the social ladder and is not something that your children can be proud of. I do not think your child would want you to appear in their classroom on career day.

So how exactly are smut peddlars the lowest of the low? SImply because someone chooses to work in the adult industry they're an evil person and unfit to be a parent? I've seen some "smut peddlars" who are ten times the parent to their kids than schoolteachers, steel workers, librarians, and other "acceptable" forms of work.

:helpme

theking = brainsurgeon

My kids drink beer :drinkup :glugglug

hey dude, I was just making a post, not voicing any sort of opinion either way.

I've known lots of bad parents that don't even work in the adult industry. But that is beside the fact.

And since I have to go there, the stripper whore I mentioned happened to be married and even owned her own home. She brought the kid into a fucking porn studio, more specifically a control room with about 10 monitors with live images of people fucking.

I don't care how young a kid is, its wrong to do such a thing. Its trashy, and fucking stupid. And most of all its fucking illegal.

And I don't have anything to do with that part of this industry any longer. That was years ago and I was an employee for a large adult company.

I don't fucking accept any responsibility or whatever it is you are trying to say. However at that moment it was my ass on the line as an employee because this stupid bitch was too dumb to ask people to come out to the car if they want to see her kid. There were signs on the door about must be 18 to enter.

I don't think its wrong to be in this industry and have kids. Its just wrong to expose them to it.

the king hates all women. he was divorced countless times and he now lives with his mother.

him giving advice to women is like panning for gold in the Hudson river...IT AINT RIGHT!

absolutely!

Your post said you couldn't honestly say no to your daughter if she wanted to be an adult model. I think that, knowing the business, you could tell your daughter the possible pros and cons of doing it and of various career moves i.e. contract performer vs. freelance and so forth. Being an adult model might be a bad choice for someone and a good parent should certainly try to steer their kid in the direction best for that specific kid. The implication I got from your post was that of course no was the right answer to a girl who wanted to model, but that you might feel hypocritical saying that while profiting from it. If that is not what you meant, then I apologize. I just don't think we should feel bad about what we do. If someone in any nook or cranny of the industry is doing something genuinely scummy, then they should stop. But I don't think that having a business related to sexuality in any way intrinsically means that you are not supposed to get married or have kids or tell anyone what you do or be proud of what you do.

sounds like you really do love your children and i give credit to anyone who can raise even one child these days. i can also appreciate your honesty in telling your children what you do when they are old enough to handle it. it's just how are they going to react when they hear this. boys are easier to deal with then girls so the reactions i am sure will be on 2 ends.

you are right, staying home with your children as much as possible is very important and this does beat the 5/hr job. i am so for protecting children. i was a big sister at one time (then they closed the program down because of lack of funding) and i would love to one day put up a self financed shelter/home for homeless children.

i am just getting different opinions thats all.

I have 4 children total.. i have been in the biz for over 17 years now...my children knew mommy was a dancer... no they didnt see me naked..no i didnt take them to bars...no, i didnt leave my kids with anyone but my trusted babysitter or hubby.

my kids are now 18,17,13,6...if you try to lie and hide.they will find out. (the nosey ones anyhows)..if you flat out tell them its adult business and none of their own..then its pretty cut and dry...

my children dont know to what extent.. but they are aware.. i think ignorant shielded children are far more likely to get in trouble when set free in the world than ones that grew up aware. I'm in no way implying that you expose your children to porn.. but they should have thier questions answered honestly.

:)

Please quote the adivce given that you are speaking about.

This is a very typical thread regarding moralistic issues. Take 1 anecdotal incident, infer a general rule advocating one's moral biases from it.

All I can say is that this incident has more to do with the type of mother the woman described was rather than a moral dillema faced by all people who work in adult.

in my very first post....read it. i did not say i had children nor did i say i was marrie and what you are quoting is from a reply i made to someone as a question.

My children are the crowning achievement of my life, and they reminds me of that every moment of every single day. HOwever their reaction is going to entirely depend on how you've raised them too. I teach my children morals and values, however I also teach them not to be quick to judge. I don't teach my children that being naked is bad, or that their bodies are bad. There are certain behaviors that are unacceptable (such as people touching them or showing their naked bodies to strangers), but at the same time they appreciate their bodies as amazing things and nothing to be ashamed of. Talking to children is REALLY important. They are smarter than most people given them credit for, and even when you don't think they will understand, most oftentimes you will be surprised :)

babysoul handles all my trades, 6y.old and he is already a UCJ guru. Now we are waiting for ccbill to approve his 1st paysite (hentai niche). I'm a very happy father :)