Real suicide letter, happened last night, thoughts...
 

Last night a good friend of mines husband shot himself. They were together for almost 20 years. He was a chiropractor and they had moved to a small town in South Dakota, because he believed in a lot of government conspiracies. She had only been around him and worked in his office for the last 10 years. They had a lot of friends and he was a funny guy. But you could feel a lot of arrogance stemming from insecurities and because of that he was always belittling her. Sometimes to the point where you almost wanted to say something to him, but then he would settle down and say something nice or funny to change the subject and it felt like he was trying to push the people around him and/or show control or power over her or something.

Anyway his office slowed down so she decided to go out and get a side job. When she got out there everyone loved her, thought she was funny, thought she was great and had great ideas… then she would come home and he, being who he was, would behave a certain way, she realized what he was like and what he was doing to her. It really opened her eyes to how much he had put her down and how much she had lost her self esteem. She hadn't noticed it before... you know how that can be when you are use to someone and you don't know until you get away from them how they really are. After thinking about it for a while, she decided to leave him but she was scared of how he would handle it. Everyone she talked to, which was myself and couple other girlfriends, were also worried about how he would react... She hurried, packed a bag, left a Dear John note and left. They talked on the phone a few times the next day and he told her that he had been thinking about ending it too, and asked her to come by the house and exchange cars. He wanted the car she took. I told her not to go... it sounded like he was looking to fight and I don't believe he was thinking of ending things too. She made an excuse and said she couldn't get out there due to work and 2 days later he sent this email out to his friends in CA and shot himself.

When I read it I can't help but to wonder what he meant by certain things like:

Leaving her the gun he used?

Telling his friend not to be mad at her?

Saying he left her rich, when they were on hard times and were close to broke?

Also hidden money? None of his friends, or her, have heard him talk about hidden money.

It sounds to me like he is trying to make her feel bad or something. I feel bad for the guy. It breaks my heart to think about that pain. I feel really bad for her. She is going through insane thoughts, blaming herself for everything. It horrible to see the pain in her over this and it makes me so mad that he did this too her. Then I feel like I am wrong for thinking like that because he is dead. I don’t know…

I know a few of you have dealt with suicide. I have never, and I thought maybe I could get a few opinions about this letter so when I talk to her I can make help her out...I have a few assumptions myself... It is just sad all around... :(


The Letter

Honestly, it looks like a well thought out letter to me. And considering that it wasn't an attention ploy, because he really did check out, I really doubt he was trying to make her feel bad. Why would he care? When you know you're going to be dead shortly, petty things like that don't come into play. (I would hope).

I don't know... to me it's like, the dude was obviously sincere. He followed through. I know my last letter to the world wouldn't be something lame just to make someone feel bad. :2 cents:

Great point...

I told her that he really loved her because he wanted to look out for her, but the whole leaving her the gun thing made me think about it different and I don't want to say anything to her about that because she is hurting herself enough...

I'm not sure he can leave her the gun. Won't the police seize that because of the circumstances?

very sad. hope she finds the money, for what it's worth.

They probably will, but he wanted to leave it to her... he was very controlling of her and part me of thinks that this is his way of controlling the situation but it's a pretty extreme way of wanting to control this...

What is the point of posting this here?

people are insane.

Why are you second guessing the motives of a mentally ill person? That makes no sense. What happened, happened. It can't be undone. It's over. Grieve. Mourn. Move on.

JMHO

shity situation and sad, but she wanted to change her life...

He probably wanted to leave her a gun for protection. Most gun collectors see them as a tool for home defense. Most gun nuts I know keep a gun in their bedroom. Probably thought he was doing her a favour.

WOW, crazy read. So sorry for having this happen to you and your friend.
I'm kind of surprised he doesn't say much to Stacy in the letter. He mentions to his friend not to be mad at her but maybe something directly to her for closure would have been nice. Then again, he blames her for leaving him which is strange, why put that guilt on her.

Not sure. It's sad no matter how you look at it.

It's not her fault, he took the easy way out. We have all been there.

My condolences.

Taking your own life isn't something you decide on a wimp, and it isn't usually something being caused by just one factor.

I read many factors in his letter:
- being depressed for a long time
- the last 10 years were no real love
- his business partner (?) he pushed away and regrets it
- another divorce
- finances

So the decision to leave her husband could be the trigger but not the sole cause, and if she'd decided to stay with him there could have been another trigger coming anyways.

But this is all based on his letter ...

imo someone has really issues when 1/4 of a goodbye letter is about guns and ammunition. :2 cents:

I thought that was strange too he didn't say anything to her, just the friends?

He didn?t do it in his house either, they live on a lot of property so he went out into the field, called 911 and did it... he didn't want his body to not be found for days or weeks so he called to make sure they could find him. He also did it in his chest... I have never heard of someone shooting themselves in the chest.

It's just all so surreal... I was just talking to another friend of mine telling them how I don't know anyone personally who has died except when I was a teenager... and we were making silly comments about death and how it could be hoax. Just a stupid convo and then that night Stacy calls me and say Terry shot himself and she was freaked out...

So did she meet someone else to make her leave?

Looks like he went out like a man, other than the killing himself part. At least he didn't take her with him.

God that's some heavy shit, sometimes i think we are living a world of endless tragedy.

oh right, we are living in a world of endless tragedy.

they ABSOLUTELY can and most likely after investigation, will.

My friends husband shot himself. After a month or so they sent her the gun and the letter.

He shot himself in a public parking garage in his truck. The police left it to her to get it out of there. My family ended up taking care of it for her.

A lot of the times policies are most insincere...

He was really freaked about the government coming to get him... and he believed the government was killing us, he believe in 911 conspiracy all that stuff... obsessed with hating Bush... it was like Dude it's just a president I don't like a lot of them either but geesh...

If any of you met him you wouldn't think he was crazy or anything. He was funny, smart (as long as it wasn't politics) loved camping and hiking... you wouldn't really have known he was wacky wacky.

Free gun.

Sorry for your loss, but the way he writes the fist part of the letter is wrong and cowerdly. If you want to take your own life so be it, but to blame a huge portion of the reason behind it on the marrige being over, the divorce and him not being able to hander her not loving him??? That does nothing more than make the person you left behind feel as thought it is somehow their fault. I cant imagine how hard it would be to deal with that kind of loss, but to have the emotions mixed in of having to hear that somehow you are to blame???

Its a fucked up, thoughtless way to make your exit. 2c

God Loryn, I'm sorry.


I have known several people that took their own lives, and several that attempted it. The only advice I can give you and her is not to dwell on the "why's" too much.... and yet saying that, I know how very difficult it is not to go over those questions over and over in your head.

In the end no one can every really know the total universe inside of the mind of another person; and one short letter, written in pain, is not enough to truly understand the lifetime of experiences, thoughts and feelings that eventually lead someone to make this choice. In the end, you must simply accept it.



:(

Let your friend know I am still alive but would do something this crazy. She shouldn't feel guilty at all. In fact she should be pissed off just in the fact that he had the audacity to kill himself when he was with her. Who the fuck did he think he was? Fuck him! People do this stuff so you feel something for them cause they don't think you did in real life. I would like him to be alive again so I could kill him slowly with insane tortures. I shit you not!

Hopefully you can help her dodge the guilt he tried to tag her with.

Maybe he was simply mentally ill. Especially if he was crazy into government conspiracies.

Great, but the girl he left behind shouldn't pay for that.

If anything she should get some closure out of that simple fact.

You should suggest to your friend that she find a Co-dependency Anonymous group in here area. If she can't find that I'm sure she can find an alon group and people there can steer her in the right direction.

Thank you babe... and you are totally right. But somehow saying that to her doesn't really help right now, even though it's totally correct. She is just overwhelmed with so many conflicting thoughts. I understand where she is coming from. When you are with someone for so long and for it to end this way is just crazy.



and JA$ON you are right I think it is totally thoughtless. I would personally want to tell her, fuck him he is a dick and he is doing this to just try to control you more. He didn't end it, it wasn't on his terms, and if he can't get you to love him then he is going to get you to feel something for him in an intense way. But that sounds heartless, he is gone... and she has been under his thumb for so long, even though she had a eye opening revelation, it's still hard to shake that feeling. Emotional abuse, to me is worse than physical. Bones heal... I am so head strong I just can't image what it would feel like to be in her shoes...

That is my goal... that is all I am fighting to do...

He was controlling to the very end. Left instructions on how to live their life after he was gone. Classic.

so i guess he got you both and it's your problem now too! Damn hopefully some day I can fuck a chick up this badly too! God, knows enough of them have fucked my head up this badly.

so many people out there are on the edge. you never know what you might say that could have a positive/negative impact.

I tend to agree with this.

There's two ways a person can commit suicide psychologically.

One would be as a means of escaping life and leaving behind a sincere apology to those you've hurt while thanking them for all the good they've done.

The other would be one meant to hurt and force guilt on those they left behind even though it's not justifiable.

Going only by your post I'd say this guy was of the latter and his suicide was purposely done in a way to leave your friend hurt and feeling guilty.

I feel he didn't want here to have the gun for future protection, he wants her to have it in her possession so it's a constant reminder to her of what he's done. In his eyes it's what she's made him do.

His other behavior, done mostly in private suggest his controlling behavior and this type of suicide is a way to control her even after his death.

Your friend need's know that it's not her fault and steps should be taken to remove all guilt from her. Her eyes need to be opened to know exactly how this guy thought.

She is very lucky that he didn't take her with him.

A few weeks ago and just a few blocks over from my place a man went to his ex wife's house It was 8:00 in the morning and kids were walking by on the way to school. He knocked on the door and the ex wife's new husband started to come to the door when the guy outside opened fire shooting through all the windows and door. He escaped out the back door and ran down the street but the guy with the gun ran him down and shot him dead on the sidewalk.

The wife was already on her way to work but for some reason had turned around and came back home. She pulled up just as her new husband was getting shot, saw what was happening and put the car in reverse but her ex was still able to shoot her dead in the car. It rolled back into a tree. Then standing there on the sidewalk with both people dead and the neighbors watching out the windows, the guy turned the gun on himself and committed suicide.

When a person reaches a point where taking a life is ok whether it's someone else or their own it can be a dangerous and volatile situation. Your friend should find comfort in knowing he didn't take her with him.

Removing guilt should be the main focus and she doesn't deserve to be saddled with it.

Sounds like she has some really great friends and a great support group is now more important that ever. I hope you can find a way to help her through this trying time. It will take some time but the key is to get her thinking in the right direction.

I wish you and your friend the best :)

I kinda think he wanted her dead too... I think if she went over there when he asked her to, to exchange cars, it would have been a murder suicide. I could care less about him... I mean I feel bad for him because he is so messed up and I feel bad for people who are messed because life can be so wonderful, but I just care about her... she is a great girl who is so giving. She gave up everything for him. She can play a fucking AMAZING piano and she stopped because he would always put down the way she played and tell her she wasn't good enough. Anyone who heard that girl play would always beg her to keep playing and he just hated that... I tell you when he was a live there were many times he and I almost went to blows but I always put it to me being a bitch haha

Thank you for your post. I am going to do everything I can to help her remove guilt. She was feeling so good about herself, and so happy to be who she was again... Last week she told me on the phone, and I could hear her choking up a bit as she said it, how much she actually missed who she was. She literally said the words, I am a great person, who has talent and people like me. (I know that reads gay but if you heard her saying it, it didn't at all) I haven't heard her EVER speak highly of herself. I always had to tell her how funny or talented she was. When she puts her mind to something she does it. She wanted to get into fitness. Within 2 years she won a Miss Fitness pageant in South Dakota. I kept telling her how hot she was and even with that win she didn't believe it and I couldn't believe him. He kept talking about the other girls in the contest. So of course me being a bitch, I kept saying "Damn Stacy you don't think you are hot, look at all these body builders (they were male) checking you out. That last guy was hot." Terry stopped talking about other girls when I said that, and then of course before the end of the night I could tell he didn't want me around anymore.

Thank you guys for your input! I am debating on reading her some of your comments, before she settles in on guilt thoughts. I think I?m just going to stay on her with him being an asshole because I am afraid if she accepts the guilt it will be 100x's harder to get rid of it, than if I just verbally beat it out of her while it's new in her mind that he is just controlling you and trying to take away the life you were starting, not get on the piano, go to the gym let?s do this girls... I also think she should sell the house and move away from there...start over...