When do 'kids' grow up?

[epitome]

Brad mentioned that his twins turned 5 today.

Bad Dog says it only starts to go faster.

That got me to thinking...when do kids "grow up" to their parents?

For my last birthday my Dad sent me a $300 check. Until this past Christmas, my Mom bought me the same number of presents she bought me when I was 10.

I live in a nice house with nice things and my Mom still feels it is necessary to bring me a bag of groceries.

Ironically, my parents always let me do whatever I wanted as a teenager. They were never overbearing...the only requirement was that I make it home in one piece. I always did.

Is it parental guilt, not willing to admit their babies have grown up or something else? I loved my childhood so there should be no guilt on their end.

Edit: I should mention that I am 30 and moved out on my own at 19.

[Fletch XXX]

My mom has told me the same line on my brthday for many, many years now that my brothers and Ive grown... "I dont do birthday presents"

lol love my mom she is ruthless and the reason I am who I am today, she always said, ill be here for you when you need something not on your birthday and she was right.

[Robocrop]

My parents left me in a shithole when I was 9, they told me I must survive on my own. Today I am still in the same shithole..the only change is that I have class.

[baddog]

My kids were grown up long before 30, that is for sure.

Sounds like momz has a problem letting go.

[epitome]

I pondered my own question...

I buy my Mom a lot of things because she struggles financially. She was a stay-at-home Mom that was forced out into the big bad world after divorce. That may be her "payback" but she would never call it that.

Although I had a great childhood and even enjoyed my teenage years, my parents marriage fell apart when I was 14 and my Dad wasn't the best Dad for a few years. He did not pay child support and my Mom had to work twice as hard to make ends meet.

So with my Mom, it may be a psychological thing about her feeling that she should provide for her kids and not the other way around. The reality is that she did a ton more for me than I could ever do for her. I am who I am because of her.

With my Dad, it may be a guilty feeling about not being around during my most expensive years as a kid (since I didn't go to college). He also missed out on a lot of milestones.

My Mom will never get it though. She was always my inspiration, so buying her things (in addition to showering her with love) is my way of saying thanks for believing in me and making sure I landed on my feet. She struggled to give me a good life and I think of this as the payback for always putting me first and going without for so many years so that I could go with. You would have never guessed that we were poor when I was a teenager.

My Mom is the epitome of the single Mom that always put her kids first.

[Spunky]

My mom still treats me like a kid and I'm in my forties

[SilentKnight]

In Sept. my youngest daughter turns 16 and hopes to get her licence and navigate our 2-ton vehicle on public streets.

In Sept. I'm either going to admit that she's finally grown up...or staying the hell off the streets myself.

[CurrentlySober]

You know what I got for my Birthday? Oh, it was a banner fucking year at the old Bender family. I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said, "Hey, smoke up Johnny." Alright? So go home and cry to your Mommy. Don't cry here, okay?

[epitome]

Originally Posted by baddog

My kids were grown up long before 30, that is for sure.

Sounds like momz has a problem letting go.

She may...my most recent post delves into that a bit.

Another thing...my brother is doing well now, but he didn't "grow up" until his early 30's. He was always needing help. Ten years later he has a beautiful family, a great job and a beautiful home. It's almost like he is a different person. He just needed to find that perfect woman and he did. It took failed first marriages and a kid for both, but they eventually found each other.

Maybe my Mom thinks me and my brother are the same...but we have different Dad's and he takes after his Dad and I take after my Mom and we couldn't be more different people.

[ArsewithClass]

Originally Posted by epitome

Brad mentioned that his twins turned 5 today.

I should mention that I am 30 and moved out on my own at 19.

Congrats to Brad as said on his post already...

Hey epitome, Natalie & I also moved out of our parents home when we were young & now are 34.... I never want to grow up lol!

Its always great to mess about & enjoy time with your children when you have them.

I used to play toy cars when I was 26.... with my 3 boys! hehe...

On an honest basis, I think you have to stand on your own 2 feet & look at life that you are the one that is going to be looking after your parents when they get too old to cope.

A time & a place for grown up stuff but it doesnt hurt to be mature in situations instead of acting like a kid... arguements with the misses & all that sort of stuff. Sometimes you have to just turn around & say im sorry even when you havnt even done anything wrong!

Wishing you the best. & lol.. enjoy the groceries!

[Fletch XXX]

Originally Posted by baddog

My kids were grown up long before 30, that is for sure.

Sounds like momz has a problem letting go.

no kidding, today my youngest brother (22) and I went to the store to buy my mom things SHE NEEDED, not the other way around. Crazy to think of my mom coming over to my house bringing me groceries... let go mom, let it go.

[epitome]

So here is the follow-up question.

Is it a bad thing that my parents think I am 12? In my case, I don't think so. I am happy with the life I've built, for which they are the foundation.

Many of my friends of similar age are still finding themselves. I did that 7 years ago.

[epitome]

Originally Posted by ArsewithClass

On an honest basis, I think you have to stand on your own 2 feet & look at life that you are the one that is going to be looking after your parents when they get too old to cope.

I agree with you! You're only as old as you feel!

Now for what I quoted above...I tell my Mom that I work so hard so that I can afford a nice nursing home for her. She hates when I say that.

The condo I got her...it has wider doors for wheelchair access. She refuses to admit that the older she gets, the more she has to consider these types of things for down the road. At the time she was saying that she never wanted to move again...I felt the need to make sure she wouldn't have to. She has since moved. LOL

[epitome]

Originally Posted by Fletch XXX

no kidding, today my youngest brother (22) and I went to the store to buy my mom things SHE NEEDED, not the other way around. Crazy to think of my mom coming over to my house bringing me groceries... let go mom, let it go.

Did you not read the part about me helping her financially these days and that it may just be her way of paying me back? I don't want any type of payback, but she has a crazy independent streak in her. I already have to get crafty with the excuses to get her take anything in the first place.

She didn't marry her current husband for 15 years because she didn't want to be tied down to a man. Granted, she was tied down to him all of those years, but she didn't want a piece of paper saying it. I finally convinced her to marry him because he has excellent benefits with his state job. Both he and her call it their "business arrangement" because neither wanted to marry again; thought their love was enough.

[Fletch XXX]

Originally Posted by epitome

Did you not read the part about me helping her financially these days and that it may just be her way of paying me back?

you shouldnt take my comments to baddog as personal for they had nothing to do with you at all.

[epitome]

Originally Posted by Fletch XXX

you shouldnt take my comments to baddog as personal for they had nothing to do with you at all.

Um, I was quoting you and your comment about how crazy it would be if you Mom brought you groceries over. Don't make it something it wasn't.

[candyflip]

I just decided to start growing up. It took having two kids in 1 year to convince me.

[ArsewithClass]

Originally Posted by epitome

I agree with you! You're only as old as you feel!

Now for what I quoted above...I tell my Mom that I work so hard so that I can afford a nice nursing home for her. She hates when I say that.

The condo I got her...it has wider doors for wheelchair access. She refuses to admit that the older she gets, the more she has to consider these types of things for down the road. At the time she was saying that she never wanted to move again...I felt the need to make sure she wouldn't have to. She has since moved. LOL

lol.. yes I get where you are going. Like everyone, things change & people do think differently all the time!

Keep heading for the condo. If she doesnt want it, you can enjoy it!

[epitome]

Originally Posted by ArsewithClass

lol.. yes I get where you are going. Like everyone, things change & people do think differently all the time!

Keep heading for the condo. If she doesnt want it, you can enjoy it!

LOL the condo already came and went. She just moved on the 12th.

She thought she wanted something that big and then hated having something that big. She wanted a "home office" so I got her a 2 bed, 2 bath. She then decided she wanted a 1 bed, 1 bath because it's less to keep up with.

Personally, I like my space and always have more than is practical. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a huge house, but this is a house that was built for a family of 4 or 5 and it's just the two of us here. We have two empty rooms that I had big plans for but we never did anything with. I wanted a home office but our bedroom still looked too empty even after throwing a sofa in, so I just moved my desk and credenza in there to fill the extra space. My boyfriend wanted a studio but does all of his stuff in the master walk-in. I guess we just need to buy some kids...

[Socks]

Originally Posted by epitome

I pondered my own question...

I buy my Mom a lot of things because she struggles financially. She was a stay-at-home Mom that was forced out into the big bad world after divorce. That may be her "payback" but she would never call it that.

Although I had a great childhood and even enjoyed my teenage years, my parents marriage fell apart when I was 14 and my Dad wasn't the best Dad for a few years. He did not pay child support and my Mom had to work twice as hard to make ends meet.

So with my Mom, it may be a psychological thing about her feeling that she should provide for her kids and not the other way around. The reality is that she did a ton more for me than I could ever do for her. I am who I am because of her.

With my Dad, it may be a guilty feeling about not being around during my most expensive years as a kid (since I didn't go to college). He also missed out on a lot of milestones.

My Mom will never get it though. She was always my inspiration, so buying her things (in addition to showering her with love) is my way of saying thanks for believing in me and making sure I landed on my feet. She struggled to give me a good life and I think of this as the payback for always putting me first and going without for so many years so that I could go with. You would have never guessed that we were poor when I was a teenager.

My Mom is the epitome of the single Mom that always put her kids first.

And her buying you gifts is a way of staying relevant with her son of today, and her son of the past, and her being a mother to you.

[MichelleB]

Originally Posted by epitome

Brad mentioned that his twins turned 5 today.

Bad Dog says it only starts to go faster.

That got me to thinking...when do kids "grow up" to their parents?

For my last birthday my Dad sent me a $300 check. Until this past Christmas, my Mom bought me the same number of presents she bought me when I was 10.

I live in a nice house with nice things and my Mom still feels it is necessary to bring me a bag of groceries.

Ironically, my parents always let me do whatever I wanted as a teenager. They were never overbearing...the only requirement was that I make it home in one piece. I always did.

Is it parental guilt, not willing to admit their babies have grown up or something else? I loved my childhood so there should be no guilt on their end.

Edit: I should mention that I am 30 and moved out on my own at 19.

Dunno still trying to thinck of what I want to be when I grow up. LOL

[LiveDose]

It's a great question and the answer fluctuates with circumstance.

[flip.green]

Kids grow up when they are start taking responsibility for their own actions

OR when they start talking back and you punch them in the face, if they dont fall down they must be grown.

I have 2 teens they dont talk back or take responsibility im wondering if i should punch them in the face just to see but i dont have the heart.

I do think its a shame when mult teens (20's 30's blahs) still dont take responsibility. In this mood im wondering if humanity has it all wrong. Perhaps parents should eat their young when they think things are not going to turn out well.

[Rochard]

I left home when I was sixteen, was in the Marines when I was seventeen. I grew up fast.

I had dinner a few weeks ago with a bunch of friends and a sixty-five year old Asian woman who said something that got me thinking. She said "The older you get, the quickly time flies by you". And that's true. When your younger - even thirty - your still learning things every day. The older you get, the more time flies right by you.

[baddog]

For the record, while I may be getting older, I don't feel like growing up.

That being said, I just got back from dinner with my parents as they insisted on taking me out for my birthday, which was like two weeks ago, but this was the first I was home.

[baddog]

[baddog]

Originally Posted by Rochard

I had dinner a few weeks ago with a bunch of friends and a sixty-five year old Asian woman who said something that got me thinking. She said "The older you get, the quickly time flies by you". And that's true. When your younger - even thirty - your still learning things every day. The older you get, the more time flies right by you.

Better late than never I guess.