Disorder in the American Courts

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  • blogsy
    Confirmed User
    • Jul 2003
    • 212

    #1

    Disorder in the American Courts

    I think I'll get this book

    "These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place."

    Q: Are you sexually active?
    A: No, I just lie there.

    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July 15th.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.

    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

    Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

    Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.

    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.

    Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.

    Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ___________________________________
    Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
    _____________________________________
    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    ______________________________________
    Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?
    _____________________________________
    Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?
    ______________________________________
    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
    ______________________________________
    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female?
    ______________________________________
    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ______________________________________
    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    ______________________________________
    Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.
    ______________________________________
    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
    ______________________________________
    Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    ______________________________________
    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere
  • baddog
    So Fucking Banned
    • Apr 2001
    • 107089

    #2
    Some of those are pretty funny.

    Comment

    • Tom_PM
      Porn Meister
      • Feb 2005
      • 16443

      #3
      lmfao @ the last one
      43-922-863 Shut up and play your guitar.

      Comment

      • Phoenix
        BACON BACON BACON
        • Nov 2002
        • 35475

        #4
        yeah i liked the last one..and the one where the doctor asks if he actually passed the bar exam..lol
        Telegram PhoenixBrad
        https://quantads.io

        Comment

        • halfpint
          GFY's Halfpint
          • Jun 2007
          • 15223

          #5
          Thanks those made me lol

          Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
          A: Oral.

          Get FREE website listings on Cryptocoinshops.net

          Comment

          • gmr324
            Confirmed User
            • Aug 2006
            • 1199

            #6
            I needed a good laugh today. Thanks!

            Comment

            • Pleasurepays
              BANNED - SUPPORTING TUBES
              • Aug 2002
              • 11913

              #7
              its like reading bash.org

              Comment

              • _Richard_
                Too lazy to set a custom title
                • Oct 2006
                • 30989

                #8
                haha i read a lot of those before.. painfully funny

                Comment

                • sortie
                  Confirmed User
                  • Mar 2007
                  • 7771

                  #9
                  Originally posted by PR_Tom
                  lmfao @ the last one

                  Comment

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