Should I answer this personal ad? - GoFuckYourself.com

Paper_Amar · 10-22-2008, 09:05 AM

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/848306070.html

Am I the only one that gets a bit turned on by this shit?

Quote:

I know that all your ex-girlfriends are 'psychos.' I've heard all about them since hardly a day goes by that you don't make some eye-rolling reference to 'that crazy bitch' who practically ruined your life and then went off and married some successful 'douchebag' leaving you to troll local college bars in search of no-strings-attached ass while she enjoys quiet weekends at home with her new in-laws in Connecticut. That selfish, cunt.

I know that you don't think I could ever be as good of a 'psycho ex' as she was. But, I assure you. I can. I'll be such a raving lunatic nutcase - you won't even remember her when I'm through with you. Try me.

For starters - I am great in bed. Isn't that how all the 'crazy' ones start out? You'll meet me at some party through some friend of a friend of a friend who knows I have 'whacko' potential but will fail to mention this to the chain of people through whom we are introduced because...quite frankly, our friends don't really care enough about either of us to keep our best interests in mind. Alternatively, they *do* have our best interests in mind but know that our dramatic personalities and overwhelming egos are forces too powerful for even the most friendly, logical advice. Thus, they abort all attempts to keep us apart and allow us to get drunk and grope each other publicly, shaking their heads all the while because..this shit is gonna' blow up big time.

Meantime, we'll already be upstairs, half undressed where you'll be too drunk to censor yourself so you'll make overly generous blubbering commentary about how 'sexy' I am (as I knock into a table lamp with swanlike grace). You'll also rave on and on about how I have the greatest tits you've ever seen and am 'fucking amazing' on all other fronts (as if I didn't know). Compared to the four other chicks you've banged, this will be the best sex of your life. And as soon as we're done, you'll start forming a mental list of which buddies you are going to text message first about this while at the same time wondering if you could possibly spend the rest of your life with me.

In the sobering light of morning, you'll forget that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me and instead opt for a "two-night stand" but you'll quickly realize that I am having none of that and somehow weasle my way into staying over, cooking breakfast and reading your newspaper. I will also have conveniently brought my toothbrush and some sanitary products which I quickly store in your bathroom cabinets since 'I'm going to be spending a lot of time at your place.' Your Maxim magazines will go from the top of the toilet to the bottom of the wastebasket because I find them 'offensive' and 'immature.'

Later that day, you'll log onto Facebook and find out that I'm 'in a relationship'...with you. Yay! At first, you'll think it's creepy but then (due to your inferiority complex) you'll take it as a compliment and change your relationship status too.

Within an hour, you'll receive 57 new notifications which indicate that I've commented on every photo in your album in which you appear with an unidentified female. Your relationships with these family members, college friends and co-workers will quickly disintegrate as you mistake my obsession for passion and declare your undying commitment to me and stop returning other people's calls.

Friends will caution you but you'll be too blinded by my mind-blowing felatio technique to notice anything. Besides, I've explained that they're just jealous of our love. Together, our poor self images will have us each convinced that the other is cheating. We'll fight about it all the time. Non-stop.

On our 'good days' we'll shower each other with undeserved gifts and sexual favors and the accusatory banter will be minimal - though still prevalent.

Things will be going 'pretty well' for a while until one night your phone battery dies and you fall asleep early - forcing me into an incoherent panic. Six unreturned voicemails and text messages will lead me to believe only the worst - you ARE cheating on me! To confirm my suspicions, I will immediately log into all your personal accounts - since you are so technologically oblivious you left your passwords saved on my computer - and find a message to be mad about. It will likely be a harmless flirtation from a platonic friend who lives six states away that pushes me over the edge.

Unable to reach her or you - I will scramble into my car and drive barefoot to your apartment where I will ride up on the curb knocking over an unsuspecting potted plant. The commotion outside will rouse you from your slumber and you'll stumble bleary- eyed to the window just in time to see me throw the car in reverse and plow into your beloved Huyndai Elantra.

In short order, the police will come, I will cry, you will shout, your landlord will evict you and your insurance company will drop you.
On the bright side, our names will be forever emblazoned together onto a county police report.

Despite all this, it will take another several months for you to come to your senses and break-up with me. Knowing that I am a ticking bomb, you will execute this in the kindest, most reasonable way possible. You will make every effort to lift my spirits by explaning that "It's not you, it's me." and that "I deserve someone better."

All this, to no avail. The only way you can truly be rid of me is to change your phone number and move across the country where you'll make new friends and find a new insecure girlfriend to emotionally abuse for months until she finally reaches her psychological breaking point and throws a wine glass at you and storms out of a restaurant.

Everyone will be looking at you, dripping in Pinot Noir with an astonished look on your face. In your head you'll be thinking, "Ha. That was nothing. You should see my Huyndai Elantra."

And, that, is why I'll be the best psycho ex-girlfriend you've ever had.

kelly kola · 10-22-2008, 09:17 AM

That is fucking great!!! I can't believe someone actually posted that!! How hilarious!! AND true!!

ali25extreme · 10-22-2008, 09:22 AM

This is some funny shit...sad it took me forever to read it but I can say that this is how it will go. She is way past the point of caring anymore. if this turns you on than go for it. lol I would ask why someone would write this but I have seen and heard stranger things in my short life to even raise an eyebrow about it. Good luck and I am not sure why but I think that this is the one for you. LMAO
It is so true to crazy psycho women... i have 4 brothers and i have seen all kinds of crazy.

Klen · 10-22-2008, 09:23 AM

Toomuch words on ' for my taste

tony286 · 10-22-2008, 09:28 AM

Thats a keeper lol

ManuelX · 10-22-2008, 09:29 AM

Only if you own a Hyundayi Elantra, lol

Meeper · 10-22-2008, 09:35 AM

that's phenomenal.

PaygeaGrl · 10-22-2008, 09:46 AM

Sounds like a keeper! Go for it:-)

Stellar · 10-22-2008, 10:14 AM

Fucking Fantastic

camperjohn64 · 10-22-2008, 10:32 AM

>> Friends will caution you but you'll be too blinded by my mind-blowing felatio technique to notice anything.

hahaaha

Shayna · 10-22-2008, 10:49 AM

That was awesome!!!
Hey, at least she seems to be positive about her "flaws"

lol

Joe BrainCash · 10-22-2008, 11:13 AM

She did mention she was great in bed and gave good head..so go for it!

MrAwesome · 10-22-2008, 11:17 AM

thats the best twist i've ever read...give er

Bart-ESO · 10-22-2008, 11:20 AM

Hmmm, this reminds me of my ex

Ayla_SquareTurtle · 10-22-2008, 11:53 AM

I think I know that chick.

martinsc · 10-22-2008, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ayla_SquareTurtle

I think I know that chick.

i think i had one of those too....

sicone · 10-22-2008, 12:08 PM

She had me until she said she'd throw my Maxim mags away.

LauraLee · 10-22-2008, 12:23 PM

That was GREAT.

WebairChris · 10-22-2008, 12:56 PM

Haha that's great I think we have all had one of these before...but I probably still wouldn't be able to resist

10-22-2008, 09:17 AM	#2
kelly kola Ice's love slave Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Pompano Beach,Fl Posts: 303	That is fucking great!!! I can't believe someone actually posted that!! How hilarious!! AND true!! __________________ GET PAID $75 BUCKS FOR FREE TRIAL!!! \| ICQ 361795233 \| My Adult Who's Who \| email: kelly<at>bosbucks.com \|

10-22-2008, 09:22 AM	#3
ali25extreme Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 188	This is some funny shit...sad it took me forever to read it but I can say that this is how it will go. She is way past the point of caring anymore. if this turns you on than go for it. lol I would ask why someone would write this but I have seen and heard stranger things in my short life to even raise an eyebrow about it. Good luck and I am not sure why but I think that this is the one for you. LMAO It is so true to crazy psycho women... i have 4 brothers and i have seen all kinds of crazy. __________________ Need design work done? CLICK the SIG! 118156620-icq Forest AT silverclouddesign.com Last edited by ali25extreme; 10-22-2008 at 09:24 AM..

10-22-2008, 09:35 AM	#7
Meeper Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Beverly Hills, CA Posts: 2,642	that's phenomenal. __________________ *Nick "Meeper"* Amoroso [SIZE="1"] Hustler.com / BarelyLegal.com / HustlersReviews.com / HustlerTube.com / HustlerShare.com**

10-22-2008, 09:46 AM	#8
PaygeaGrl Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Florida Posts: 537	Sounds like a keeper! Go for it:-) __________________ Patricia Brandon VP/Sales and Business Development Paygea- EU and US Merchant Account option EU Incorporation provided Use our gateway, Netbilling, Rsbilling, or Jettis [email protected] ICQ: 470462755 See Who I Am At AdultWhosWho.com!

10-22-2008, 10:32 AM	#10
camperjohn64 Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 1,531	>> Friends will caution you but you'll be too blinded by my mind-blowing felatio technique to notice anything. hahaaha __________________ www.gimmiegirlproductions.com

10-22-2008, 09:23 AM	#4
Klen Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Little Vienna Posts: 32,235	Toomuch words on ' for my taste

10-22-2008, 09:28 AM	#5
tony286 lurker Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: atlanta Posts: 57,021	Thats a keeper lol

10-22-2008, 09:29 AM	#6
ManuelX Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Andorra Posts: 657	Only if you own a Hyundayi Elantra, lol

10-22-2008, 10:14 AM	#9
Stellar So Fucking Banned Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 611	Fucking Fantastic

10-22-2008, 10:49 AM	#11
Shayna Registered User Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: The Valley, CA Posts: 52	That was awesome!!! Hey, at least she seems to be positive about her "flaws" lol

10-22-2008, 11:13 AM	#12
Joe BrainCash Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Boy, life is difficult... Posts: 2,092	She did mention she was great in bed and gave good head..so go for it! __________________ [email protected] ICQ: 394.549.466

10-22-2008, 11:17 AM	#13
MrAwesome Confirmed User Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 898	thats the best twist i've ever read...give er __________________ CraftCannabis

10-22-2008, 11:20 AM	#14
Bart-ESO Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: AWEmpire.com Posts: 128	Hmmm, this reminds me of my ex __________________ "Why is AWE so damn popular?" Current And Future AWE Affiliates Feel Free To Contact Me Bart - Account Manager bart/at/awempire.com id me on AdultWhosWho Skype:bartawe ICQ:415-579-641

10-22-2008, 11:53 AM	#15
Ayla_SquareTurtle Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: 5000 full paysite reviews and counting Posts: 3,550	I think I know that chick. __________________ gone. long gone. aylasquareturtle .."a"t".. gmail dawt com

10-22-2008, 12:08 PM	#17
sicone Retired Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Sac Posts: 18,453	She had me until she said she'd throw my Maxim mags away. __________________

10-22-2008, 12:23 PM	#18
LauraLee Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: (Still) One Touch Cockie Posts: 3,821	That was GREAT. __________________ Priority Payout skype lauralee.bunker LL's Email

10-22-2008, 12:56 PM	#19
WebairChris Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 245	Haha that's great I think we have all had one of these before...but I probably still wouldn't be able to resist __________________ Industrial Strength Webhosting Since 1996! Multiple Datacenter Locations Managed Dedicated • Virtual Hosting • Colocated [email protected] • 1.866.WEBAIR1 *Webair Economy Buster Hosting Special!*