Canadians: The ant and the grashopper

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  • WarChild
    Let slip the dogs of war.
    • Jan 2003
    • 17263

    #1

    Canadians: The ant and the grashopper

    I lifed this from another forum. It doesn't quote an original source or author.

    Original Version:

    The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

    The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

    THE END


    Canadian Version:



    The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. So far, so good, eh?

    The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like him, are cold and starving.

    The CBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper, with cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

    Canadians are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.

    The NDP, the CAW and the Coalition Against Poverty demonstrate in front of the ant's house. The CBC, interrupting an Inuit cultural festival special from Nunavut with breaking news, broadcasts them singing 'We Shall Overcome.'

    Jack Layton rants in an interview with Mike Duffy that the ant has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his 'fair share'.

    In response to polls, the Conservative Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

    The ant's taxes are reassessed, and he is also fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as helpers.

    Without enough money to pay both the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

    The ant moves to the US , and starts a successful agribiz company.

    The CBC later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of the ant's food, though spring is still months away, while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it.

    Inadequate government funding is blamed, BobRae is appointed to head a commission of enquiry that will cost $10,000,000.

    The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose, the Toronto Star blames it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity.

    The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders, praised by the government for enriching Canada's multicultural diversity, who promptly set up a marijuana grow op and terrorize the community.

    THE END
    .
  • magicmike
    Confirmed User
    • Feb 2003
    • 2384

    #2
    lol, fuck the ndp
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    Comment

    • fuzebox
      making it rain
      • Oct 2003
      • 22352

      #3
      so completely true.

      Comment

      • SilentKnight
        Megan Fox's fluffer
        • Oct 2005
        • 24818

        #4
        Canada in a nutshell.

        A good laugh.

        Comment

        • Dame
          Confirmed User
          • May 2005
          • 354

          #5
          That was pretty good and sounds like how things would go down

          Comment

          • cwd
            Confirmed User
            • Feb 2006
            • 1955

            #6
            so you're saying I gotta go to the spiders for my weed now?

            Comment

            • Doug of Montreal
              Confirmed User
              • Jul 2007
              • 1877

              #7
              That's funny... : Anyone feel winter coming on??
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              Comment

              • NoWhErE
                Too lazy to set a custom title
                • Sep 2005
                • 10583

                #8
                THat wouldn't happen in Quebec though
                skype: lordofthecameltoe

                Comment

                • Hazlewood
                  Confirmed User
                  • Sep 2006
                  • 1555

                  #9
                  well that was fuckin weird

                  Skype: hazegsm

                  Comment

                  • emmanuelle
                    Confirmed User
                    • Mar 2003
                    • 3662

                    #10
                    haha! so true

                    Comment

                    • BillyHoe
                      Confirmed User
                      • Mar 2003
                      • 2214

                      #11
                      lol nice.

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                      ICQ:124399549

                      Comment

                      • _Richard_
                        Too lazy to set a custom title
                        • Oct 2006
                        • 30991

                        #12
                        hahahaha

                        Comment

                        • baddog
                          So Fucking Banned
                          • Apr 2001
                          • 107089

                          #13
                          Redistribution.

                          Comment

                          • Sly
                            Let's do some business!
                            • Sep 2004
                            • 31376

                            #14
                            It would be funny if it wasn't so sad...
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                            • WarChild
                              Let slip the dogs of war.
                              • Jan 2003
                              • 17263

                              #15
                              Originally posted by NoWhErE
                              THat wouldn't happen in Quebec though
                              No, of course not. You'd be very hard pressed to find an Ant in Quebec. A few can be found in Montreal, otherwise, everyone is a grasshopper.
                              .

                              Comment

                              • OnSpec
                                Registered User
                                • Sep 2006
                                • 25

                                #16
                                Kanada

                                Hey... where were the throat singers?
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