"Why I, like hundreds of other young women, chose to be sterilised at the age of 21"

[xmas13]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...ed-age-21.html

Most girls nearing their 21st birthday might be expected to plan a party, or let it be known that a particular piece of jewellery would not go amiss to mark the occasion.

Jacquelyn Arnold decided to treat herself to an operation which sterilised her so that she would never be able to have children.

In many ways, such a decision would be disturbing at any age, but for a woman barely out of her teens it is deeply shocking - not only because she was so young, but because many will feel that it goes against the most primeval instinct inherent in a woman's character: that one day she will have children.

And yet Jacquelyn herself doesn't see it that way at all. Eight years on, the politics PhD student from London is adamant she has never suffered a moment's regret.

'It's difficult to pinpoint the moment I realised I never, ever wanted children of my own, because it's something I've always known,' says Jacquelyn, 29, who lives with her boyfriend of four years, David, 29, an advertising account manager for Microsoft.

'It wasn't a case of waking up one morning and thinking: "I don't want children, I'm going to be sterilised." I just knew.

'Even as a little girl, I was never interested in dolls or playing mums and dads in the playground. I was happier with a set of Lego bricks.

'A couple of my friends have children, but on the whole I'm not too fond of them. I'm not very good at playing with them or giving cuddles, so I tend to keep my distance.

'I also think that growing up as an only child may have exacerbated my desire not to have babies - I was very independent even as a youngster and wasn't used to being around other children.

'I don't feel any less womanly because I'm sterile, either. Femininity is about much more than being able to bear children, it's to do with your whole sense of identity and I've always been very clear about who I am and what I want.

'Having children changes everything. I have friends who will spend the foreseeable future dealing with sleepless nights, school runs and teenage tantrums, while hopefully I'll be forging a great career, living life to the full and travelling the world.'

What's intriguing about her story is that Jacquelyn is an intelligent woman who had thought deeply about her choice and was still resolved to see it through - even if she was at an age when most women are more concerned with what they wear than whether they might want children now or in the future.

The trigger for Jacquelyn actually going to a clinic and having a sterilisation, formally known as tubal occlusion, was finding out that it was available to young women after reading about it in a magazine.

'At the time, I was on the Pill, but it gave me terrible nausea and migraines. Other contraception I'd researched, like the coil or implants, carried similar potential side-effects and risks.

'I'd been with my boyfriend at the time for six months. He was 27 and told me he didn't want children either, so there was no issue between us over me being sterilised. I didn't even confide in my girlfriends, because my mind was made up and I didn't see the point of having them try to talk me out of it.'

Lengthy research showed Jacquelyn there were two choices; either take a chance with a sympathetic GP to get a referral (the NHS is reluctant to perform sterilisations on women under 30 who don't already have children), or go private and pay £500 to have the operation at a Marie Stopes clinic, the UK's leading provider of sexual and reproductive health services.

Sensing that at just 21 she would be greeted with dismay by the NHS, which performs around 40,000 female sterilisations every year, the majority on women who already have children, she bypassed her GP and went to Marie Stopes in Brixton, South London, in October 2000.

'I was still prepared for an interrogation because of my age and the doctor's first words were: "You're very young. Do you understand what sterilisation is and the implications it would have on your life?"

'But after a 30-minute conversation, she realised I had made an informed choice. I made an appointment to be sterilised a month later.'

While she plainly felt she was doing the right thing, it's clear that a woman being sterilised will have serious repercussions for her existing family - not to mention any potential husbands she might meet.

Her decision was made all the more momentous because since she is an only child, she was taking away any chance for her parents to experience the joy of being grandparents.

Jacquelyn insists that despite this, they did not try to talk her out of her decision.

'My parents were fine about it. They didn't descend into a dark depression because they will never have grandchildren. They reassured me they would support me all the way. There were no lengthy, heart-wrenching conversations.'

So it was that on a chilly December morning her then boyfriend dropped her at the clinic for her surgery.

The process of female sterilisation (which now costs £1,090 through Marie Stopes) takes around 30 minutes and involves a general anaesthetic.

Tiny incisions are made in the navel and the pubic area, through which gas is pumped to 'inflate' the woman's reproductive area, giving the surgeon room to work inside.

The fallopian tubes are either cut, tied or doubled over and secured with a ring to prevent eggs being released into the womb.

'I felt a bit groggy and my stomach was bloated and tender, but nothing too uncomfortable,' Jacquelyn recalls. 'Forty-eight hours later, I was back at work. I came off the Pill straight away.

'Sadly, your periods don't stop once you've been sterilised - you simply don't release eggs.'

Jacquelyn split from her boyfriend in 2003 after they drifted apart and admits she was nervous how her sterility would affect future relationships.

'I knew it might send some men running for the hills,' she says. 'After the break-up, I had a couple of relationships, but neither was serious enough for us to discuss having children.

'I met my current boyfriend when I was 26, and I was lucky that I knew him through a friend, so he was aware I'd been sterilised.

'David is certain he doesn't want children, either - he doesn't think he'd be a bad parent, it's just an inherent feeling that he simply doesn't want that life for himself.'

And what if Jacquelyn fell in love with another man who did want children?

She is equally bullish: 'The answer is that if he did then the relationship wouldn't work. If David one day has a change of heart, it would be the equivalent of him telling me he was gay. It would end our relationship.

'People may say that 21 was too young for me to make such an important decision to remove the choice to have my own children. Yet other women have babies at the same age, which in my view is a far greater responsibility because that little person is wholly dependent on them.

'I'm sure countless couples have children because they feel that they should, and not because they really, truly want to.'

All well and good, except that Jacquelyn fails to acknowledge that children bring a unique richness to parents' lives which no amount of money or success can match.

Julie Douglas, a spokeswoman for Marie Stopes, says most child-free women who approach them for a sterilisation are similarly sure of their own minds, even though they have never had the chance to experience motherhood for themselves.

?They?ve usually done a lot of research,? she explains. ?And they are counselled by a doctor or nurse to make sure they understand that it?s a very permanent method of contraception.

'If a woman starts to probe too much about the possibility of a reversal further down the line ? which is virtually impossible ? then alarm bells start to sound.?

[V_RocKs]

bitch is just crazy enough to do porn.

[Eriic]

I have always known that I did not want children even before I reached my preteens. When I was in High School there was a beautiful Mexican girl that followed me around claiming she wanted to have my children, I did not give it to her, but I have some regrets.

[BradM]

Shes probably ugly.

[Chr0makey]

Just use protection you crazy ass bitch

[Libertine]

Originally Posted by Eriic

I have always known that I did not want children even before I reached my preteens. When I was in High School there was a beautiful Mexican girl that followed me around claiming she wanted to have my children, I did not give it to her, but I have some regrets.

I have always known that I did not want you to have children.

Good job on containing your genes

[BlackCrayon]

What sucks is that stupid people are breeding in large numbers while the university educated don't want kids.

[Eriic]

Originally Posted by Libertine

I have always known that I did not want you to have children.

Good job on containing your genes

I did because this planet is turning to shit and I wanted your children to inherit it, not mine

[The Heron]

Good choice, already too many people.

[Libertine]

Originally Posted by Eriic

I did because this planet is turning to shit and I wanted your children to inherit it, not mine

And if more people like you follow your example, the world my children will inherit will be a truly great one

[GrouchyAdmin]

Originally Posted by Eriic

I did because this planet is turning to shit and I wanted your children to inherit it, not mine

I might believe it if this wasn't the fifth time I caught you humping the couch.

[d-null]

Originally Posted by BlackCrayon

What sucks is that stupid people are breeding in large numbers while the university educated don't want kids.

agreed, but the university educated are smart enough not to want kids so you can't blame them

the world is fucked anyways, there is no fighting it

[Ayla_SquareTurtle]

Why does someone have to be crazy to not want kids? I can't stand kids, why would I want one?

[xmas13]

Originally Posted by Ayla_SquareTurtle

Why does someone have to be crazy to not want kids? I can't stand kids, why would I want one?

How do you believe you got here in this world?

Sterilization is surgery, it's not just about having no children. Being a woman is not a physical handicap.

It's no secret many Western women hate themselves and try to imitate men.

[xmas13]

At age 21, girls are unstable, and instead of hurting others (like boys do), they are more likely to express their instability by hurting themselves. Anorexia, self-mutilation...

[GrouchyAdmin]

Originally Posted by xmas13

At age 12, girls are unstable, and instead of hurting others (like boys do), they are more likely to express their instability by hurting themselves. Anorexia, self-mutilation...

Fixed for accuracy.

[Ayla_SquareTurtle]

Originally Posted by xmas13

How do you believe you got here in this world?

Sterilization is surgery, it's not just about having no children. Being a woman is not a physical handicap.

It's no secret many Western women hate themselves and try to imitate men.

I know how I got here, but that really has no relationship to my OWN desire to not have children. And sure, women all over the world hate themselves, but I'm not choosing to not have kids out of self hatred, but because I simply do not have a desire to have kids, and never have. It's really pretty simple.

[xmas13]

Originally Posted by Ayla_SquareTurtle

I know how I got here, but that really has no relationship to my OWN desire to not have children. And sure, women all over the world hate themselves, but I'm not choosing to not have kids out of self hatred, but because I simply do not have a desire to have kids, and never have. It's really pretty simple.

I'm talking about this type of surgery for young women.

So many older women rushed to the website to say "great" and congratulate the writer for the article, I think it's sending the wrong message.

If you want to launch a debate on demographics, I'm curious, where do you think the money for your "retirement" will come from?

[Ayla_SquareTurtle]

Originally Posted by xmas13

If you want to launch a debate on demographics

I don't.

[xmas13]

I don't have a problem with less desire for children but people will have to take care of themselves later on, and not tax the hell out of workers/companies, and import Indians and Chinese to help their sorry asses. It's like those women who want children but expect men to pay for it. No thanks.

[d-null]

so many people have kids without logical thought

they give up so many freedoms

women will find it so much harder to stay lean, their hormonal balances change and it will become a lifelong struggle to keep fat off

it is a choice that often results in financial hardships for decades


It seems to me the choice to not have kids is the only one that makes sense....

I think most that do have kids often do it by mistake or by some emotional feeling and not based on reasoning and logic

[Eriic]

Originally Posted by GrouchyAdmin

I might believe it if this wasn't the fifth time I caught you humping the couch.

I will not worry about it until you realize that I have been nailing all your girlfriends and your mother and your wife and when your daughter is a bit older I will be tearing her ass up too.

[xmas13]

Originally Posted by d-null

I think most that do have kids often do it by mistake or by some emotional feeling and not based on reasoning and logic

Women have children because men fuck women, how do you think you got here? God?

[JamesK]

It's their choice. I think no children is better than unwanted children. I have to agree it's a bit stupid though, she's too young to decide she doesn't want children.

[d-null]

Originally Posted by xmas13

Women have children because men fuck women, how do you think you got here? God?

stating the obvious

humans pride themselves as being reasoning creatures though, so our brains give us a choice, very often youthful irresponsibility results in pregnancies, or lack of reasoning, but those that are more educated tend to make more choices based on reasoning and have a greater chance of not having children due to those logical choices

[Eriic]

I applaud any women who don't want to bare children of you fucking losers.

I think if a person does not want children that is their choice. To many people have children that do not want them. I know here in AZ they will not do that procedure until you are in your thirties.

[collegeboobies]

weird article for gfy

[Video Rob]

More power to her. I don't know why people find this so shocking. Some people just don't feel the need to reproduce.

Everyone i've ever met who are over 30 and have never had children have always been really happy people.

[bhutocracy]

I think it's a bit sad when people give up the only undeniably true reason we exist.
Especially when it seems to somewhat be out of selfishness, ie a single child that wants to see the world and have an awesome job, but everyone has their thing, it's obvious it's not just that and it's hardwired into her, so it 110% a good thing that she is never going to have to care for a child she can't even hug properly and of course she's doing the job that many more should be doing regarding population control. But yeah. Still a little sad... at least coming from the perspective of someone who wouldn't mind kids at all (after i've finished being selfish, seeing the world and having an awesome job ;))

[bhutocracy]

Originally Posted by Video Rob

Everyone i've ever met who are over 30 and have never had children have always been really happy people.

Until they're 70 and don't have anyone in the world.

[d-null]

Originally Posted by bhutocracy

Until they're 70 and don't have anyone in the world.

that is cliche nonsense

I bet that at 70 most of us would be happy to not be bothered by anyone and we will be content to play with the technology that will be around us by then

[xmas13]

The article is about surgery for young women, not desire for children. Socialists are such pathological liars, manipulative in nature.

[Lord Aga]

Shes a dyke!

[bhutocracy]

Originally Posted by d-null

that is cliche nonsense

I bet that at 70 most of us would be happy to not be bothered by anyone and we will be content to play with the technology that will be around us by then

Yeah retirement homes have to keep armed guards at the entrance to keep the oldies from rushing in away from their families like an end of year sale.. Get fucked. Honestly. Loneliness is one of the single biggest issues facing the elderly aside from actually dying. It may be a "cliche" that the elderly woman will talk your ear off for half an hour at the bus stop because you're the only human contact she's had for several days.. but it's a cliche because it's fucking true. Technology? Grand Theft Auto: Florida won't come and visit to support you while you're fighting cancer. But believe whatever you want if it makes you happy.

[xmas13]

I wanna see your face when your daughter will get sterilized at age 18. You are out of your fucking mind. There is no logic/reason behind this, I mean at a very early age.

[xmas13]

I'm not a psychologist but I don't think a boy who wants to get sterilized right after high school doesn't have a troubled mind.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desexing_operation

[d-null]

Originally Posted by bhutocracy

Yeah retirement homes have to keep armed guards at the entrance to keep the oldies from rushing in away from their families like an end of year sale.. Get fucked. Honestly. Loneliness is one of the single biggest issues facing the elderly aside from actually dying. It may be a "cliche" that the elderly woman will talk your ear off for half an hour at the bus stop because you're the only human contact she's had for several days.. but it's a cliche because it's fucking true. Technology? Grand Theft Auto: Florida won't come and visit to support you while you're fighting cancer. But believe whatever you want if it makes you happy.

this is getting off the original topic of the sterilization issue, but really, times have changed, people are way more self sufficient than they ever have been in history, and it will become even more so, human interaction is at your fingertips now, when we are older we are not going to magically change into different "lonely" people, if you are happy now with no kids or other people around to bother you, then it will be the same when you are 70.... having kids to stave off loneliness is just silly anyways, the costs are way too high in what you would have to give up in your life... I don't understand how people can get lonely nowadays with all the communications we have at our fingertips and people all around if you really need face to face

by the way, when you are in a hospital fighting cancer, you really don't want any visitors anyways

[sysk]

That's what I call natural selection.

[fuzzylogic]

Originally Posted by xmas13

At age 21, girls are unstable, and instead of hurting others (like boys do), they are more likely to express their instability by hurting themselves. Anorexia, self-mutilation...

whoa! an educated and intelligent comment on gfy! omfg

but your post it's sooo true.

[fuzzylogic]

Originally Posted by Video Rob

More power to her. I don't know why people find this so shocking. Some people just don't feel the need to reproduce.

Everyone i've ever met who are over 30 and have never had children have always been really happy people.

so have i until one of those people reached 50 yrs old and told us "i believe i made a mistake." i have known this person for 30 years. this new belief in his "mistake" cost him is marriage of 25 years.

if one doesnt want children do not engage in reproductive acts.

dont sterilize oneself. thats insane. just like suicide and cosmetic surgery (when not required).
why do so many humans insist on distancing themselves from nature?

[bhutocracy]

Originally Posted by d-null

this is getting off the original topic of the sterilization issue, but really, times have changed, people are way more self sufficient than they ever have been in history, and it will become even more so, human interaction is at your fingertips now, when we are older we are not going to magically change into different "lonely" people, if you are happy now with no kids or other people around to bother you, then it will be the same when you are 70.... having kids to stave off loneliness is just silly anyways, the costs are way too high in what you would have to give up in your life... I don't understand how people can get lonely nowadays with all the communications we have at our fingertips and people all around if you really need face to face

by the way, when you are in a hospital fighting cancer, you really don't want any visitors anyways

Oh but I just couldn't bear to go into a related tangent on the resident newsbot's thread!

I don't disagree that things will be somewhat better for us socially than people born in the back of a buggy and cart because of the inter-connectedness we have today and that having kids to stave off loneliness if retarded. But not everyone is going to be satisfied with technology. In fact, you might not understand how people can get lonely but I can't understand how any amount of Myspace friends make up for family. I find it slightly telling that you don't understand how people can get lonely "these days".

Of course you don't want visitors when you're dying of cancer, who would? Of course you'd rather crawl off and die like a dog away from the home and in peace and quiet without actually having anyone to support you or give half a shit whether you make it or not. I mean you might even get posthumorously dropped from someone's Top 8 for not replying to an inane post.

I'm sure you're not that young that you haven't been at a few bedsides yourself (although making out like the process of dying of cancer is just about a family member interrupting a bought of chemo induced nausea might make me think otherwise) so you certainly are a cup half-full having motherfucker that is for sure. Congrats on being one of the few who aren't going to have a problem with it and I hope you're not in for a rude shock in ~40 years.

[d-null]

Originally Posted by bhutocracy

Oh but I just couldn't bear to go into a related tangent on the resident newsbot's thread!
.

good point, it is kind of silly to worry about stuff like that when conversation naturally flows in a direction slightly away from the op... nothing wrong with that

and on the other points, I think a person needs to build a self reliance as they go through life, relying on others, family, friends, is not the only way and you can always count on yourself more than anything else in this world... I see no shock coming in 40 years either, every day is just another day just like today