Why it's so important to check your spelling & grammar - GoFuckYourself.com

CDSmith · 10-17-2002, 12:49 PM

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences actually appeared in church
bulletins or were announced in church services,
my favorites are marked....

1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

3. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

5. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

8. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

9. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

10. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

11. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

12. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

13. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

14. During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

15. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."

16. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

17. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

18. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

19. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

20. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

21. The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

22. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

23. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

24. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

25. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM- prayer and medication to follow.

26. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

27. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

28. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. The pastor would appreciated it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

29. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

30. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

31. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

32. Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

33. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

34. Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."

Twilite · 10-17-2002, 01:28 PM

LOLOL... priceless!

Twilite

zombie · 10-17-2002, 01:32 PM

CDSmith did you used to play AW3 at all?

CDSmith · 10-17-2002, 02:39 PM

Zombie -- am I supposed to know what AW3 is?

go to ya-hell and tell me what you're talking about.
http://search.yahoo.com/search?p=%22AW3%22

and be careful about your spelling and grammar, I might mistakenly take it to mean you are being disrespectful here. Watch it.

SilverTab · 10-17-2002, 03:30 PM

Already saw a couple of'em...So funny LOL But the best was excuses that people made up for their insurance company...some were just unbelievable...! Gotta find it....

SilverTab · 10-17-2002, 03:32 PM

Here's a couple... I marked my favs too....
-----------------------
Insurance Excuses
The following quotes taken from the Toronto News on July 26, 1977, are actual statements from insurance forms where car drivers tried to summarize accident details in as few words as possible.

Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intent.

I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.

I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no sign had ever appeared before, making me unable to avoid the accident.

I told the police I was not injured, but upon removing my hair, I found that I had a fractured skull.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.

The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

I was thrown from my car as it left the road, and was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him.

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.

10-17-2002, 12:49 PM	#1
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	Why it's so important to check your spelling & grammar Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services, my favorites are marked.... 1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. 2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals." 3. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." 4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. 5. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands." 6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict. 7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. 8. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you. 9. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. 10. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. 11. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 12. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. 13. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons. 14. During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit. 15. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy." 16. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. 17. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. 18. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. 19. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. 20. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 21. The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel. 22. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. 23. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch. 24. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility. 25. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM- prayer and medication to follow. 26. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. 27. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 28. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. The pastor would appreciated it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. 29. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. 30. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. 31. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. 32. Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes. 33. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours." 34. Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High." __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

10-17-2002, 01:28 PM	#2
Twilite Registered User Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: The East Coast Posts: 39	LOLOL... priceless! Twilite __________________ Let's Shake It Up! Get Noticed The Ultimate Way To Get Traffic To Your Site!

10-17-2002, 02:39 PM	#4
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	Zombie -- am I supposed to know what AW3 is? go to ya-hell and tell me what you're talking about. http://search.yahoo.com/search?p=%22AW3%22 and be careful about your spelling and grammar, I might mistakenly take it to mean you are being disrespectful here. Watch it. __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

10-17-2002, 03:30 PM	#5
SilverTab Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: MTL Posts: 5,060	Already saw a couple of'em...So funny LOL But the best was excuses that people made up for their insurance company...some were just unbelievable...! Gotta find it.... __________________ mmm my sig was too big... no more cool animation but hey still! need php? ICQ: 94586959

10-17-2002, 03:32 PM	#6
SilverTab Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: MTL Posts: 5,060	Here's a couple... I marked my favs too.... ----------------------- Insurance Excuses The following quotes taken from the Toronto News on July 26, 1977, are actual statements from insurance forms where car drivers tried to summarize accident details in as few words as possible. Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intent. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car. I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident. My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle. As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no sign had ever appeared before, making me unable to avoid the accident. I told the police I was not injured, but upon removing my hair, I found that I had a fractured skull. I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him. I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car. The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth. I was thrown from my car as it left the road, and was later found in a ditch by some stray cows. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian. The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him. The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment. __________________ mmm my sig was too big... no more cool animation but hey still! need php? ICQ: 94586959 Last edited by SilverTab; 10-17-2002 at 03:36 PM..

10-17-2002, 01:32 PM	#3
zombie Confirmed User Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: just downtown of uptown Posts: 301	CDSmith did you used to play AW3 at all?