Chuck Norris created the 50th post
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“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.” -
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!
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There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris? hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Chuck Norris doesn?t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!
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Chuck Norris's cowboy boots are made of real cowboysPromote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!
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Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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Chuck Norris doesn?t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!
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In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!
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In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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Ooh this is a keeper...
Chuck Norris does not hunt, because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!
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When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!
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There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris hit a horse with an uppercut.Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!
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Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!
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Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!
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Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!
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Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
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The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down. He struck oil.Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!
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Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. That same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!
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There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.“If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.”Comment
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