Really Bad Analogies - GoFuckYourself.com

munki · 04-16-2008, 11:11 AM

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McBride fell twelve stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw. quid55328. com..aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:..flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man.

"

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like socks in a dryer without Cling Free.

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

"He smells bad," she thought, "As bad as Calvin Klein's Obsession would smell if it were called Enema and was made from spoiled Spamburgers instead of natural floral fragrances.

"

After having printed the book, he felt that very few would remember his participation. Like the football player who passed to the goal scorer.

The baseball player stepped out of the box and spit like a fountain statue of a Greek god that scratches itself a lot and spits brown, rusty tobacco water and refuses to sign autographs for all the little Greek kids unless they pay him lots of drachmas.

I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like geschpooklicheit or something, but I don't speak German. Anyway, it's a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don't know the name for those either.

She was as unhappy as when someone puts your cake out in the rain, and all the sweet green icing flows down and then you lose the recipe, and on top of that you can't sing worth a damn.

His fountain pen was so expensive it looked as if someone had grabbed the pope, turned him upside down and started writing with the tip of his big pointy hat.

After sending in my entries for the Style Invitational, I feel relieved and apprehensive, like a little boy who has just wet his bed.

Tom_PM · 04-16-2008, 11:22 AM

Slicker than something more slippery than snot on a doorknob.

AlienQ - BANNED FOR LIFE · 04-16-2008, 11:26 AM

I Invented Bad Analogoies.

fluffygrrl · 04-16-2008, 11:34 AM

Poetry. Absolute poetry.

Like something that's very poematic or something.

stickyfingerz · 04-16-2008, 11:45 AM

Sounds like Leslie Nielson analogies

pornguy · 04-16-2008, 12:27 PM

Saturday Night live I believe.

uno · 04-16-2008, 01:09 PM

Quote:

I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like geschpooklicheit or something, but I don't speak German. Anyway, it's a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don't know the name for those either.

Easily my favorite one. I laughed so hard i cried.

Here are some others:

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

StuartD · 04-16-2008, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by munki

I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like geschpooklicheit or something, but I don't speak German. Anyway, it's a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don't know the name for those either.

Those were all quite good but this one actually got me to chuckle.

sniperwolf · 04-16-2008, 02:19 PM

LOL! wonder how they are formed!

D · 04-16-2008, 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StuartD

Those were all quite good but this one actually got me to chuckle.

It almost read like one of those 'Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey."

Great stuff!

quantum-x · 04-16-2008, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sniperwolf

LOL! wonder how they are formed!

I had a feeling they were extracted from student essays. Could be wrong.

SykkBoy · 04-16-2008, 02:54 PM

It would actually be tough to come up with these on purpose...

they're hysterical though

Penfold · 04-17-2008, 06:40 AM

LOL, thats funny shit!!

Fap · 04-17-2008, 06:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stickyfingerz

Sounds like Leslie Nielson analogies

EY, you do not insult Lesie Lielson!

Kevsh · 04-17-2008, 07:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by munki

McBride fell twelve stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.

I must have a sick mind, but I liked this one

Holly · 04-17-2008, 07:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by quantum-x

I had a feeling they were extracted from student essays. Could be wrong.

Same thing I was thinking about several of them.

Cyndalie · 04-17-2008, 07:29 AM

I like:

He was more confused than a baby at a titty bar.

Mutt · 04-17-2008, 07:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by munki

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

haha some of these are brilliant - these are my favorites.

G-Rotica · 04-17-2008, 07:37 AM

Make like a fetus and head out.

04-16-2008, 11:11 AM	#1
munki Do Fun Shit. Industry Role: Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: OC Posts: 13,393	Really Bad Analogies She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. McBride fell twelve stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center. Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw. quid55328. com..aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:..flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man. " Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like socks in a dryer without Cling Free. The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. "He smells bad," she thought, "As bad as Calvin Klein's Obsession would smell if it were called Enema and was made from spoiled Spamburgers instead of natural floral fragrances. " After having printed the book, he felt that very few would remember his participation. Like the football player who passed to the goal scorer. The baseball player stepped out of the box and spit like a fountain statue of a Greek god that scratches itself a lot and spits brown, rusty tobacco water and refuses to sign autographs for all the little Greek kids unless they pay him lots of drachmas. I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like geschpooklicheit or something, but I don't speak German. Anyway, it's a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don't know the name for those either. She was as unhappy as when someone puts your cake out in the rain, and all the sweet green icing flows down and then you lose the recipe, and on top of that you can't sing worth a damn. His fountain pen was so expensive it looked as if someone had grabbed the pope, turned him upside down and started writing with the tip of his big pointy hat. After sending in my entries for the Style Invitational, I feel relieved and apprehensive, like a little boy who has just wet his bed. __________________ “I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.” -Oscar Wilde

04-16-2008, 11:22 AM	#2
Tom_PM Porn Meister Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 16,443	Slicker than something more slippery than snot on a doorknob. __________________ 43-922-863 Shut up and play your guitar.

04-16-2008, 11:26 AM	#3
AlienQ - BANNED FOR LIFE best designer on GFY Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: IALIEN.COM - High Definition Video and Photographic Productions -ICQ 78943384 Posts: 30,307	I Invented Bad Analogoies. __________________ NAKED HOSTING FTW!11 I'm On The INSANE PLAN $9.95/mo! \| The Alien Blog Adult News Worth Reading Updated Daily \| Content For Sale! 641 PICS 216 MINUTES OF VIDEO $350.00 \|ICQ: 78943384 \|

04-16-2008, 12:27 PM	#6
pornguy Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Homeless Posts: 62,911	Saturday Night live I believe. __________________ PornGuy skype me pornguy_epic AmateurDough The Hottes Shemales online! TChicks.com \| Angeles Cid \| Mariana Cordoba \| MAILERS WELCOME!

04-16-2008, 02:19 PM	#9
sniperwolf Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 17,743	LOL! wonder how they are formed! __________________ ~Accepting design works~

04-16-2008, 11:34 AM	#4
fluffygrrl So Fucking Banned Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 2,187	Poetry. Absolute poetry. Like something that's very poematic or something.

04-16-2008, 11:45 AM	#5
stickyfingerz Doin fine Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 24,984	Sounds like Leslie Nielson analogies

04-16-2008, 02:54 PM	#12
SykkBoy Jesus loves bacon Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Sin City, Motherfucker Posts: 19,969	It would actually be tough to come up with these on purpose... they're hysterical though __________________ Support my new movie “The Second Coming”

04-17-2008, 06:40 AM	#13
Penfold Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 122	LOL, thats funny shit!!

04-17-2008, 07:29 AM	#17
Cyndalie Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Cherry Hill, NJ Posts: 3,615	I like: He was more confused than a baby at a titty bar. __________________ Cyndalie Marketing Director StoriesTraffic.com

04-17-2008, 07:37 AM	#19
G-Rotica Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 4,258	Make like a fetus and head out. __________________