My Birthday Today: The Last Will and Testament of TheLegacy - GoFuckYourself.com

TheLegacy · 03-26-2008, 12:37 PM

When I?m 47 (64)
?A Place For My Stuff?
The Last Will and Testament of TheLegacy

So here I am turning 47 I believe which in most circles would cause a tremendous choir of ?ooohs? and ?wows? as for years many have always pegged me at looking 10 maybe 20 years younger than my actual being. I would stand beside my beautiful wife of 22 and relish that we did not look mismatched and strained such as Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall ? mind you the ?tycoon? part in my name would have eased any pain and bring solace that all the finger pointing gave. My hope is that when I turn 64 that I look like my age now 47. Yet don?t we all?

The thing about being young, or at the very least, looking young, is that you honestly think you'll live forever. And the thing about not being young is that it finally dawns on you that you won't. I stare into the bathroom mirror as my fingertip traces a fine line under my eye that I swear wasn't there yesterday, and just as sure as I know I was born, I now know that one of these days I'm going to die. Hopefully with as little drool as possible. This past few months we have even spent time working out ?wills? with little success and buying a burial plot just so that I can feel ?safe? that when I go ? no one will ever need to guess what I want or fight as to who get?s what ? the alternative is having my wife decide for me ? then I?ll know a family BBQ and ashes spread over her garden will be in order since apparently I can make great fertile soil.

It saddens me that unlike Paris Hilton, I do not have a yappy little Chihuahua (Tinkerbell) to whom I can bequeath my vast fortune. It further saddens me that unlike Paris Hilton, I do not have a vast fortune. Still, I've got stuff ... not good stuff, not giant-108inch-flat-screen-TV with surround sound, fabulous-tie-collection, secret-family-recipe, antique-emerald-tie clip stuff, but stuff just the same. So without further ado, here is my last will and testament, or as I like to call it: a place for my stuff.

I know there are many who choose to donate their bodies (from just bits to naught bits) to science, and may I just say what a noble choice that is. But I have yet to forgive science for forcing me to dissect a frog in 7th grade or learn the periodic table which to this date only seemed required knowledge for game shows - like I didn't have enough to deal with as a preteen geek in Kitchener Ontario - so in the unlikely event that she doesn't already have it at the time of my passing, I want to donate my body to Ms Angelina Jolie, because, let's face it, if she can't bring me back to life, nothing can.

I think my long-suffering wife, SheDevil, would agree that I became a much better husband right around the time she repeatedly began asking if I'd seen "Monster". (I digress) But as I look over my first child Mackenzie?s full diaper changing ever morning ? noon - night of the average 4,182 stinky diapers to date, I realize it'll take more than a Pampers gift certificate at Christmas and Cheerio?s to secure a permanent place in her heart.

So, Mackenzie, I offer you all the office supplies you feel you need to get your hands on every morning (including but not limited to stapler, tape dispenser, Post-it notes, computer mouse, coffee coaster, telephone) you can get your hands on before somebody points out that they belong to your mom.

I remind my dearest wife and friend, of our Feb 08 Winter Blizzard pact when we were stuck in the house not able to drive out: If ever I end up in some kind of irreversible coma, I fully expect you to come by every few weeks and pluck any unsightly facial hair that might spring up. I'll be surrounded by cute nurses, so for God's sake, throw a little cologne on me, and by all means, help yourself to my Pink Floyd, Styx, Elton John and Partridge Family albums.

I would like to leave SheDevil Warren (the mother of my children, the light of my life, the low-fat vanilla yogurt of my blueberry parfait) the freedom to remarry after I'm gone. I'd like to do that, but technically, my darling, the Geneva Convention of 1949 won?t allow it. A minor detail really that even the other German?s couldn?t avoid. But you go right ahead and let him buy that ring, rent that tuxedo, and introduce your new guy to your brand new in-laws. I have but one request: Do not under any circumstance have sex with this man. Or if you must, let it be with the understanding that I will poltergeist you to a degree that makes "The Amityville Horror" look like "The Sound of Music."

Last but never ever least, I leave my lovely and amazing daughter, Mackenzie Warren, and the most beautiful new baby on earth due in June of this year, (whatever your new name is), the comfort of shared experience and unwavering friendship, because honestly, that's just about the only defense against the world's darkness that I know of.

So, Mackenzie, you get the new baby ?whatever their name is?, and ? ?whatever your name is?, you get Mackenzie, and as long as I'm on a giving streak, you guys both get one of my favorite quotes and consider taking Christopher Robin's word for it just the way that Pooh did: "You must remember this: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

And, if you'll permit me one final piece of advice: See if there's any way you can make friends with Paris Hilton?s Chihuahua (Tinkerbell)

Finally:

Here now is a tune that I submit to my wife SheDevil as a living will - hoping that if she agrees - that the remainder of you who respond and post will now be legally responsible to ensure that not only does she fulfill it but also can under court order ? be subpoenaed to testify that these were my final wishes.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=mJ8kMbMpQbo

When I'm Sixty Four (64)
~ The Beatles

When I get older losing my hair,
Many years from now.
Will you still be sending me a valentine
Birthday greetings bottle of wine.

If I'd been out till quarter to three
Would you lock the door,
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I'm sixty-four.

You'll be older too,
And if you say the word,
I could stay with you.

I could be handy, mending a fuse
When your lights have gone.
You can knit a sweater by the fireside
Sunday mornings go for a ride.

Doing the garden, digging the weeds,
Who could ask for more.
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I'm sixty-four.

Every summer we can rent a cottage,
In the Isle of Wight, if it's not too dear
We shall scrimp and save
Grandchildren on your knee
Vera, Chuck & Dave

Send me a postcard, drop me a line,
Stating point of view
Indicate precisely what you mean to say
Yours sincerely, wasting away

Give me your answer, fill in a form
Mine for evermore
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I'm sixty-four.

sweetums · 03-26-2008, 12:40 PM

Happy, happy birthday, TL!!! That gave me a good giggle

u-Bob · 03-26-2008, 12:43 PM

happy bday

tony286 · 03-26-2008, 12:48 PM

happy bday

AsianDivaGirlsWebDude · 03-26-2008, 12:55 PM

Happy Birthday...

ADG

SlickRick · 03-26-2008, 12:55 PM

Happy B-Day sir. May there be many more joyful life experiences.

Isradude · 03-26-2008, 12:58 PM

happy birthday

Czech · 03-26-2008, 01:03 PM

Happy Birthday mate

angeleyes · 03-26-2008, 01:15 PM

Have a wonderful birthday young man ;)

RuthB · 03-26-2008, 01:27 PM

hahaha hope you have a wonderful birthday Robert, and MANY MORE!!!

And CONGRATS on the impending arrival!!!

Ice · 03-26-2008, 01:33 PM

Happy Birthday buddy

KILL_FRENZY · 03-26-2008, 02:12 PM

Happy Birthday

sniperwolf · 03-26-2008, 03:06 PM

Happy Birthday!

*sigh* that was too long to read...
missed some...

JFK · 03-26-2008, 03:34 PM

all the best man

VeriSexy · 03-26-2008, 03:42 PM

Happy birthday man!

chelo - adultcopywriters · 03-26-2008, 08:44 PM

Wow, that's just too many words on one single post.

Happy Birthday buddy!

MediaGuy · 03-27-2008, 08:36 AM

Hahahah excellent - and Hahahappy birthday, young man! ;)

"Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul."

-Sam Ullman

Mister E · 03-27-2008, 08:44 AM

All the best bro

03-26-2008, 12:37 PM	#1
TheLegacy SEO Connoisseur Industry Role: Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Brantford, Ontario Posts: 17,098	My Birthday Today: The Last Will and Testament of TheLegacy When I?m 47 (64) ?A Place For My Stuff? The Last Will and Testament of TheLegacy So here I am turning 47 I believe which in most circles would cause a tremendous choir of ?ooohs? and ?wows? as for years many have always pegged me at looking 10 maybe 20 years younger than my actual being. I would stand beside my beautiful wife of 22 and relish that we did not look mismatched and strained such as Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall ? mind you the ?tycoon? part in my name would have eased any pain and bring solace that all the finger pointing gave. My hope is that when I turn 64 that I look like my age now 47. Yet don?t we all? The thing about being young, or at the very least, looking young, is that you honestly think you'll live forever. And the thing about not being young is that it finally dawns on you that you won't. I stare into the bathroom mirror as my fingertip traces a fine line under my eye that I swear wasn't there yesterday, and just as sure as I know I was born, I now know that one of these days I'm going to die. Hopefully with as little drool as possible. This past few months we have even spent time working out ?wills? with little success and buying a burial plot just so that I can feel ?safe? that when I go ? no one will ever need to guess what I want or fight as to who get?s what ? the alternative is having my wife decide for me ? then I?ll know a family BBQ and ashes spread over her garden will be in order since apparently I can make great fertile soil. It saddens me that unlike Paris Hilton, I do not have a yappy little Chihuahua (Tinkerbell) to whom I can bequeath my vast fortune. It further saddens me that unlike Paris Hilton, I do not have a vast fortune. Still, I've got stuff ... not good stuff, not giant-108inch-flat-screen-TV with surround sound, fabulous-tie-collection, secret-family-recipe, antique-emerald-tie clip stuff, but stuff just the same. So without further ado, here is my last will and testament, or as I like to call it: a place for my stuff. I know there are many who choose to donate their bodies (from just bits to naught bits) to science, and may I just say what a noble choice that is. But I have yet to forgive science for forcing me to dissect a frog in 7th grade or learn the periodic table which to this date only seemed required knowledge for game shows - like I didn't have enough to deal with as a preteen geek in Kitchener Ontario - so in the unlikely event that she doesn't already have it at the time of my passing, I want to donate my body to Ms Angelina Jolie, because, let's face it, if she can't bring me back to life, nothing can. I think my long-suffering wife, SheDevil, would agree that I became a much better husband right around the time she repeatedly began asking if I'd seen "Monster". (I digress) But as I look over my first child Mackenzie?s full diaper changing ever morning ? noon - night of the average 4,182 stinky diapers to date, I realize it'll take more than a Pampers gift certificate at Christmas and Cheerio?s to secure a permanent place in her heart. So, Mackenzie, I offer you all the office supplies you feel you need to get your hands on every morning (including but not limited to stapler, tape dispenser, Post-it notes, computer mouse, coffee coaster, telephone) you can get your hands on before somebody points out that they belong to your mom. I remind my dearest wife and friend, of our Feb 08 Winter Blizzard pact when we were stuck in the house not able to drive out: If ever I end up in some kind of irreversible coma, I fully expect you to come by every few weeks and pluck any unsightly facial hair that might spring up. I'll be surrounded by cute nurses, so for God's sake, throw a little cologne on me, and by all means, help yourself to my Pink Floyd, Styx, Elton John and Partridge Family albums. I would like to leave SheDevil Warren (the mother of my children, the light of my life, the low-fat vanilla yogurt of my blueberry parfait) the freedom to remarry after I'm gone. I'd like to do that, but technically, my darling, the Geneva Convention of 1949 won?t allow it. A minor detail really that even the other German?s couldn?t avoid. But you go right ahead and let him buy that ring, rent that tuxedo, and introduce your new guy to your brand new in-laws. I have but one request: Do not under any circumstance have sex with this man. Or if you must, let it be with the understanding that I will poltergeist you to a degree that makes "The Amityville Horror" look like "The Sound of Music." Last but never ever least, I leave my lovely and amazing daughter, Mackenzie Warren, and the most beautiful new baby on earth due in June of this year, (whatever your new name is), the comfort of shared experience and unwavering friendship, because honestly, that's just about the only defense against the world's darkness that I know of. So, Mackenzie, you get the new baby ?whatever their name is?, and ? ?whatever your name is?, you get Mackenzie, and as long as I'm on a giving streak, you guys both get one of my favorite quotes and consider taking Christopher Robin's word for it just the way that Pooh did: "You must remember this: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." And, if you'll permit me one final piece of advice: See if there's any way you can make friends with Paris Hilton?s Chihuahua (Tinkerbell) Finally: Here now is a tune that I submit to my wife SheDevil as a living will - hoping that if she agrees - that the remainder of you who respond and post will now be legally responsible to ensure that not only does she fulfill it but also can under court order ? be subpoenaed to testify that these were my final wishes. https://youtube.com/watch?v=mJ8kMbMpQbo When I'm Sixty Four (64) ~ The Beatles When I get older losing my hair, Many years from now. Will you still be sending me a valentine Birthday greetings bottle of wine. If I'd been out till quarter to three Would you lock the door, Will you still need me, will you still feed me, When I'm sixty-four. You'll be older too, And if you say the word, I could stay with you. I could be handy, mending a fuse When your lights have gone. You can knit a sweater by the fireside Sunday mornings go for a ride. Doing the garden, digging the weeds, Who could ask for more. Will you still need me, will you still feed me, When I'm sixty-four. Every summer we can rent a cottage, In the Isle of Wight, if it's not too dear We shall scrimp and save Grandchildren on your knee Vera, Chuck & Dave Send me a postcard, drop me a line, Stating point of view Indicate precisely what you mean to say Yours sincerely, wasting away Give me your answer, fill in a form Mine for evermore Will you still need me, will you still feed me, When I'm sixty-four. __________________ SEO Connoisseur Microsoft Teams: Robert Warren SEO Telegram: @TheLegacy54 RobertWarrenSEO.com

03-26-2008, 12:40 PM	#2
sweetums Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Icy Hellish Tundra Posts: 2,534	Happy, happy birthday, TL!!! That gave me a good giggle __________________ ICQ: 114549321

03-26-2008, 12:55 PM	#5
AsianDivaGirlsWebDude Purveyor, Fine Asian Porn Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: San Francisco Bay Area Posts: 38,323	Happy Birthday... ADG __________________ Asian Diva Girls - Exclusive Photos and Videos Asian Diva Girls Affiliate Program (50% ccBill Revshare)

03-26-2008, 12:58 PM	#7
Isradude Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Toronto Posts: 1,842	happy birthday __________________ Amit "Isradude" ICQ - 395509039

03-26-2008, 01:15 PM	#9
angeleyes Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Wandering around FL using random Wireless Connections Posts: 3,584	Have a wonderful birthday young man ;) __________________ Need a Writer? Contact Me. I write quality descriptions, short erotic stories, quality one-liners.. whatever you need.

03-26-2008, 12:43 PM	#3
u-Bob there's no $$$ in porn Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: icq: 195./568.-230 (btw: not getting offline msgs) Posts: 33,063	happy bday

03-26-2008, 12:48 PM	#4
tony286 lurker Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: atlanta Posts: 57,021	happy bday

03-26-2008, 12:55 PM	#6
SlickRick Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Kingman AZ Posts: 2,849	Happy B-Day sir. May there be many more joyful life experiences.

03-26-2008, 01:03 PM	#8
Czech Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 2,694	Happy Birthday mate

03-26-2008, 01:27 PM	#10
RuthB Let's Get Paxumized! Industry Role: Join Date: May 2005 Location: Vancouver, Canada Posts: 7,247	hahaha hope you have a wonderful birthday Robert, and MANY MORE!!! And CONGRATS on the impending arrival!!! __________________ Send & Receive Mass Global Payments - Mass P2P/Wire/EFT/SEPA - Adult Industry Friendly - Award Winning Payment Service - Fast, Reliable & Secure! Paxum ...... Paxum Bank Email: [email protected] ~ Telegram: PaxumRuth

03-26-2008, 01:33 PM	#11
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03-26-2008, 02:12 PM	#12
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03-26-2008, 03:06 PM	#13
sniperwolf Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 17,743	Happy Birthday! sigh that was too long to read... missed some... __________________ ~Accepting design works~

03-26-2008, 03:34 PM	#14
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03-26-2008, 03:42 PM	#15
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03-26-2008, 08:44 PM	#16
chelo - adultcopywriters Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Montevideo Posts: 775	Wow, that's just too many words on one single post. Happy Birthday buddy! Last edited by chelo - adultcopywriters; 03-26-2008 at 08:45 PM..

03-27-2008, 08:36 AM	#17
MediaGuy Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Montrealquebecanada Posts: 5,500	Hahahah excellent - and Hahahappy birthday, young man! ;) "Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul." -Sam Ullman __________________ YOU Are Industry News! Press Releases: pr[at]payoutmag.com Facebook: Payout Magazine! Facebook: MIKEB! ICQ: 248843947 Skype: Mediaguy1

03-27-2008, 08:44 AM	#18
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