Farting in Bed. Let this be a warning......... - GoFuckYourself.com

loco12 · 03-19-2008, 10:20 AM

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.

The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.

He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.

She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to blast them out.

Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes.

After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened! But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

Persius · 03-19-2008, 10:33 AM

too long of a story just for a fart!

I am chauncy · 03-19-2008, 10:36 AM

25 March 1993)
A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man killed by his own gas. There were no marks found on his body, but an autopsy revealed the presence of large amounts of methane dissolved in his blood.

Full Story Here

payd2purv · 03-19-2008, 12:51 PM

BAHAHAHA!

I've never heard that one before.

Awesome ending!

Satan · 03-19-2008, 12:54 PM

heard it before still funny :_)

nico-t · 03-19-2008, 12:57 PM

hm... pretty lame and far fetched joke.

Spunky · 03-19-2008, 01:19 PM

Heh heh..not bad at all

tranza · 03-19-2008, 01:25 PM

Lol, funny one...

SykkBoy · 03-19-2008, 01:43 PM

heard it before, but with "a plunger handle" rather than "two fingers"...

2012 · 03-19-2008, 01:59 PM

happy thanksgiving !

VeriSexy · 03-19-2008, 06:07 PM

oldie but a goodie

JFK · 03-19-2008, 07:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VeriSexy

oldie but a goodie

yeah still funny

Fap · 03-19-2008, 07:28 PM

hahahha never heard it either

shekinah · 03-19-2008, 09:24 PM

long read..but that's good!

miss_jody · 03-19-2008, 09:33 PM

LMAO - so funny!!

Cash · 03-20-2008, 11:43 PM

Sick joke ...

Jens Van Assterdam · 03-20-2008, 11:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Persius

too long of a story just for a fart!

what he said

03-19-2008, 10:20 AM	#1
loco12 Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dorset, UK Posts: 638	Farting in Bed. Let this be a warning......... This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to blast them out. Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes. After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened! But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

03-19-2008, 10:36 AM	#3
I am chauncy Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 568	25 March 1993) A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man killed by his own gas. There were no marks found on his body, but an autopsy revealed the presence of large amounts of methane dissolved in his blood. Full Story Here __________________ "Catch a man a fish, and you can sell it to him. Teach a man to fish, and you ruin a wonderful business opportunity." Karl Marx Affiliate Program Cash Beta v0.9

03-19-2008, 12:54 PM	#5
Satan Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Hell Posts: 1,626	heard it before still funny :_) __________________ WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?

03-19-2008, 01:19 PM	#7
Spunky I need a beer Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: ♠ Toiletville ♠ Posts: 133,944	Heh heh..not bad at all __________________ *YOUR INFORMATION HERE*

03-19-2008, 01:25 PM	#8
tranza ICQ: 197-556-237 Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: BRASIL !!! Posts: 57,559	Lol, funny one... __________________ I'm just a newbie.

03-19-2008, 10:33 AM	#2
Persius Tap into MOBILE! Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Hollywood Posts: 11,779	too long of a story just for a fart!

03-19-2008, 12:51 PM	#4
payd2purv Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Toronto Posts: 2,727	BAHAHAHA! I've never heard that one before. Awesome ending!

03-19-2008, 12:57 PM	#6
nico-t emperor of my world Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: nethalands Posts: 29,903	hm... pretty lame and far fetched joke.

03-19-2008, 01:43 PM	#9
SykkBoy Jesus loves bacon Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Sin City, Motherfucker Posts: 19,969	heard it before, but with "a plunger handle" rather than "two fingers"... __________________ Support my new movie “The Second Coming”

03-19-2008, 01:59 PM	#10
2012 So Fucking What Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 17,189	happy thanksgiving ! __________________ best host: Webair \| best sponsor: Kink \| best coder: 688218966 \| Go Fuck Yourself

03-19-2008, 06:07 PM	#11
VeriSexy Join The Royal Family Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 25,463	oldie but a goodie __________________ Looking for a KICK ASS TEEN SPONSOR? Check out ROYAL CASH - THE KING OF TEEN! Incredible webmaster tools FHGs, Morphing Blog and RSS Feeds, Embedded FLV & WMV Videos. With TOP RATIO Sites like TeenStarsOnly.com - Earn $$ with our New Site & Bonus Payouts!! ATMovs.com \| iTeenVideo.com \| TeenSexMovs.com \| TeenSexMania.com

03-19-2008, 07:28 PM	#13
Fap Just Du It Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 12,094	hahahha never heard it either

03-19-2008, 09:24 PM	#14
shekinah Confirmed User Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 8,452	long read..but that's good! __________________ [Web Design \| Development \| Programming \| Content Writing ] ICQ: 238-890-469

03-19-2008, 09:33 PM	#15
miss_jody Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 807	LMAO - so funny!!

03-20-2008, 11:43 PM	#16
Cash Click on my TCG signature Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 20,825	Sick joke ... __________________ $9.95/month for 15000 GB bandwidth monthly, unlimited (sub)domains and MySQL5, PHP4/5, 500 GB disk storage! ; use any of these invitation codes: 216263692101; 408636009193; 846090586647; my ICQ 30160426!