Dear Internet Porn, - GoFuckYourself.com

Makingcoin · 01-23-2008, 04:38 PM

Dear Internet Porn,

These last ten years have been quite a trip, have they not? My letter to you now, however, is not one of celebration... I don't feel like we are the same anymore. We just don't have that passion we used to.

When we first met I was a loser, and you were there for me. My parents told me that you were no good for me, but I didn't listen. You showed me that there were plenty of people like myself getting laid. It was beautiful and passionate. Your softcore erotic videos were a tasteful introduction to my budding sexuality.

As I got older I started seeing girls on the side. I knew you were jealous, but you have always held a special place in my heart. You became naughtier and it affected my relationships. I started wanting all the things I had seen you do. I wanted to be just like you. I wanted to cover my girlfriend's face, put it up her ass, choke her.

But that's when I realized your dark secret, Internet Porn. You aren't real: you are a fake and shallow individual. No girl wants a load on her face! Anal sex hurts and humiliates, and choking only leads to bruises that friends and loved ones ask about. You lied to me and changed my sexual expectations. Now no girl can please me.

I know it isn't all bad. You've taught me so much. I can surf the internet with either hand and I know all the keyboard shortcuts for my browser. I know positions that aren't even in the Kamasutra. But you have such a dark side. I've been late for work more than once and I find myself wanting to jerkoff at six in the morning. That's what you've done to me.

Even now, on the eve of Christ's birth, I sit hunched over my computer, penis in hand. I had to turn the nativity scene around so that Jesus wouldn't see your filth. Try as I might, I can never hide you well enough either. It is harder to find you squirreled away on my hard drive than it is to get into my online bank account. Yet there is always lingering evidence. I've told you time and again to stop leaving your things at my place. But you ALWAYS forget something: a shortcut here, an unclear history there.

There's no acceptance when you are discovered either. It might have been ok when we started - just innocent flirting with softcore. But now my girlfriends discover my asphyxiation collection, or that one goat video. I hate that you always invite your shadiest friends over when you come.

So I have one request. I know I can't get rid of you... you are the psychopathic stalker to my teenage horror film. But if you won't leave me alone, can you at least do me one favor? If I ever die, can you please format my hard drive? All of them? If you can't do that, just burn my place down. My family can never know of my shame.

- Your shamed lover

Found this on CL.

st0ned · 01-23-2008, 04:38 PM

Yeah I saw that a while back, printed it out and stuck it on the bulletin board.

Rochard · 01-23-2008, 06:29 PM

That's seriously funny!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Makingcoin

No girl wants a load on her face!

Not sure where that come from!

AaronM · 01-23-2008, 06:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by st0ned

Yeah I saw that a while back, printed it out and stuck it on the bulletin board.

Awhile back?

As in last week when this was posted here?

qxm · 01-23-2008, 06:37 PM

holly shit that sounds like a hentai story where the girls are innocent and don't want a load on their faces.........anyways it's pretty funny.....

DirtyDanza · 01-24-2008, 02:13 PM

hahahah thats fucking funny....

D Ghost · 01-24-2008, 02:24 PM

that is awesome.

ronaldo · 01-24-2008, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Makingcoin

Found this on CL.

Translation-I'm the author.

Drake · 01-24-2008, 02:58 PM

lol funny stuff

sniperwolf · 01-24-2008, 03:20 PM

LOL!

quite long to read but nice!

pinsv · 01-24-2008, 03:23 PM

dear porn ? who wrote this must be badly fucked up

markyman · 01-24-2008, 03:59 PM

haha old but good, crazy people

O MARINA · 01-24-2008, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Makingcoin

Found this on CL.

how boring would life be without craigslist

01-23-2008, 04:38 PM	#1
Makingcoin Confirmed User Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: The Ditch Posts: 8,919	Dear Internet Porn, Dear Internet Porn, These last ten years have been quite a trip, have they not? My letter to you now, however, is not one of celebration... I don't feel like we are the same anymore. We just don't have that passion we used to. When we first met I was a loser, and you were there for me. My parents told me that you were no good for me, but I didn't listen. You showed me that there were plenty of people like myself getting laid. It was beautiful and passionate. Your softcore erotic videos were a tasteful introduction to my budding sexuality. As I got older I started seeing girls on the side. I knew you were jealous, but you have always held a special place in my heart. You became naughtier and it affected my relationships. I started wanting all the things I had seen you do. I wanted to be just like you. I wanted to cover my girlfriend's face, put it up her ass, choke her. But that's when I realized your dark secret, Internet Porn. You aren't real: you are a fake and shallow individual. No girl wants a load on her face! Anal sex hurts and humiliates, and choking only leads to bruises that friends and loved ones ask about. You lied to me and changed my sexual expectations. Now no girl can please me. I know it isn't all bad. You've taught me so much. I can surf the internet with either hand and I know all the keyboard shortcuts for my browser. I know positions that aren't even in the Kamasutra. But you have such a dark side. I've been late for work more than once and I find myself wanting to jerkoff at six in the morning. That's what you've done to me. Even now, on the eve of Christ's birth, I sit hunched over my computer, penis in hand. I had to turn the nativity scene around so that Jesus wouldn't see your filth. Try as I might, I can never hide you well enough either. It is harder to find you squirreled away on my hard drive than it is to get into my online bank account. Yet there is always lingering evidence. I've told you time and again to stop leaving your things at my place. But you ALWAYS forget something: a shortcut here, an unclear history there. There's no acceptance when you are discovered either. It might have been ok when we started - just innocent flirting with softcore. But now my girlfriends discover my asphyxiation collection, or that one goat video. I hate that you always invite your shadiest friends over when you come. So I have one request. I know I can't get rid of you... you are the psychopathic stalker to my teenage horror film. But if you won't leave me alone, can you at least do me one favor? If I ever die, can you please format my hard drive? All of them? If you can't do that, just burn my place down. My family can never know of my shame. - Your shamed lover Found this on CL. __________________ www.MAKINGCOIN.com icq. 166-662-831 "Start making large coin!" Daddy I Get Paid To Be A Whore - Coming Soon

01-23-2008, 04:38 PM	#2
st0ned Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Arizona Posts: 8,437	Yeah I saw that a while back, printed it out and stuck it on the bulletin board. __________________ Conversion Sharks - 1,000+ adult dating offers, traffic management, and consistently high payouts. We will guarantee and beat your current EPC to win your dating traffic! Skype: ConversionSharks \|\| Email: info /@/ conversionsharks.com

01-23-2008, 06:37 PM	#5
qxm Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: NoHo Posts: 5,970	holly shit that sounds like a hentai story where the girls are innocent and don't want a load on their faces.........anyways it's pretty funny..... __________________ ICQ: 266990876

01-24-2008, 02:13 PM	#6
DirtyDanza Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: BP4L.... Las Vegas, Posts: 8,370	hahahah thats fucking funny.... __________________ AVN Nominated Camming Couple

01-24-2008, 03:20 PM	#10
sniperwolf Too lazy to set a custom title Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 17,743	LOL! quite long to read but nice! __________________ ~Accepting design works~

01-24-2008, 02:24 PM	#7
D Ghost null Industry Role: Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 9,820	that is awesome.

01-24-2008, 02:58 PM	#9
Drake Hello world! Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 12,508	lol funny stuff

01-24-2008, 03:23 PM	#11
pinsv Registered User Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 94	dear porn ? who wrote this must be badly fucked up __________________ . IF YOU ARE A WEBMASTER CLICK ON THE ABOVE BANNER. THANKYOU. .

01-24-2008, 03:59 PM	#12
markyman Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Southern USA Posts: 822	haha old but good, crazy people __________________ Markyman