So I am just trying to show to someone how to write a porn description - check it out - GoFuckYourself.com - Adult Webmaster Forum

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CarlosTheGaucho

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#1

So I am just trying to show to someone how to write a porn description - check it out

04-03-2008, 07:30 AM

Now here is my sample description - tell me what do you think:

Now this is some of the nastiest and wildest debauchery that ever happened in house, well we all are glad to meet new friends that we can fuck and these three couples sure DIDN't knew each before. Well a couple of shots in our club turns young and horny people in fuckbuddies easily.

Now what turned up was a MASSIVE orgy, all the cocks got sucked, all the girls got rammed and all of that wrapped up with the good old belly cumshot contest.

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CaptainHowdy

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#2

04-03-2008, 08:34 AM

I find the word "debauchery" way too flamboyant for a porn review... heh.

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baddog

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#3

04-03-2008, 08:36 AM

You are ESL, right?
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CarlosTheGaucho

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#4

04-03-2008, 08:42 AM

Originally posted by CaptainHowdy

I find the word "debauchery" way too flamboyant for a porn review... heh.

Yeah I wondered, let me try to come up with something different.

On the other hand I guess the perception that all porn viewers are total dummies ain't right too, what I always found as a total turn off were the texts in the pornmags, but seems like someone likes it kinky.

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viki

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#5

04-03-2008, 08:45 AM

Honestly, that's pretty bad. Sentences are too long, wrong tenses, and it's really hard to follow. Here's my quick re-write of it:

Now this is some wild and nasty debauchery! These three couples didn't know each other before but things sped up quickly. After a few rounds of shots at the club, this young and horny group got intimate.

In the blink of an eye, drinking and dancing turned into a MASSIVE orgy. Cocks got sucked, chicks got rammed, and cum was flying from navel to face.

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baddog

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#6

04-03-2008, 08:45 AM

Originally posted by CarlosTheGaucho

On the other hand I guess the perception that all porn viewers are total dummies ain't right too, what I always found as a total turn off were the texts in the pornmags, but seems like someone likes it kinky.

That is why you should use a grammar check. Your description was pretty horrific from an English standpoint.
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#7

04-03-2008, 08:46 AM

Originally posted by CarlosTheGaucho

Now here is my sample description - tell me what do you think:

Now this is some of the nastiest and wildest debauchery that ever happened in house, well we all are glad to meet new friends that we can fuck and these three couples sure DIDN't know each before. Well a couple of shots in our club turns young and horny people into fuckbuddies easily.

Now what turned up was a MASSIVE orgy, all the cocks got sucked, all the girls got rammed and all of that wrapped up with the good old belly cumshot contest.

................................
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Lycanthrope

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#8

04-03-2008, 08:49 AM

The reading of that literary atrocity made my head hurt.
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CarlosTheGaucho

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#9

04-03-2008, 09:13 AM

Originally posted by viki

Honestly, that's pretty bad. Sentences are too long, wrong tenses, and it's really hard to follow. Here's my quick re-write of it:

Now this is some wild and nasty debauchery! These three couples didn't know each other before but things sped up quickly. After a few rounds of shots at the club, this young and horny group got intimate.

In the blink of an eye, drinking and dancing turned into a MASSIVE orgy. Cocks got sucked, chicks got rammed, and cum was flying from navel to face.

Cool, thanks!

It's true that I find it way easier to write the "official" stuff, it's all about the collocations I suppose.

You can always find foreign people, even if they would be gramatically perfect, they don't have sense for the "right" spoken language to use for the exact situation, so in many times it sure sounds ridiculous or gets a bit different between the lines meaning.

It sure takes a lot of time to get that feeling.

Last edited by CarlosTheGaucho; 04-03-2008, 09:15 AM. Reason: ..

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moeloubani

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#10

04-03-2008, 03:39 PM

Here is what I would have wrote if I had written it:

What you are about to see here is some of the nastiest and kinkiest shit that has ever happened in our house. You know how we are always meeting new friends to fuck, well this time we met up with three couples who had never seen each other before. Soon everyone was buried so deep in each other that you could swear they'd all been fuck buddies for life.

What started as a meeting between a few curious couples quickly turned into a MASSIVE orgy; cocks being sucked, pussies being fucked and moans of satisfaction coming from everywhere. Before long, all the dudes couldn't take watching their wives get fucked anymore and their cocks tensed up before letting loose all over the hungrily awaiting faces of their wives.
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#11

04-03-2008, 03:52 PM

Originally posted by CarlosTheGaucho

all the cocks got sucked
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Trixie

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#12

04-03-2008, 04:08 PM

When are you going to get around to writing the part about the wives going shopping and the boys-only circle jerk commencing? Major oversight!

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CarlosTheGaucho

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#13

04-03-2008, 04:13 PM

In fact it's a real story, we got them drunk and then shot them having a wild sixsome.. I suppose to persuade and intensively remind the surfer it's real is a very important point..

Last edited by CarlosTheGaucho; 04-03-2008, 04:14 PM. Reason: ..

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AlienQ - BANNED FOR LIFE

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#14

04-03-2008, 04:23 PM

Originally posted by CarlosTheGaucho

Now here is my sample description - tell me what do you think:

Now this is some of the nastiest and wildest debauchery that ever happened in house, well we all are glad to meet new friends that we can fuck and these three couples sure DIDN't knew each before. Well a couple of shots in our club turns young and horny people in fuckbuddies easily.

Now what turned up was a MASSIVE orgy, all the cocks got sucked, all the girls got rammed and all of that wrapped up with the good old belly cumshot contest.

"Now this is some of the nastiest and wildest debauchery that ever happened in house, well we all are glad to meet new friends that we can fuck and these three couples sure DIDN't knew each before."

Is a run on sentence.

Fix with...

"Now this is some of the nastiest and wildest debauchery that has ever happened in house! We all are glad to meet new friends that we can fuck! These three couples did not know each other! Until, a couple of shots in our club that is. These shots turn young and horny people into fuck buddies easily."

Can Add:

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Last edited by AlienQ - BANNED FOR LIFE; 04-03-2008, 04:24 PM.

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CarlosTheGaucho

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#15

04-03-2008, 04:41 PM

Originally posted by baddog

That is why you should use a grammar check. Your description was pretty horrific from an English standpoint.

Well anything I ever write to be officially published is proofread before it goes out.

I more like meant dummies in terms of the language and style used not from the English standpoint. I kind of like the language to be ellegant and witty, not dumb, super sleazy and obvious.

I wouldn't want the descriptions on the site sound "Donny Long" style..

Last edited by CarlosTheGaucho; 04-03-2008, 04:42 PM. Reason: ...

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