Smegma

Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.....

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Love is grand; divorce is several hundred grand.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.... They should both be changed regularly -- and for the same reason.

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Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.

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I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once, the seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice - well it really chilled her mood.

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A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn-signal fluid."

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I'm so depressed... My Doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.

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My neighbor was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will. He said, "Will!? What will? I'm making a list of the people I wanna bite."

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Clinton is in the supermarket picking up some things for the new office when a stock boy accidentally bumps into him. "Pardon me," the stock boy says. "Sure,"Clinton replies, 'but it'll cost you."

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Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker, and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book ... It's called: "Ministers Do More Than Lay people"

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