Christian Jokes for the Atheists - GoFuckYourself.com

dougeetx · 11-21-2007, 02:36 PM

Fr. Monahan was having a problem with bats in his church. He had no way to get rid of them and they were causing all kinds of trouble. A concerned parishioner told him that Fr. Daniel had the same problem last year and that he should ask for advice.

Fr. Daniel was very helpful. He said, "Yes, we had several bats and it took some time to figure out how to deal with the problem. Finally I decided to baptize them and confirm them and I haven't seen them since."

================================================== =====

My fellow Catholics should get this one...

A young man saw two priests together in the store. One was a Jesuit and the other was a Franciscan. He decided to approach them for advice.

Hello Fathers. I have been praying a novena for weeks for a new Lexus. I haven't gotten one yet. Why isn't God answering my prayer?

The Franciscan replied, "What's a Lexus?"

The Jesuit replied, "What's a novena?"

================================================== ====

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to God's kids. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: "Don't."

"Don't what?" Adam asked.

"Don't eat the Forbidden Fruit." God replied.

"Forbidden fruit? We got Forbidden Fruit?

Hey, Eve..we got Forbidden Fruit!"

"No way!"

"Where?"

"Don't eat that fruit!" said God.

"Why?"

"Because I am your Creator and I said so!" said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants.

A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and was angry.

"Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the 'First Parent' asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?"

"I dunno," Eve answered.

"She started it!" Adam said.

"Did not!"

"DID so!"

"DID NOT!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own...thus the pattern was set, and it has never changed.

==================================================

After a few days with Eve, Adam, distressed, calls on God.

God, thank you for making Eve. She is soo beautiful and soft. She's wonderful, really.

Adam, I made her beautiful so that you would stay with her and love her.

Well, God, why did you make her so dumb?

Adam, I made her dumb so she would stay with you!

================================================== =

An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!"

Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"

Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!"

The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD."

The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't."

The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!"

==================================================

Adam, you need a helper, a companion.

Oh, boy! Okay I want my helper to be super strong, have genius intelligence, and be stunning to look at.

Whoa there, Adam. That'll cost you an arm and a leg.

Hmmm, then what can I get for a rib?

==================================================

gimo33 · 11-21-2007, 02:45 PM

lol......

Snake Doctor · 11-21-2007, 02:52 PM

AVM · 11-21-2007, 03:45 PM

You must be a super-queer if you find that funny.
Bob Sagget HBO standup watching bama' cornball.

Christians are ignorant and like this (l)tame shit.
Repeating cycle. New shit, different culture/age/same shit. Flush the toilet so we can ban censorship and teach new generation how to be funny- and not corny motherfuckers, for the sake of being fundamentalists/ultra close to god.

The kids in class who asked why the teacher forgot the homework...

except this time round' no teacher you scum fucks. Hi, no message board fight.
I kid

Hell House Vic · 11-21-2007, 04:04 PM

ha interesting and funny

11-21-2007, 02:36 PM	#1
dougeetx Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 6,163	Christian Jokes for the Atheists Fr. Monahan was having a problem with bats in his church. He had no way to get rid of them and they were causing all kinds of trouble. A concerned parishioner told him that Fr. Daniel had the same problem last year and that he should ask for advice. Fr. Daniel was very helpful. He said, "Yes, we had several bats and it took some time to figure out how to deal with the problem. Finally I decided to baptize them and confirm them and I haven't seen them since." ================================================== ===== My fellow Catholics should get this one... A young man saw two priests together in the store. One was a Jesuit and the other was a Franciscan. He decided to approach them for advice. Hello Fathers. I have been praying a novena for weeks for a new Lexus. I haven't gotten one yet. Why isn't God answering my prayer? The Franciscan replied, "What's a Lexus?" The Jesuit replied, "What's a novena?" ================================================== ==== Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to God's kids. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: "Don't." "Don't what?" Adam asked. "Don't eat the Forbidden Fruit." God replied. "Forbidden fruit? We got Forbidden Fruit? Hey, Eve..we got Forbidden Fruit!" "No way!" "Where?" "Don't eat that fruit!" said God. "Why?" "Because I am your Creator and I said so!" said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants. A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and was angry. "Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the 'First Parent' asked. "Uh huh," Adam replied. "Then why did you?" "I dunno," Eve answered. "She started it!" Adam said. "Did not!" "DID so!" "DID NOT!" Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own...thus the pattern was set, and it has never changed. ================================================== After a few days with Eve, Adam, distressed, calls on God. God, thank you for making Eve. She is soo beautiful and soft. She's wonderful, really. Adam, I made her beautiful so that you would stay with her and love her. Well, God, why did you make her so dumb? Adam, I made her dumb so she would stay with you! ================================================== = An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!" Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!" Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!" The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD." The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't." The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!" ================================================== Adam, you need a helper, a companion. Oh, boy! Okay I want my helper to be super strong, have genius intelligence, and be stunning to look at. Whoa there, Adam. That'll cost you an arm and a leg. Hmmm, then what can I get for a rib? ================================================== __________________ Coming Soon! A NEW revolution in black adult social networking!

11-21-2007, 02:45 PM	#2
gimo33 Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 5,599	lol...... __________________ Galleries that sells www.highendcreatives.com Avail of the $10 per gallery, promo!! Highend Designs at Low Price. Contact us now!

11-21-2007, 04:04 PM	#5
Hell House Vic Pay to Cum Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Nor San Diego Posts: 1,029	ha interesting and funny __________________ Contact Me - ICQ: 206851710 eMail vic (at) hellhousemedia (dot) com 'Satanism is like Capitalism for teens' - Ty HellHouse

11-21-2007, 02:52 PM	#3
Snake Doctor I'm Lenny2 Bitch Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: On top of my soapbox Posts: 13,449

11-21-2007, 03:45 PM	#4
AVM Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: South Florida. Posts: 1,890	You must be a super-queer if you find that funny. Bob Sagget HBO standup watching bama' cornball. Christians are ignorant and like this (l)tame shit. Repeating cycle. New shit, different culture/age/same shit. Flush the toilet so we can ban censorship and teach new generation how to be funny- and not corny motherfuckers, for the sake of being fundamentalists/ultra close to god. The kids in class who asked why the teacher forgot the homework... except this time round' no teacher you scum fucks. Hi, no message board fight. I kid