My aching fucking back....

[theking]

I am beginning to lose track but I think this is the fourth day of being in some real fucking pain from my back. How about some of you help me take my mind off of it by posting your best jokes. Thanks in advance.

[Beastiepoo]

I farted...

[AbuckOr2]

do some push ups, seriously.

it will help u bro.

do you know Kung Fu or Karate? you should learn some and practice them everyday . it helps u stay healthy and a big strong dick . check out boneprone's dick you'll know what i'm talking about .

[theking]

Originally posted by Beastiepoo
I farted...

Did you get real pleasure from the relief?

[theking]

Originally posted by AbuckOr2
do some push ups, seriously.

it will help u bro.

do you know Kung Fu or Karate? you should learn some and practice them everyday . it helps u stay healthy and a big strong dick . check out boneprone's dick you'll know what i'm talking about .

Thanks for the advice Boneprone, but I will have to pass. No thanks I don't care to check out your dick.

[AbuckOr2]

and if you want to practice your mind please let me know. I have a kung fu technique that helps you forget everything. you will feel like you're in heaven or somewhere while you're breathing like a flowing river. (?)

[Beastiepoo]

Originally posted by theking


Did you get real pleasure from the relief?

Yes thanks. Flatulance is a BIG bi-product of pregnancy. More so now the baby is nearly 7" long. Don't mind me, I'm just a proud mother.

[AbuckOr2]

Originally posted by theking


Thanks for the advice Boneprone, but I will have to pass. No thanks I don't care to check out your dick.

oh, i am not boney btw. he's far different .

be my student and i'll teach you some good moves to defense yourself man.

you know the 18 kicks of North Shaolin Branch ? you only know them and you'll be able to kick some niggas' ass .

[Bree]

How about some anagrams?


Dormitory
Dirty Room

Desperation
A Rope Ends It

The Morse Code
Here Come Dots

Slot Machines
Cash Lost in 'em

Animosity
Is No Amity

Mother-in-law
Woman Hitler

Snooze Alarms
Alas! No More Z's

Alec Guinness
Genuine Class

Semolina
Is No Meal

The Public Art Galleries
Large Picture Halls, I Bet

A Decimal Point
I'm a Dot in Place

The Earthquakes
That Queer Shake

Eleven plus two
Twelve plus one

Contradiction
Accord not in it

This one's truly amazing:

"To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis
nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous
fortune."

And the Anagram:

"In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our
insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns
rotten."

And for the grand finale:

"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for
mankind."
* Neil Armstrong

The Anagram:

"A thin man ran; makes a large stride, left planet,
pins flag on moon! On to Mars!"

[Tex Willer]

Originally posted by theking
I am beginning to lose track but I think this is the fourth day of being in some real fucking pain from my back. How about some of you help me take my mind off of it by posting your best jokes. Thanks in advance.

did you try this one
http://www.healthtrust.com/intmed/Ac...ofenaccd.shtml

NO more than 200 mg/day

it's very effective
that's my friend says
he's got same fuckin problem

[theking]

Originally posted by Tex Willer


did you try this one
http://www.healthtrust.com/intmed/Ac...ofenaccd.shtml

NO more than 200 mg/day

it's very effective
that's my friend says
he's got same fuckin problem

Thanks for the tip. I have been provided with others. I am writing down all of the names and when my doctor gets back in town I am going to discuss them all with him. The Ultram I am taking works to some extent, but not good enough for me.

[AbuckOr2]

listen to me, do excersie and shit man, don't take medicines for something like that. medicines kill you one way or another.

herbal medicines rok.

[bawdy]

did u get my post in last thread about Vioxx

[theking]

Originally posted by bawdy
did u get my post in last thread about Vioxx

Yes I did. It is on my list and thanks for the info. Come on people lets hear some funny stories.

[Joe Sixpack]

Originally posted by theking
I am beginning to lose track but I think this is the fourth day of being in some real fucking pain from my back. How about some of you help me take my mind off of it by posting your best jokes. Thanks in advance.

Get shotgun, load, put in mouth, pull trigger.

I guarantee your pain will be gone.

[theking]

Originally posted by Joe Sixpack


Get shotgun, load, put in mouth, pull trigger.

I guarantee your pain will be gone.

Get shotgun, load, put in Aborigines ass, pull trigger, blow the few brains out that he has and I guarantee I will feel better.

[Bree]

I've had back surgery, but the best thing you can do for your back is to walk. Take a short walk everyday. Has been recommended by MDs, PTs, and PAs.

Of course, I just take a percoset or two and everything feels better

so the anagrams didn't do it.. how about this joke?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.

The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's
really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night.
We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that.

Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."

The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and
her parents.

He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.

The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."

He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

-------------------------------------
<a href="http://www.netpond.com">Netpond</a>

[theking]

Originally posted by Bree
I've had back surgery, but the best thing you can do for your back is to walk. Take a short walk everyday. Has been recommended by MDs, PTs, and PAs.

Of course, I just take a percoset or two and everything feels better

so the anagrams didn't do it.. how about this joke?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.

The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's
really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night.
We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that.

Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."

The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and
her parents.

He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.

The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."

He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

-------------------------------------
<a href="http://www.netpond.com">Netpond</a>

Now we are getting somewhere. Good one. By the way I cannot do the walking thing right now. I can barely move my legs and I can't straighten up.

[theking]

No more jokes?

[Nina]

Originally posted by theking
No more jokes?

I don't have a joke but what can I do to make you feel better? Just name it.

[theking]

Originally posted by Nina


I don't have a joke but what can I do to make you feel better? Just name it.

I finally went to sleep last night and slept quite a few hours, so I didn't see your post last night. Some of the pain has dissipated today. I can use my legs more today and almost straighten up, so maybe the worst part is over. What can you do? Just keep existing in my dreams Sexy Nina.

[ServerGenius]

Don't worry you'll die soon...(for real this time) and then it will
be all over you sick fuck!

DynaMite

[TDF]

Originally posted by DynaSpain
Don't worry you'll die soon...(for real this time) and then it will
be all over you sick fuck!

DynaMite

[theking]

Originally posted by DynaSpain
Don't worry you'll die soon...(for real this time) and then it will
be all over you sick fuck!

DynaMite

I have seen your photo. If I was as ugly as you are, I definitely would be sick. You are an insignificant so fuck you, go suck your own cock, because you aren't going to be allowed to suck mine.

[fnet]

Originally posted by Bree
How about some anagrams?

http://www.ssynth.co.uk/~gay/anagram.html

my favorite anagram for my name:

any horny port

[Diluted O2]

Back pains, man i know those all too well. I havethem all day everyday. It's the way i sleep. You should try and fall asleep in a different position. Here's a joke in the meantime.

A catholic priest and a rabbi are walking down the street. The priest sees a 5 year old boy and says to the rabbi. "Hey let's go screw that little kid over there!" And the rabbi says "Out of what?"

[theking]

Originally posted by Diluted O2
Back pains, man i know those all too well. I havethem all day everyday. It's the way i sleep. You should try and fall asleep in a different position. Here's a joke in the meantime.

A catholic priest and a rabbi are walking down the street. The priest sees a 5 year old boy and says to the rabbi. "Hey let's go screw that little kid over there!" And the rabbi says "Out of what?"

[theking]

My back pain is improving, another one or two days, it should be back to normal. You can keep the jokes coming if you like.

[Bree]

Here's some more advice. When you sleep, sleep on your side with a pillow between your legs. If you sleep flat on your back, put the pillow behind your knees -- that will take the pressure off your back. Speaking of bed, you should replace your mattress if it's rather old..

here's another joke:

In the wee hours of the morning three robbers meet and embark on their plans to get rich. Once inside the bank, efforts at disabling the internal security system gets under way immediately. The robbers expecting to find one or two huge safes filled with cash and valuables were more than surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered strategically throughout the bank. The first safe's combination was cracked, and inside the robbers found only a bowl of vanilla pudding.
"Well," said one robber to another, "at least we got a bit to eat."They opened up the second safe and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding,and the process continued until all the safes were opened and there was not one dollar, a diamond, nor an ounce of gold to be found.
Instead, all the safes contained containers of pudding. Disappointed, each of the mobsters made a quiet exit, leaving with nothing more than queasy, uncomfortably full stomachs.
The following morning, the local newspaper headline read:
"SPRINGFIELD'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING"

[Pornwolf]

[theking]

Originally posted by Bree
Here's some more advice. When you sleep, sleep on your side with a pillow between your legs. If you sleep flat on your back, put the pillow behind your knees -- that will take the pressure off your back. Speaking of bed, you should replace your mattress if it's rather old..

here's another joke:

In the wee hours of the morning three robbers meet and embark on their plans to get rich. Once inside the bank, efforts at disabling the internal security system gets under way immediately. The robbers expecting to find one or two huge safes filled with cash and valuables were more than surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered strategically throughout the bank. The first safe's combination was cracked, and inside the robbers found only a bowl of vanilla pudding.
"Well," said one robber to another, "at least we got a bit to eat."They opened up the second safe and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding,and the process continued until all the safes were opened and there was not one dollar, a diamond, nor an ounce of gold to be found.
Instead, all the safes contained containers of pudding. Disappointed, each of the mobsters made a quiet exit, leaving with nothing more than queasy, uncomfortably full stomachs.
The following morning, the local newspaper headline read:
"SPRINGFIELD'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING"

Ahem, I was just about to get a bowl of Jello Vanilla pudding from the frige. I will pass now. Ruined my late night snack but is funny. I have an almost new mattress, very firm, but I will try the pillow trick. Thanks for the advice.

[CDSmith]

I've posted this one before, but as I've come to be quite fond of it for some reason,
I'll share it again....


Six year old Debra was walking her dog when she passed
the temple where she and her family attended services. As
she approached her Rabbi came out the temple door and said,
" Shalom Debra, I see the tooth fairy visited you again."

"Yes Rabbi, and she left me a dollar under my pillow." said the
six year politely. She then said, " Rabbi have you met my dog Porky?"

The old Rabbi chuckled. "I'll bet a nickel I can guess why you call him
Porky."

She shook her head. "I'll bet you can't."

He laughed and said, "You called him Porky because he's so big and fat."

Debra shook her head. "No Rabbi, we call him that because he fucks pigs."

[CDSmith]

King, why the love between you and Dynaspain?

[theking]

Originally posted by CDSmith
I've posted this one before, but as I've come to be quite fond of it for some reason,
I'll share it again....


Six year old Debra was walking her dog when she passed
the temple where she and her family attended services. As
she approached her Rabbi came out the temple door and said,
" Shalom Debra, I see the tooth fairy visited you again."

"Yes Rabbi, and she left me a dollar under my pillow." said the
six year politely. She then said, " Rabbi have you met my dog Porky?"

The old Rabbi chuckled. "I'll bet a nickel I can guess why you call him
Porky."

She shook her head. "I'll bet you can't."

He laughed and said, "You called him Porky because he's so big and fat."

Debra shook her head. "No Rabbi, we call him that because he fucks pigs."

Out of the mouth of kids, as they say. Remember the moron jokes. One teacher I had, I think it was in the third grade, had someone in the class tell a joke every day. This one little girl told the one about. Why does the moron take milk to bed with him. To feed his wife's pussy. She did not understand the joke but some of us more sophicticated ones did, and of course the teacher did, and kept her after class for a talking to.

[theking]

Originally posted by CDSmith
King, why the love between you and Dynaspain?

I assume you have read his posts in response to my posts? Do I need to say more? He put me on ignore so it should be the end.