i would dump her, there is no way in a committed realationship that you should be sleeping with others.

people should be honest from the get go, i know it is hard to say to someone "i am still banging my ex husband" but this way no one gets hurt and both sides can also have their little flings on the side.

if a girl cheated on me it means she is not an honest person, and honesty is a huge quality a girl must have for me.

You should hire n|ggers and castrate him just in case

Is it really cheating if she does it while the two of you are "just dating"?

I honestly had no idea those answering "no" to that question would outnumber the yes camp.

it depends then, i can tell when the line has been set of being committed.

if it is at that early stage then no it is not cheating, depends when the guidelines were set and what the guidelines are.

PS

this thread is about you are your roast beef ass girlfriend isnt it?

no, it's not cheating - when you meet someone their dating history is none of your business - what matters is the current relationship and the boundaries you both choose to place on it - ultimately I personally believe all relationships should be "open" anyways, but that's a whole other story :winkwink:

ha ha, no. I'm thinking about making an assault on your girlfriend's roast beef pussy though and thought I'd do a little research on it first.

I see you'd be okay with it. :pimp

You lost me . . . she was banging the ex until you arrived. What was she supposed to do, do out and find someone else to bang until she found you?

She could bang anyone and get HIV. I would think an ex would be someone you could trust a little more than some guy she picked up in a bar.

As long as she's not doing him anymore I say its no prob

If you are not exclusive, you are not exclusive. Have none of you juggled girlfriends/boyfriends?

Same as above.

:thumbsup

If you are not exclusive, you are not exclusive. Have none of you juggled girlfriends/boyfriends?

Same as above.

:thumbsup

Read you the first time. :D


So you are okay if a chick you're seeing is screwing her ex while "just dating" you, doesn't tell you until 2 months into the relationship when you are exclusive. That too is interesting.

I would have thought you'd be in the "I'd cut the bitch loose" camp.



Cool. Anyone else?

well, considering that it was BEFORE she met the guy, it really doesn't matter. just my two cents anyways.

I think baddog gave up looking for a "love" type relationship a long time ago. I don't blame him really but from what he posts he doesn't seem to be looking for "the one".

Who has time for that? I barely have time for one.

I am not really into "relationships." I always try to make sure my g/f's live at least 300 miles away.

Quite perceptive.

If it happens, it happens, but I most certainly am not "looking" for it.

The secret is letting them know from the gate that they are just one you are seeing.

When it gets fun is when three of them are at the same bar together and one is slightly psycho.

i dont think its dismal at all. i think it is what it is. "to love" as a verb means basically means nothing more than treating someone in a certain way to elicit a response from that person which gives YOU a feeling of safety and security in the relationship... and to cause them to become emotionally dependent on you

i think that "loving someone" is nothing more than manipulation for selfish reasons. of course, its a bit like calling a retarded kid retarded. its not acceptable or politically correct and no doubt, anyone would read that and react with defensive remarks.... but the facts do not change, no matter how we want to dress them up or romanticize them. at the end of the day, we are just baboons trying to get by in life and convince ourselves that we aren't baboons.

Do you think there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with them?

i think "being in love" is nothing more than finding the fulfillment of ones own emotional needs... no matter what they might be and no matter how unhealthy they might be (i.e. women who seek out abusive relationships etc)

i would characterize one as manipulation

the other as being manipulated.

i would also say that i am not saying its a bad thing or negative thing. just saying thats how i see it.

i believe that i love my wife. but relationships are what they are... they are two people in a state of emotional co-dependence.

Sorry but the way you put it sounds quite dismal to me just the same. :1orglaugh

Good posts though.

Depends... thought she may be the woman of your dreams, but was she supposed to be in a monogamous relationship with you? If not... all best are off.

Of course there is. I love my father but I'm not IN love with him - eww!! :helpme

I think as I get older I tend to not really give a shit if someone's seeing someone else if we haven't agreed to be exclusive. Ditto I will continue to see others too. And if someone doesn't like it, I've also found that there's another guy about 2 steps away from the one you're seeing if the guy you're with isn't happy with things :)

I guess that's it right there... it's the fact that there's a difference between "seeing someone else" and fucking someone else while dating you* that has some people being not too crazy about the idea.



*You as in you all, as in anyone.

I probably prefer it.

TBH, I would rather someone be screwing their old ex with no emotion while we're not exclusive than taking the time to actually DATE someone. Dating is somehow more intimate than just screwing.

I have just decided being raised by a male has really skewed my estrogen :disgust

I knew there would be certain given exceptions to the question. You for example, and also people who are into swinging and devoted to the open lifestyle (like Badmunchkin mentioned earlier). Most of those types probably wouldn't mind if their partner had had sex with an ex during the dating process early-on.


But among the non-baddog's and non-swinging crowd the two sides are quite polarized if what's been posted here so far is any indication.

Personally speaking, having sex with someone means something. I prefer to have it with someone I truly care about and want to invest time and energy into building something with. Having meaningless sex with someone I otherwise don't have any interest in is to me just that... meaningless, and empty. Just to fill a need? Please, I can visit the palm sisters until I meet someone I want to be with. I don't see where it's too much to ask that the lady have similar values.

That might make a few of the so-called "tuff" guys here want to vomit violently, but I'm willing to take that risk. :D

But whether you disagree and think it's not big deal and would accept a woman regardless, or you feel so against it that you would dump her makes little difference to me, I'm not judging anyone. Again, I go on the premise of what works for you is what is right.


If anyone else has an opinion on this I'd love to hear it.

I still love you.

Bonus: Almost all of my ex's are married, which is one line I WON'T cross, so you don't have to worry about me sleeping with them :thumbsup

but I do still keep up with them - sorry!

I'm actually very much not the jealous type at all. I think that is something Baddog and I might have in common as far as this subject goes.

I tend to trust until my trust is broken. Once it's broken, that's usually pretty much it though.


[Cue Skynyrd's "Simple kind of man"]

breking up a 3,8 year relationship that meant a whole world to you is something we need to talk about.Not this, this is normal.You haven't met this woman before, you started fresh and everything is just fine.I know that you were not talking about your personal life, it was just an example but...

So in your mind, longevity of the relationship matters most. Interesting. So if your wife or girlfriend of nearly 4 years drops the news on you that she was fucking another guy during the first few weeks of you dating her then it's grounds for a breakup, but if the relationship is only a few months old it's hardly worth worrying about, is that it?

Or am I reading you wrong?

lol you are reding me wrong:) The things I wrote had nothing to do with the ex-husband fucking and stuff...I'm a girl btw:)
And if I would find out he was fucking his ex well, I'd probably break up, maybe cry if i like the guy...not fair at all

I don't quite understand what the issue is. Is there a banging grace period I don't know about?

u must always hold it against her so when u fuck up. (And eventually u will) u can use this as an excuse.

I'm not saying that one way or the other. I'm simply interested in what your opinion might be were you to find yourself in such a situation. I know there are several variables that can come into play from situation to situation, which actuallys makes the conversation that much more interesting.

So you tell me, IS there a grace period?

true:) lol

Valid point. It's not like many women don't store, categorize and file away all your fuckups for future use. :winkwink:

it is genetic

wouldnt matter to me.

And share them with our friends :thumbsup

apparently I still have some estrogen left - whew!

You can't hold something she did before you against her. A lot of couples have sex after they are no longer together because it is a known factor.... it's really not an unusual thing. Don't miss out on a good thing over a silly personal thing that really has no realistic bearing on your relationship with her now.

Think of it this way.... would you prefer she told you she was sleeping with random strangers she picked up in the bar a different one every night until she met you. The ex-hubby is not a bad pick lol.

you can argue that ANYTHING has "no realistic bearing on the relationship with her now" ... but thats purely subjective reasoning. people look for signs and red flags based on their own experience and their own needs in a relationship contrasted against the type of relationship they are looking for. past behavior is the single best predictor of future behavior.

you can argue that her having a crack pipe in her purse means nothing because you didn't see her smoking crack. the list of arguments can go on forever.

at the end of the day, all you can do is ask yourself "am i comfortable with this" because there is no simple, black and white, one size fits all, answer. if the answer is "yes, absolutely!" carry on.. if the answer is "no, not really" then the faster you move on, the better it will be for everyone.

LM, I hate to do this to you but *BONK*... you really do need to read the entire thread first, because not only has what you said already been brought up but it has been addressed, and the question actually goes deeper than that.


I have a strong sense that over a pitcher of beer or two, you and I would have some very interesting conversation. :thumbsup

I have to say that from an outsider's perspective, it sounds like you are hitting on him.

CD smith answer me this and others if they wish ok this isnt someone else its me. Been seeing this girl for about 3 months she is still married and was still living with her Husband when I meet her but alone in seperate rooms they have children. I was very casual with her and believe she needs to explore her new freedom witch she was doing she has now moved out setup her own place and has now ask me for an monogamous relationship.
I am still seeing another 4 women but havent had sex with any of them since I was asked.
Now should I lie because I'm fairly sure things will not work out with her and just have sex with the others as well or give it a chance.

Nothing wrong with that... sex is sex and sex with your ex is often great.

I may have been, yes... in a manly no ma'amish kind of way. :D