xxxjay

The beaches in Cuba are an oil slick...fucking disgusting. Philippines is much better.

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Marie

Cuba is an excellent example of the fact that communism doesn't work and that is sad.

I had a great vacation there. It wasn't spectacular and the food was really bad, but the cocktails were excellent and I loved Havana. So yeah, I see what you mean with mixed feelings.

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rolfodolfo

The best way to explore Cuba is by car. You will meet the nicest people. And when you leave you are a few families richer. The people are very poor but allways want to party. Varadero has nothing to do with Cuba for me. i had the worst time there. Only 30km (45miles) from Varadero in Cardenas that is where the real Cuba began for me. It ended in Santa Clara where che's mausoleum is. It was one of the best holidays. But.... if you love luxury DON'T GO!! If you want to what a time machine feels like. Then go to Cuba.

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JayDeeZee

the beaches around Havana is an oil slick. Varedero beach is one of the most beautiful in the world

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Evil Chris

Jay, if you had put some planning into your trip to Cuba you probably would have had a good time or at least a better time. I don't think my dollars will be spent there again, I just think I can do better elsewhere.

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ajrocks

Nice beaches shit ass food.

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GuerillaTony

Been there 2 times and both times were GREAT !
the people were amazing .....and super friendly.

Varadero is awesome with amazing seafood and fantastic beaches

I actually took a road trip from Varadero all the way to Havana with stops in every little small town we could find along the way. Every place we went the people were great and loved chatting with us. We went through areas where they do not get that many tourists and they were even kinder to us. Went through Mantanzas and it was beautiful !

Can't wait to get back there !

Cohiba's , Mojito's , Rum , stellar beaches and amazing music everywhere.
and really CHEAP on top of that ! whats not too like

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DWB

I spent a week there once, tagged 18 year old black twins... it was incredible. To date it was one of the best sexual experiences I have ever had.

DWB

This is not true.

Cuba is destitute not because of communism, but because of the trade embargo. When the Soviet Union fell, Cuba totally collapsed because the USA has bullied the majority of the world to NOT trade with Cuba.

Cuba only has a few trading partners and most of them are also poor, but they trade oil, medicine and the like.

So you can blame Cuba's poverty mostly on America, who I may add have no real reason to continue this embargo in the first place. Besides the Bay Of Pigs incident, there has not been any threat from Cuba.

The CIA admits to several failed assassination attempts on Castro. The USA feared Castro's gaining popularity among Latin America and it was making him a very powerful man. Then add the Russians to the mix and you get an embargo. However, after the Soviet Union fell, Cuba was on their own and was NO threat to the USA at all but the embargo remains. Then they list Cuba as one of the "axis of evil" because they trade medicine that *could* be used for WMDs. Well, so do we and every other country, so we are we picking on them for it?

Don't just take what you learned in school to heart on this topic. Do your own research, there is a ton of it and the USA looks bad no matter how you try to spin it.

AMERICA... FUCK YA!!!!

Jimmy Rock

Think your missing the point, US sanctions are in large the reason for the poverty levels in Cuba, Castro doesn't help much. But since he doesnt bend over and take it in the ass like other owrld leaders we have made the Cuban people suffer for all these years

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teg0

its ok, but i prefer Puerto Rico. Puerto Rico is like Cuba, but more advanced, and has less hassle. Food in PR is just as good.

Cherry7

And why exactly is this racist?

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Michaelious

Bring us back some cigars!!

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he-fox

You don't understand communism, trust me. It's far worse than you immagine.

xxxjay

It all began as a bad idea.

After having been an esteemed invited guest to partake in a summit of all the world?s top online smut peddlers in Panama (I would include more details, but this is a PG-13 blog), a decision to be made:

We could do ?more of the same? in Costa Rica.
Or do something ?really gangsta? and visit Cuba.
Over dinner, a business associate was telling us how awesome Cuba was, how he went all of the time, and could set everything up for us to go through his ?travel assistant? if we wanted . Honestly, I?ve always been curious about Cuba, so?

We opted for #2.

A few fun facts about Cuba:

Americans aren?t supposed to be there.
Because of the embargo: Any American ATM and Visa is useless.
There is no internet access.
You have no cell phone service.
There are probably 3 cops for every 10 persons and they are all on the take.
Cuba isn?t so much a foreign country ? it?s a fucking time machine!
After the end of a pretty good 5 day bender in Panama, I woke up at 8AM to catch a cab to the airport. We had booked 2 tickets on COPA Airlines from Panama to Cuba, ran up every bank card we had and managed to scrape together enough cash for 3 nights / 4 days in Havana. Our hotel was supposedly already paid for by the travel girl we?d given a check to, so we should have more than enough spending money for our stay.

Cuba is cheap, right?

Wrong!

When we got to the check-in counter, I was informed that my flight had been overbooked and would have to fly standby. We decided that if we both don?t fly, neither is going. When we get to the gate, COPA tells me that could put me on the flight BEFORE the one I was supposed to be on. They rushed me over to another gate, I got on the plane, and my bags would arrive on my original flight.

I hope you are still paying attention because here is where the shit hits the fan?

I tell my business partner (JC) that since I would be getting in first that I would just wait for him outside of immigration. I get in and wait on the bench at the side of the large room. This woman keeps coming up and asking me questions in very broken English. I try in vain to communicate.

She keeps coming back with more questions, but now with mean military looking guys carrying nice big automatic weapons and precious little English. Fumbling nervously through my English to Spanish dictionary in one hand and my Treo in the other, I typed up a sentence explaining my flight situation that probably read like:

?My name is payment deferred albatross. Would you please direct me to the nearest water buffalo although my hovercraft is infested with eels??

They were getting confused and keep coming back with a more menacing looking man in a higher level uniform and bigger gun.

Fuck, this is getting ugly.

This scenario plays out again and again through the course of the next 45 minutes. Finally when the flight I was supposed to be on arrives and I see JC. I feel relieved for one second but then the woman asks if this is mi amigo. I say "Yes". Next thing you know, she and the goonsquad are on JC like George Clinton on a crack pipe.

And the games begin.

They take our passports away; drag us into separate interrogation rooms and start working us over. This is before we even can get to our luggage spinning around on the carousel surrounded my a dozen drug sniffing cocker spaniels. We get our bags and the second phase of the interrogation begins.

They take us to another room where they start going through my luggage with a fine tooth comb. They have all pulled out these clipboards and are taking notes of everything I am saying. Any minute I am thinking something I?d forgotten from my ?extra curricular activities? (sniff, sniff) in Panama to drop out of some of my jeans and that would be the end.

Mentally, I was prepared myself for a 20 year stint in Guantanamo Bay.

While all of this is going on I see the customs officers drag JC off to the back room which he describes as ?loaded with pliers, hammers, and electrical equipment?. I thought that they had found something in his luggage for sure. In the meantime, the lady that is harassing me is giving me the business about the ?Samsonite 10 Year Warrantee? card that had broken into pieces in the pockets of in my suitcase!

Yes, people?the Mattress Police are real!

This was only level 2 interrogations. After that, I go through 10 other different sections of harassment, each, when I was thinking one would end only leads to another more severe tier.

?¿En qué hotel estás permaneciendo?? they press on.

?NL Hotel?, I respond. (its only the best known hotel in Havana).

?No hay tal lugar unhotel NL!? they mock.

They start going through some books I had taken for the flight. I had two Charles Bukowski books in my bag (Tales of Ordinary Madness and Hollywood).

?¿Quién es Charles Bukowski??

She suspected I had some form of anti-Castro propaganda and scribbled that down on her pad as well. They keep repeating the same questions using some antiquated Soviet Interrogation technique and going back and forth between JC and myself to see if our stories matched. This shit went on for over three hours.

The lady, finally satiated, and says?

?I?m sorry, welcome to Cuba.?

I step outside and it was literally like stepping into Zoloft-land. Everyone is happy. The sun is shining bright. I finally see JC emerge from immigration with a look of sheer terror on his face. We ask at the information counter about Hotel NL (Hotel National) and all of a sudden everyone on the other side of the door knows exactly where it is and speak English too!

Those sadistic muther fuckering customs fucks!

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xxxjay

So get go outside and get a cab to the hotel. We had been told that the hotel was part of a Spanish chain our Visa would work there because it it appeared as if it was being billed by a bank from Spain. Upon arrival at the desk, we found this to be untrue. Now, all of a sudden, the money we had brought for spending money would pretty much be for our hotel rooms. So the first thing we did was emailed and called our “friends” in Panama, asked if they would put it on one of their non-US cards and we would Paypal them ASAP.

They said fine.

We decide that after all of that shit we ought to see Havana some. We go outside of our hotel, this guy approaches and starts talking to us in pretty good English. Now I am good at spotting a hustler but I will have to say that this guy had New York style hustle. Make a long story short, he somehow tricked us into coming into this bar for a Mojitos and next thing we know these Cuban gangster guys are coming up and trying to sell us cigars that we didn’t even want. It became pretty clear by the crowd of street thugs that were gathering around our table — if we didn’t buy the cigars something was going to happen to us. So we wind up dropping everything we had in our pockets on some cheap cigars and 3 Mojitos just to get out of there with our lives.

It was good we’d left some money in the room.

Just a few short hours in Cuba: tortured, robbed, screwed, and going broke fast.

So we go back to the hotel and try to chill out. By this point our nerves are completely frazzled. We have some dinner and hope tomorrow will turn out better. The next day we find out our friend’s “offshore” visa had been declined. We were still in the same money predicament.

Seeing the problems ahead, we try to just switch our flights and just bail.

No dice.

We have no cell phones, so each call out of the room is getting billed at about 4$ USD per minute. Our friends in Panama told us that our money would be getting sent Western Union to us and everything would be fine. We go up to the pool for a while to have lunch. The place is pretty boring — packed mostly with snooty baby-boomer aged Europeans. We decide to take a walk around and look at some of the sights. We check out old town Havana, which seemed pretty cool until we made it down to the bay and could see oil pollution in the sea that would make the Exxon Valdez look like an oil leak from an old ’79 Chevy!

Al Gore should really start blaming the Commies for Global Warning.




They’re responsible for most of it.

Still aware of the imminent money problem, but hell-bent on doing something fun — we decide to go to this club Johnny’s that a friend of ours had recommended. The place pretty much sucks. I would rather do a cyanide caplet buffet dinner than hear one salsa song again! Playing the unusual role of “the responsible one" I drag JC out of there and we cut the night short, but not before a rather embarrassing Mexican standoff with a 50 something year-old-pear-shaped Dutch stewardess at the hotel bar.

We wake up the next morning and have to square up the hotel bill and now we are left with a mere $83. $50 of it we needed to hold onto for the airport tax and $25 for the taxi. Keep in mind that we would have checked into a much cheaper hotel right off the grip had we not been constantly assured the cavalry was coming.

At 1PM we were getting kicked out of our hotel room with 8 bucks in pocket and 32 hours left in Cuba. Even worse, that phone in our room was the only way to make contact with the outside world.

The desk calls. The Western Union failed.

The concierge tells us of place called “Touraid” where stranded tourists can get money right down the street. After being given countless sets of wrong directions we find this supposed “Touraid” and it is nothing more than a medical office for tourists.

As much as I hate to say it: The Cuban people are very stupid. They walk exist day to day like Zombies on Xanax waiting — on their pensions. I guess it is the nature of Marxist communism. The lady that takes change for the bathroom makes the same as a brain surgeon, maybe more! Why should anyone aspire to anything? Cubans have no motivation to do anything for anyone…including themselves!

We get back on the phone with Panama. They said there was another change in plans. They said the money could only be send from Costa Rica or Miami, which made no sense all. So now, the hotel manager and some guy named Hector were supposed to get the money.

This wound up being wrong too — Western Union was not an option.

Now, the hotel can see that we are really in a bind and agree to extend to room for two hours, so we could get our shit together. At this juncture, we are both raging mad at the guy who set this up. Never once during this whole ordeal did he ever personally take one of our phone calls, instead kept routing us through his network of inefficient 200$ per month Panamanian lackeys!

Pretty fucking lame man…

Next we hear that the cash will be sent via airbill on Copa, but nobody can give us time or a flight. If we took a cab to the airport and the money didn’t show up, we’d only have enough money for the airport tax, we’d need to stiff the hotel, ditch our baggage, and spend the rest of our time dodging authorities or we’d be rotting in Castro’s Graybar Motel.

1PM the hotel shut off our phone to outgoing calls because they know we have no money. All we could do was site around next to the phone and wait. It wasn’t even like you could walk around or do anything to take your mind off this mess. Just sit and wait. Sit and wait. To add insult to injury, from across the street these annoying muther fuckers are standing on the roof blasting bagpipes NONSTOP!

I was starting to loose my mind.

Next thing we learn that the airbill was not going to happen, but the hotel lets us stay in one room for a few more hours while things get sorted out, which seriously didn’t look like it was going to.

Weighing our options:

We would take our bags and spend the night on the streets (which are far from safe).
Or go to the airport and try to wait there for our flight with all of those scary ass muther fuckers from the beginning of this fabulous disaster. Hell no!
Turn ourselves in to the American Embassy for a $12,000 fine and loss of passports.
#1 / #2 = extended stay at camp X-Ray.
#3 = Not an option.

Finally, deep in the eleventh hour we get a call from the desk telling us that some good soul named Richard Burry from the Netherlands had paid our tab.

Richard you are a good man, whoever you are — much thanks!

Now, the only thing we needed to do was get the fuck out of there. We turned in early, woke up early, snap some quick pictures o the George Bush = Hitler sign and get the fuck out of Dodge.




Though this blog has become a rather bloated 2500+ word opus, I still have left a million other things out that went wrong over those 72+ hours. Words can not properly convey how fucking horrible that country is. Communism is a failed ideology and Cuba is a failed country. Why Cuba is the last Warsaw Pact Marxist Communist country while the rest of the world has torn down the wall and moved on?

Fact is: Cuba sucks balls.

I wouldn’t send my worst enemy there. The worst thing that ever happened to Cuba is their bloody glorious Revolution. JFK should have pulled the trigger on the Bay of Pigs and the American Mob should still be running shit down there — the place would be better off. Nothing is good about Cuba. The food isn’t good, the women aren’t gorgeous, the place is dirty, polluted, dangerous, expensive, the indigenous people are morons, the nightlife blows, and you can’t walk 10 feet without encoutering some corrupt pig or tell friend from foe

As soon as Castro takes a dirtnap, Cuba will open up to the West - the island will be bathed in the cobalt-green-light of capitalism. There will be a McDonalds on every corner, a Wal-Mart in every town and a former communist shithole has a chance at becoming a tropical paradise! Yet, the Cuban people have been brainwashed for so long that they actually celebrate their way of life by glamorizing goons like Che Guevara — they don’t even realize they’ve been shammed for 50+ years.

Sadly, much of the outside world has also bought into the rebel mystique.

The Revolution has been brought to you by Hot Topic!




Fuck Castro!

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xxxjay

whoos...........

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Lykos

Am going there entire december,will tell u after it

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Cherry7

You travel to a country ill prepared then blame it on the system.. Of course a Cuban in New York without money would be treated like a king...LOL

If you are going to travel anywhere take several means of payment. Western "Capitalist " banks have a great habit of stopping Credit Card payments when you are abroad.

If you walk off with hustlers don't come to London, in fact don't travel.

Cuba is a poor country in many ways, and to a large degree because if was fucked over by the US...But the system there works for the majority of people.

If you are poor and need a hospital at least you can get treated in Cuba

If you want to help the Cuban people end the illegal US blockcade...

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yys

You have to be absolutely fucking retarded to believe what you just said.

Why don't you get off your ass and move there for a bit. Then you can report back on how great it is. Just make sure not to speak your mind well you're there.

Cherry7

I live and studied in communist Poland from 1972 till 1977, I have travel thoughout the Soviet Union before and after the collapse... I have visited Argentina, Brazil, Bangladesh working on documentaries, I have worked in Cuba and traveled there.

The sad truth is that people are lied to about life in other countries...and the US citizens are lied to more than most. Americans seem to be completly brainwashed

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rolfodolfo

And that IS true it is about the embargo!!!!!!!!! And what is America doing in Guantanamo? go away

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Marie

Ehm... ok... I am not saying that the US embargo isn't part of Cuba's problems but communism is a part of the problems as well, you have to admit that.

I am not American. I have learned NOTHING about this in high school. What I know about Cuba is what I learned when I was IN Cuba, talking with locals, and reading a lot about the subject.

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Evil Chris

Jay, the first part of your story sounds simply like over-zealous customs agents taking their jobs too seriously. I get that kind of treatment quite often from US customs when pre-clearing at Dorval airport in Montreal. Also, a 20 year stint in Guantanamo is highly unlikely since it is land occupied by US Forces, but I get your drift.

Money. You ought to have known that any US card (credit, ATM, anything) won't work anywhere in Cuba.

hehehe.... no.

No offence dude but your story reads like a comedy as I'm sure it is supposed to.

Fact is: You went to Cuba on a whim, and were completely unprepared and uneducated about your destination.

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JayDeeZee

The Havana Hustle.
The guy who brought you there gets a commission for bringing new tourists to these bars. Some locals warned me about this scam.

Every 2 blocks a guy would approach us saying "Hey Mang, Where you FRONG?" LOL.....I found that if you say "Jamaica" you could score weed

Many of them are Hustlers aka jinetero's. I just had fun with them and joked around.

When I travel, I usually carry a pocket knife. I never felt unsafe of threatened once in Cuba.

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Marie

That is actually true. A Cuban hotel bellboy (or anyone getting tips from tourists) makes a whole lot of money because he gets pesos convertibles instead of pesos. The only problem is that it's almost impossible to spend the money.

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Evil Chris

What's true? That a surgeon makes less than a chambermaid? Wrong.

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stev0

Communism works fine, tough for any political system to work when most of the world is pushed into cutting off trade with you.

stev0

How do you figure? Some of the most successful countries in history were communist.

KILL_FRENZY

Maybe I'll go in the future

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he-fox

name one.

AmigoPorn

- Barbara Walters

- Eleanor Clift

Watch the video clips here

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rolfodolfo

Anyway cuba rocks, the people are very friendly the beaches are nice.Like pigs bay ( Bahia de cochinos).Or Peninsula de Zapata the residence of most of the Cuban wildlife. Or ............pffffff it is so cool!!!!

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GeorgeM

Ill go there soon

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en21

never and probably never will be

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DWB

I do admit that! Communism does play a huge role here because it is the reason the USA has the trade embargo in the first place. No communism, no embargo. They didn't place the embargo into place for shits and giggles. They do not want a communist country 98 miles from US soil and they do not want Fidel Castro in power.

If you want to debate that if Cuba was NOT a communist country and there were NO trade embargo, would Cuba still be a mess? I can't answer that. None of us can. Though I can say with absolute certainty that the government would steal huge sums of money and still let many of the people live in poverty. I also can say with absolute certainty that they would also still have free healthcare, free and good education to the doctorate level and a very high literacy rate. But could the people come and go and work as they please? No. That is not how communism works. But would Cuba be a better or worse place than it is today? Probably much better. Still a bit of a mess I'm sure, but much better off than what they have now. That can not be argued.

Over the years I have spent total of about 2 years of my life in Cuba, not at the resorts. I've literally been in almost every city on the island and have heard all sides of the story from all kinds of different Cubans. It's a divided country. You have half or more of the people who support Castro and still believe in what he is doing. The other side, mostly younger Cubas who only want to talk about American brands and how to make money, want him to die. Of course, thanks to him they have free healthcare, free education to the doctorate level and Cuba has one of the highest literacy rates in the world, which pre-Castro was among the lowest.

While I'm not going to say that Fidel is doing the right thing, I will say that he has done a lot of good for the country.

One of my best friends in Cuban, from Havana. He worked as a tour guide there all his life and ended up getting married to a woman who came there from Spain. It took him forever to get his papers to leave, but he got them and now is living in Spain, wanting to return to Cuba. He loves his country, he loves Fidel, he wants to go back.

For every Cuban that gets in a raft and tries to float to the USA or a neighboring island, there are 1000 Cubans who would never leave and love their country. I've met plenty of these people, and while their life may be a difficult one, it is the only one they know. Who are we to say that their way is the wrong way?

The majority of the Cubans I have met, shared a room with, traveled with, hitch-hiked with and partied with are happier than any American or European I have ever met. Sure, they want total freedom, they want big macs and nike shoes, they want to earn real money and get fancy cars, but in the end is that really better? Are we really that much better off than them?

When Cuba opens up and is a free country, it's going to take a dive WAY worse than where it is now. The Havana malecon will be bought up, in fact I read McDonalds and Starbucks already have their locations worked out privately, and most of Havana will turn into a tourist destination, but the Cubans are going to sink deeper into poverty. After the Americans rush in and strip them of all their antiques, all their old cars and furniture that is worth a small fortune, Cuba is going to be just another shit hole Caribbean island that has little to offer, no healthcare system at all, shitty education if at all... nada. THEN lets have the discussion about how bad things were for the Cubas in 2007.

Let me also add that the World Health Org is expecting Cuba to have an HIV/AIDS problem to rival Africa in the coming years. Right now Cuba can deal with their HIV/AIDS problem and they have the medicine to treat them. Who is going to pay for this once their current system has collapsed and there is no more free health care? Is the USA or European countries? Nope. Cuba won't even be able to treat their own or make medicine for them and will be just another Hatie or Africa. And those are not my words, those come from the World Health Org.

I'm not pro-communism. Im not pro-Castro. But I am saying that things are a lot better now than what is coming for them, and the trade embargo plays a very large hand and their current situation. I just can't believe nobody else can see that.

Flat out, Cuba is a clusterfuck. There is not easy solution and unfortunately the Cuban people are going to suffer no matter how it ends. It's easy for all of us to sit back and say what is right and wrong for them, and we have our opinions, none right, none wrong, but we can't possibly fathom what it is like to be trapped there or what it is like to believe in a movement so much that you are willing to live in poverty for it your entire life. We can't relate. There is no proper solution. Removing Castro today is not going to fix things. Cuba is a glorious mess and sadly, it's only going to get worse for them no matter what changes are made.

DWB

Great and very true quotes.

Cuba has one of the highest literacy rates in the entire world!!! 97%!!!!

Another little know fact is Guantanamo.

Theodore Roosevelt used the Platt amendment and forced the Cuban government (pre Castro) to lease Guantanamo to the USA for 2000 gold coins per year!!!! In 1906 the lease was renegotiated and the 2000 gold coins became $2000 USD.

Here is a great read on it and how (many say) the USA broke international law to stay there when the lease should have been cancelled. FUCK YA!!!

CLICK HERE FOR A GOOD READ ON HOW THE USA GOT AND KEEPS GUANTANAMO

rolfodolfo

True!!!! Their lives will be more miserable. See what happens to the refugees in Miami etc. They won't get a better life. There are no jobs, future, familiy. removing Castro will not work and going to another country will not help them! The cuban people are better of in Cuba.

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JayDeeZee

Great Post DWB!

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rolfodolfo

True!!!!!!

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The Judge

A. Che Gavarra was half Irish
B. Most Cubans I met were genuine and friendly
C. You have to be out of your mind to try and shoot content there