Post 9,000: Why Gobots Failed OR Why Does this Robot Have a Penis?

Throughout the years I collected all sorts of stuff, from the novel to the just plain mundane. For the most part the only things I still collect are old video game consoles and vintage games. Anyways, I sold off most of my collectables ages ago and was going through a closet here where I found an old robot that I didn't quite remember. At first the robot looked like a typical piece of cheap multicolored plastic. Then I picked it up and noticed something odd about it. This robot had a penis.



I looked up the robot and found out that it was a Gobot made by Arco. Then I found out it was supposed to transform into a gun, apparently a double barreled laser shotgun or something like that. That's right -- this was a robot (that has a penis) that is supposed to get transformed into a gun:




So... the premise of this toy, I'm assuming of course, was to get young children to fondle a plastic penis and then to transform the robot into a crude looking gun, in which they then pretended to kill their family with because their family had bought them a toy that demanded them to play with its plastic penis. Then I looked up some the other Gobots from the series, and holy fucking shit they had like ten other robots with the same exact premise, in which the robot would transform into different guns only after fondling the plastic genitalia.

Now all of this would be relatively fine (even if a bit perturbed) if not for the obvious ulterior motives that the reps at Arco had. You see, the head of Arco had a vision of the future, a vision of white women everywhere getting raped by a race of robots with cocks. It used to be that we just had to worry about black men raping white women but now? Now it's a whole new playing field. As robot technology gets more advanced, and their robot cocks become ever more sophisticated, it's obvious that white women all over the world are in constant danger.

But it wasn't as if Arco could just bring out model 2.0 of their well-endowed robots and expect the world to sit idly by and let white women get raped on a continual basis. That's where the Gobots came in. Arco had wanted to start brainwashing children at the earliest of ages, so that in the future they would not be concerned when robots were walking around impaling women with their large robot dicks. Instead of fighting the robots, they instead would be angry at themselves for playing with similar robots, albeit smaller, as children and be too passive to fight back. It was a scheme worthy of song and praise and the head of Arco ALMOST got away with it...

...THANKFULLY, however, it appears that Arco's diabolical scheme was thwarted because of just how fucking horrible the Gobots series was when compared to the pure awesomeness that was Transformers. It set back their vision of an army of women-raping robots by at least twenty years, perhaps even more. I worry though that Michael Bay may be working with the enemy. Rumor has it that in the upcoming Transformers movie there will be a sex scene between Optimus Prime and Rachael Taylor, leading to a rejuvenation of Arco's plans. Only time will tell if Michael Bay has truly turned to the dark side.