Twenty Things I Learned from Watching Spider-Man 3:

[notabook]

1. A phone cord can support a 115 pound person longer than an aluminum (or steel) support beam can.

2. Mary Jane Watson is a complete bitch and should be dropped off the tallest building possible... oh wait.

3. Police in New York always carry a shovel to dig for, and or stab, people in sand.

4. Particle Accelerators will give you superpowers.

5. Spider-Man is a vain bastard who would rather flirt than save New York from a giant cloud of sand.

6. Spider-Man reveals his secret identity at every opportunity possible in broad daylight.

7. People with a French accent mispronounce Parker as "Pecker".

8. Nerds in the Spider-Man universe get all the pussy.

9. Peter Parker is the most bipolar person ever. He goes from angry, to happy, to sad all within 60 seconds.

10. Young people enjoy doing the twist. This isn't a metaphor for sex either.

11. Mirrors can fix memory impairment.

12. Evidently Mary Jane forgets Peter Parker is Spider-Man.

13. Black Spider-Man is instantly hated and feared by New York because black people are evil.

14. Symbiotes from space enjoy dancing and doing pelvic thrusts.

15. It is necessary to tell God your full name, otherwise he won't know it's you who are talking to him.

16. You can only remove a symbiote in a church because it is made out of mexicans, i.e. ungodly shit.

17. Butlers are creepy and will love anything that breathes.

18. Flashbacks can be informative for retarded people.

19. A tiny bomb will completely vaporize a person and a symbiote, leaving no matter behind.

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20. Venom's voice is by far the biggest let down in all of movie history.