Worst Taste Jokes in History Thread

[leedsfan]

Let's see some of your worst taste jokes;

I'll post a few to get you going;


Whats the main sport in Indonesia?
Body surfing

Why did Princes Diana cross the road?
Because she wasn't wearing her seat belt.

Ok, let's see what you've got.

[gornyhuy]

How do they know the Challenger astronauts had dandruff?

They found their head and shoulders on the beach.

[Sansa]

Q: What's the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies?
A: You can only unload one of them with a pitchfork.

[beerptrol]

A fellow was on his honeymoon near his favorite fishing lake and he would fish from dawn to dark with his favorite fishing guide.
One day the guide, friend of many years, mentioned that the honeymoon seemed to be spent fishing.
"Yes, but you know how I love to fish..."
"But aren't you newlyweds supposed to be into something else?"
"Yes, but she's got gonorrhea; and you know how I love to fish"
A few hours later, "I understand, but that's not the only way to have sex."
"I know, but she's got diarrhea; and you know how I love to fish..."
The following day: "Sure, but that's still not the only way to have sex."
"Yeah, but she's got phyrrea; and you know how I love to fish..."
Late that afternoon, thoroughly frustrated the guide comments, "I guess I'm not sure why you'd marry someone with health problems like that."
"It's 'cause she's also got worms; and you know I just love to fish..."

[mikah9]

How do they know the Challenger astronauts had dandruff?

They found their head and shoulders on the beach.

hahahahha, thats a good one

[woj]

heh, some bad ones here, heh

[tranza]

Lol, some pretty nice ones here.....

[schneemann]

What do you tell a women with 2 black eyes?
Nothing you already told the bitch twice.

What's the first thing a woman does after leaving the battered women's shelter?

The dishes if she knows what's good for her.

[Scott McD]

How do they know the Challenger astronauts had dandruff?

They found their head and shoulders on the beach.

Oh my....

[Elli]

What, the dishwasher joke isn't here?

[Shocking]

hey come on more jokes please!

[leedsfan]

whats the best thing about getting a blowjob from an Ethiopian woman?

you know shes going to swallow...

[gimo33]

Whats worse than finding 10 babies in a bin?

Finding 1 baby in 10 bins

[gimo33]

Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was glued to the elephant

[gimo33]

How do you make a cat go woof?

cover it in petrol and throw a match

WOOF

[DamageX]

How do you make a cat go woof?

cover it in petrol and throw a match

WOOF

HAHAHAHAHA, OMFG!

[gimo33]

What should you do if you're attacked by a gang of clowns?
Go for the juggler

[gimo33]

Q. What do elephants use for tampons....


A. Sheep....




Q. Why do elephants have trunks?


A. Sheep don't have that little string.....

[gimo33]

A guy takes his ailing wife to the doctor. After a few tests, the doctor says its either Alzheimers or AIDS.

Confused, the husband says "What should I do"?

The doctor says, take her for a long drive and leave her there. If she comes home, what ever you do, don't fuck her.

[gimo33]

Why do women have legs?

Ever seen the fucking mess a slug makes?

[Azlord]

What did Santa Claus give Paris Hilton for Christmas?
He raped her.

Why does ET love Reese's Pieces candies?
Cause peanutbutter tastes like cum on his home planet.

[Elli]

How do you make a cat go woof?

cover it in petrol and throw a match

WOOF

Ok, I just laughed right out loud!

[websiex]

Two Jewish children are sitting on top of a roof near a chimney.
A passer-by asks, 'What are you doing there?' 'We are waiting for our parents.'

[Bama]

1. The last fight we had was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

2. In the beginning God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then neither God nor man has rested.

3. My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog.

4. Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mother-in-laws.

5. Young son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.

6. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

7. How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

8. If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

9. Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late."

10. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they look beautiful.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Luke's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.
After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products she asked, "Darling, honestly what age would you say I am?"
Looking over her carefully, Luke replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty-five."
"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed.
"Hey, wait a minute!" Luke interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet."


-------------------------------------------------------

This husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed.
However, as soon as they settled down, the man leans over and whispers softly, "Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lickle hubby wubby isn't quite ready for bye-byes yet."
The wife takes the hint and says, "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first."
So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face. Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone "Oh my little honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?"
No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for three hours. Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.


Her husband looks over and grunts "Clumsy bitch."

[gimo33]

what goes ooooooooooooo?

a cow with no lips

[gimo33]

Q: Why did God give men penises?
A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

------------------------------

when 100 married men were asked what they liked about oral sex from their partners 98% said they enjoyed the silence!

-------------------------------

Q: What do electric trains and women's breasts have in common?
A: They were originally intended for children but it's men who play with them.

-------------------------------

[Spunky]

Lol..some pretty good jokes there

[DamageX]

This husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed.
However, as soon as they settled down, the man leans over and whispers softly, "Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lickle hubby wubby isn't quite ready for bye-byes yet."
The wife takes the hint and says, "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first."
So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face. Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone "Oh my little honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?"
No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for three hours. Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.


Her husband looks over and grunts "Clumsy bitch."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMFG, I think I just shit myself!

[Slick]

What do you call a lesbian driving a truck full of dildos ??
Dick Van Dyke

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball ??
Gluuggguuuhhhgggguuuuhhhhgggg

[prezzz]

You should always switch your electricals off at night, except fridges and life-support machines. Otherwise you'll waste a lot of vegetables. - Jimmy Carr

[gimo33]

What's the difference between someone who falls from the 10th floor and someone who falls from the first floor?











10th floor:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!
CRASH!

1st floor
CRASH!.....
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! !

[ukxtra]

You people are fucking evil....and I'm bookmarking this thread

[gimo33]

A guy goes into the chemist to buy some condoms.

“What size?” Asks the clerk. “I don’t know” he replies. The clerk says “Go and see Sophie in aisle 4

He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the crotch and yells “Medium!”

The guy is mortified. He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly.

Another guy comes in to buy condoms and gets sent to Sophie. He grabs him and yells “Large!”. The guy struts over to the register, pays and leaves.

A high school boy comes in to buy condoms.

“What size?”. The kid embarrassedly says “I’ve never done this before I don’t know what size”. He gets sent to Sophie, she grabs him and yells ……

“Cleaners needed in aisle 4!”

[VideoContentSource]

Micheal Jackson is at the Neverland ranch with several young boys, and is frolicing in the hot tub with the group, when all of a sudden some sperm floats to the surface of the water, and Micheal says " OK, which one of you fellas farted".

Two prostitutes were standing out on a street corner one night talking about how hard times were.

1st prostitute: "Girl, times are so hard these days, that I had to turn a trick last night just to get cab fair home!"

2nd Prostitute: "Shit! You think that's bad? I had to turn a trick last night just to get something warm in my stomach!"

[chodadog]

Why do they call a pap smear a pap smear?

Because it's better than calling it a cunt scrape.

[gornyhuy]

(said to a guy)
Q:How can you tell if your brother is gay?
A:His dick tastes like shit.

That Anal Rapist Took My Dreams and Rectum.

[notabook]

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? The pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

[gimo33]

Q. what do you call an exploding monkey?
A. a babOOOOOOOOOOOOm

---------------------------

Man walks up to a woman in a night club and says "Hi, the names Bond"
the woman says "oh don't tell me........James Bond?" The chap says

"No Uni Bond and I'm here to fill your crack?!"

---------------------------

What did the Dad buffalo say when he left his son

Bison

[websiex]

That Anal Rapist Took My Dreams and Rectum.

Rectum? Damn near killed his ass!

and

Cocktales? I don't drink em; I tell em.

[gimo33]

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise".

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly with two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.

He has not, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening and demands an explanation.

"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"

The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."

The Waiter replies..............


" Ah... So solly .............. I bring you the Peeking Duck".

[gimo33]

A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The women notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No," he replies, "Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."

The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"

"Well, it says you're not wearing any knickers...."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing knickers!"

Bond smirks, taps his watch and says,
"Bloody thing's an hour fast.."

[SilkyJohnson]

Micheal Jackson is at the Neverland ranch with several young boys, and is frolicing in the hot tub with the group, when all of a sudden some sperm floats to the surface of the water, and Micheal says " OK, which one of you fellas farted".

Damn that was a good one, all kinds of messed up....but a good one!

[gimo33]

A blind man is sitting at a bar when he loudly announces "Listen up, I know the funniest blonde joke you'll ever hear".

The Barman leans over and says "Are you sure you wanna tell that joke mister? Before you do, you'd better understand that I'm blonde; the big guy sitting next to you is blonde; and that huge, mean guy standing by the door, that's my bouncer and he's blonde too".

"Oh okay, perhaps I'll save it for another time" says the blind man, "I don't wanna have to explain it five times"

[gimo33]

There's an Englishman, Irishman & a Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters.

The Englishman says "I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smoked".

The Scotsman says "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank."

With that the Irishman says "Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found packet of condoms.
I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a willy."

[schneemann]

What's the best thing about getting a handjob from any 8 year old boy?











































Your cock looks really BIG in the pictures

[ukxtra]

Two necrophiliacs are at work in the morgue. One of them turns to the other and says,
"You should have seen this woman they brought in last week. They pulled her out of the water after she'd been there for three weeks. Man, I'm tellin' you, her clit was just like a pickle."
"What," the other asks, "green?".
"No," says the first, " a bit sour."

or

Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son.

The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?"

The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14


and

Man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a huge hole in my ass"
The doctors says "drop your pants, bend over and let have a look". "Fuck me!!" says the doctor " what could have made a hole as big as that?"
Patient replies I've been fucked by an elephant".
The doctor says "An elephants penis is long and thin, this hole is enormous".
Patient replies "He fingered me first".

[TampaToker]

Q: Why did Michael Jackson shop at K-Marts

A: He heard kids pants were half off

[nikooo]

wtf..............

[woj]

50 bad taste jokes

[TGVinny]

Q: What's the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies?
A: You can only unload one of them with a pitchfork.

Seriously, dead baby jokes. I didn't read the whole thread and stopped here.

Paused, then giggled!

Q: What do you get when you skin a dead baby?
A: Erection

Q: What's better than fucking a dead baby against a barb wire fence?
A: Nothing

Q: What's the difference between a Cadillac and 10,000 dead babys?
A: I don't have a Cadillac in my garage

Ok I can't believe I know that many, funny part is a hot drunk girl told all of those to me!