Originally Posted by baddog (Post 12021265)

hmmm, I thought this ended about 5 1/2 hours ago. Where are our winners?

Originally Posted by D-Money (Post 12021389)

2 jokes.

Joke #1 - .XXX

Joke #2 - Acacia

Let me know when I've won this officially.

Originally Posted by DamageX (Post 12006613)

k, I'll bite. :)

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls 911. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Originally Posted by Deej (Post 12013254)

A guy walks into a bar carrying a brown paper bag.

He sits on a stool at the bar and ask the bartender for a drink.

As the bartender brings the guy his drink, he reaches into his paper bag and pulls out a tiny piano. Sits it on the bar. Reaches back into the bag and pulls out an equally small bench seat.

Amazed, the bartender looks at it and ask if it really works.

Without saying a word the guy reaches back into the bag and pulls out a tiny little man about a foot tall. He sets the little man down and he goes right to his piano and starts playing an rousing refrain of cer' dulac.

The bartender just astonished asks the guy, "Where in gods name did you get a little man and a little piano??"

The guy reaches once again into his paper bag and pulls out a genies lamp.

"I found this and I rubbed it and a Genie came out, he gave me one wish."

The bartenders eyes widened and he says, "Ill buy all your drinks tonight if you let me make a wish!"

The guy gives the bartender the lamp and the bartender immediatly starts rubbing the lamp to get the genie to come out.

With a whoosh the genie emerges in a puff of blue smoke.

"You have released me, I shall grant you one wish!" said the genie.

Without hesitating, the bartender blurts out, " I WANT A MILLION BUCKS!"

The genie claps his hands and says, " Your wish is my command!" and as quick as he whooshed in, he was gone, back into his lamp.

So there they both sit. No stack of cash.

But then a duck walks in..... and another....and another.....they just keep piling in.

Soon the whole bar is riddled with ducks....quacking everywhere. Feathers and bills gaggling about.

The bartender, getting a bit perturbed looks at the guy and says, "Man, I think your genie is deaf as shit, I dont want all these fuckin ducks in here!!"


The guy looks at him equally disgruntled and says....


NO SHIT!! You really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?!?!

Originally Posted by baddog (Post 12021999)

congrats to the winners . . . knew mine was too accurate to win.

Originally Posted by Deej (Post 12022077)

Whatya talkin about, mine was based totally on a true story

Originally Posted by baddog (Post 12022096)

I know, I read it in a history book about 45 years ago ;p

Originally Posted by DamageX (Post 12006613)

k, I'll bite. :)

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls 911. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Originally Posted by Juilan (Post 12021077)

A Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?"

First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue" Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange."

The second little boy says"Trees are definitely green" "Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."

Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks "Does a fart have lumps?"

The teacher looks horrified and says "Johnny! Of course not!!!"

"OK. Then I DEFINITELY shit my pants."

Originally Posted by SCOOTER (Post 12024188)

DamageX I need your Info ..


If not I will have to pick someone else.:thumbsup