I'm on a mission - GoFuckYourself.com

08-01-2002, 01:03 AM

I want to hit the 5k today and I have approx. 7h to do so.

FATPad · 08-01-2002, 01:04 AM

Wanna cyber?

08-01-2002, 01:06 AM

sure thang. I'm on a roll today. The boss's sick at home, nobody to watch my ass.

FATPad · 08-01-2002, 01:08 AM

I know everyone's probably already seen this, but I thought it was funny dammit. So here it is again. I love it when I can't sleep. Everything old is funny again.
<----------------------------------------------------------------->

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36C-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 5'9" and about 140 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to make love?

Wellhung: OK.

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breathe harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a soggy plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.<>

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-- our naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner's all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

Sweetheart: logged off

Pornwolf · 08-01-2002, 01:10 AM

??? What's goin on here?

chodadog · 08-01-2002, 01:11 AM

Still makes me laugh, fatpad

nocostporn · 08-01-2002, 01:13 AM

aahaha i never saw that... Lemme try my hand at that... MY mission

FATPad · 08-01-2002, 01:13 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by chodadog
Still makes me laugh, fatpad

HAHA me, too.

I think I may have to go find a chatroom and fuck with people's heads.

Amputate Your Head · 08-01-2002, 01:16 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Equinox
I want to hit the 5k today and I have approx. 7h to do so.

cannot be done grasshopper....

you have the will, but lack the strength....

only when the great buffalo crosses the river will you know true love....

you must walk on....

08-01-2002, 01:18 AM

ROFLMFAO ! ! ! That was the best cyberchat I've ever seen !

08-01-2002, 01:21 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Amputate Your Head

cannot be done grasshopper....

you have the will, but lack the strength....

only when the great buffalo crosses the river will you know true love....

you must walk on....

grasshopper ? behold, I'm turning into a centipede. Run, poor man !

Strength, fuck strength. I have a comfy chair, a 21" screen and lotsa time.

Great buffalo ? Fuck, I ate it last night...

Walk on .... after my mission.

Hot Tropical Babes · 08-01-2002, 01:21 AM

OMG, That was freakin tooo funny! we should all hit the aol chat room together and raise hell LOL
BTW, I have never seen that! Thank you for the very much needed laugh. I have had a rotten day filled with

but this helped

ldinternet · 08-01-2002, 01:22 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Equinox
I want to hit the 5k today and I have approx. 7h to do so.

For a moment there I thought you were talking about $
           

FATPad · 08-01-2002, 01:24 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hot Tropical Babes
OMG, That was freakin tooo funny! we should all hit the aol chat room together and raise hell LOL
BTW, I have never seen that! Thank you for the very much needed laugh. I have had a rotten day filled with
but this helped

HAHA A bunch of porn webmasters in AOL rooms out to do nothing but act like idiots. That'd be funny as hell. HAHAHA

08-01-2002, 01:24 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by ldinternet

For a moment there I thought you were talking about $
           

Not much work getting done over here

Fucking firewall here (no ftp) - and 33.6 at home (no ftp there either)

KingK7 · 08-01-2002, 01:37 AM

Fugly.com has some pretty funny "chats"...
This one is my favorite by far:
http://fugly.com/victims/harrym_27/text/

Cheshire · 08-01-2002, 01:43 AM

omg fatpad ~ too funny

roseyrid · 08-01-2002, 10:07 AM

that was too fucking funny!

08-01-2002, 01:03 AM	#1
X37375787 Guest Posts: n/a	I'm on a mission I want to hit the 5k today and I have approx. 7h to do so.

08-01-2002, 01:13 AM	#7
nocostporn Confirmed User Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Maryland Posts: 5,228	aahaha i never saw that... Lemme try my hand at that... MY mission __________________ CashTheChecks.com -coming soon- "Exclusive sites for Exclusive Webmasters" ICQ-119966868,add me first don't message

08-01-2002, 01:21 AM	#12
Hot Tropical Babes Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Orlando FL Posts: 3,014	OMG, That was freakin tooo funny! we should all hit the aol chat room together and raise hell LOL BTW, I have never seen that! Thank you for the very much needed laugh. I have had a rotten day filled with but this helped __________________ <BR> Trade with Big Tits TGP Trade with Titman

08-01-2002, 01:04 AM	#2
FATPad Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 6,693	Wanna cyber?

08-01-2002, 01:06 AM	#3
X37375787 Guest Posts: n/a	sure thang. I'm on a roll today. The boss's sick at home, nobody to watch my ass.

08-01-2002, 01:08 AM	#4
FATPad Confirmed User Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 6,693	I know everyone's probably already seen this, but I thought it was funny dammit. So here it is again. I love it when I can't sleep. Everything old is funny again. <-----------------------------------------------------------------> Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like? Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36C-24-36. What do you look like? Wellhung: I'm 5'9" and about 140 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny. Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to make love? Wellhung: OK. Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge. Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat. Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest. Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling. Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly. Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly. Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing. Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry. Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive. Wellhung: I'll pay for it. Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breathe harder and harder. Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors? Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you. Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp. Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me. Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat! Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear. Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm. Sweetheart: What? Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really. Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse. Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a soggy plop. Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool. Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee! Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties. Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute. Sweetheart: What's the matter? Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking. Sweetheart: Are you OK? Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red. Sweetheart: Can I help? Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups? Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink. Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.<> Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover. Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now. Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you. Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom? Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall. Wellhung: I found it. Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly. Wellhung: Me too. Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-- our naked bodies pressing each other. Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts. Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses? Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table. Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby! Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom. Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover. Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid. Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return. Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh! Sweetheart: What's the matter now? Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way. Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on. Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing. Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it! Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here. Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now! Wellhung: I'm flaccid. Sweetheart: What? Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection. Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner's all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong. Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse. Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles. Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes. Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face. Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser! Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo! Sweetheart: logged off

08-01-2002, 01:10 AM	#5
Pornwolf Drunk and Unruly Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Hollywood Posts: 22,712	??? What's goin on here?

08-01-2002, 01:11 AM	#6
chodadog Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 9,736	Still makes me laugh, fatpad

08-01-2002, 01:18 AM	#10
X37375787 Guest Posts: n/a	ROFLMFAO ! ! ! That was the best cyberchat I've ever seen !

08-01-2002, 01:37 AM	#16
KingK7 Confirmed User Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 6,372	Fugly.com has some pretty funny "chats"... This one is my favorite by far: http://fugly.com/victims/harrym_27/text/

08-01-2002, 01:43 AM	#17
Cheshire Confirmed User Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: Rosen-Villin Posts: 5,738	omg fatpad ~ too funny

08-01-2002, 10:07 AM	#18
roseyrid Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: LA Posts: 1,058	that was too fucking funny!