Maxim's 50 Lamest Thing of All Time - GoFuckYourself.com

Fap · 01-31-2007, 05:50 PM

50. Dogs in handbags
Wasn?t picking up their shit enough? If you need a pet you can carry everywhere, check out intestinal parasites.

49. Adults on scooters
There?s a time for a man to put away his action figures and enter the big-boy world. Lose the Razor and get a car.

48. ?Crazy,? by Gnarls Barkley
Danger Mouse and Cee-Lo. Great on their own, annoying together. The song?s catchy as plague, but it kills you slowly.

47. Whale tails
We have nothing against the top of a gal?s thong (or, for that matter, the actual tail of a whale). The retardedly large spoiler on the back of your Honda? Retarded.

46. Pictures of your children
They?re the light of your life. Doesn?t mean they?re interesting to look at (unless it?s your 17-year-old twins on spring break).

45. Convoluted bongs
Last we checked, you could get high using an apple and aluminum foil. Let?s make some sacrifices, folks?there?s a war going on!

44. Men in helmets
Playing for the Packers? Jumping your bike over the Snake River? If not, let the wind whip through your frickin? hair already.

43. Dane Cook
Some comics get better each time out. And others prove to be Boston frat-boy douchebags who used up their 15 minutes of funny long ago. Goodbye!

42. Utah
Unlike Nevada, this desert doesn?t offer slots or hookers (and makes it tough to get booze). There?s more to life than tabernacle choirs, Mormons.

41. ?That?s just the way I roll.?
During the last election, seven different states voted in favor of ballot initiatives stating that stabbing to death anyone who uses this phrase is justifiable homicide. After all, brutally snuffing out the life of a fellow human being would be just their way of rolling.

40. Rappers who aren?t shot
We?re not saying that everyone needs to take nine slugs like 50 Cent, but one or two would be very much appreciated. Thanks, dawgs.

39. Comedy sketches on hip-hop albums
Most of them involve fat rappers boning (why, Biggie?). Even worse than Jamie Kennedy?s flow.

38. Breastless sideline reporters
Some jobs call for talent. Some call for eye candy. Give us fewer Jim Grays and more Melissa Starks.

37. Airplane neck pillows
They?re comfortable. They help you sleep. Still, using one is anti-American and, um, racist!

36. Frosted tips
So you think that there is nothing more embarrassing than baldness? You are miserably mistaken about that, Frostylocks.

35. Tripper?s game
Jack never closed the deal with any of his roomies (not even Janet!). Maybe he was gay.

34. Pepper Jack
Stupid cheese!

33. Dolphin swimmers
When these so-called second-smartest mammals evolve to the point that they can come up on the land, then we?ll hang with them. (It?s our turf or nothing, pseudo-fish.)

32. Men with lip piercings
How often do we have to go over this? For the last time, it?s not the lip but the tongue piercings that enhance the blow jobs, guys.

31. Throwing stars
When used by the ninja as they carried out assassinations in the dead of night, awesome. When used by you to dick around in the basement with your brother, weak.

30. ?It is what it is!?
Oh, we totally get it now! We?d been wondering what the hell it was, but we at last have an answer: it. Explain why God lets bad things happen to good people and we?ll call it a day, Kierkegaard.

29. Robin Williams: talk-show guest
He?s John Wayne! Then he?s gay! Then he?s gay John Wayne! No man makes unpredictability so predictable.

28. Premium gas
Racing in the Indy 500 anytime soon? No? Then we?re gonna need you to go ahead and use 89 octane like the rest of us motorists, m?kay?

27. White-boy Afros
Caucasians have stolen a lot of things from black culture, but no theft has been as awkward for both groups as this one.

26. Lottery winners with jobs
Let that oh-so-sweet Waffle House night manager gig go already.

25. Brad Pitt being all intellectual
He?s an actor. He can stare into a microscope at a stem cell photo op all he likes; he?s still as confused as Yasmine Bleeth.

24. Turf toe
You can miss a game with a broken pelvis, but any self-respecting linebacker who misses game day due to this ailment has, in fact, sand in his vagina.

23. Eddie singing
Never criticize Eddie Murphy?s movies (even when they?re Metro and Holy Man), because if he quits acting a comeback album awaits.

22. Minivans
A-Team sad.

21. Fauxhawks
Even more damaging to punk than Good Charlotte. Unless you?ve been adopted rehahacently by Angelina Jolie, there?s no excuse

20. Virtual reality
What the hell happened? Wasn?t there supposed to be an alternative level of existence so utterly and totally ass-kicking that we abandoned the actual world for it already? The Lawnmower Man was bullshit, yo!

19. Bode Miller
We actually have something in common with this celeb skier: Neither of us won a damn thing at the 2006 Winter Olympics.

18. White-collar bikers
Your name is Irwin, you?re a dickwad, and you work at a law firm. Get off the hog and head back to the cigar bar.

17. Jim Belushi
According to Jim makes every other TV program seem pretty solid by comparison. After 20 years in show biz, he?s crap. Was great in Thief, though.

16. The wispy mustache
A man can go clean-shaven or grow a beard, but the only folks who should rock peach fuzz are 12-year-old boys (and 80-year-old women).

15. Dream catchers
For people brave enough not to run into Mommy?s room when they have a nightmare but scared enough to require an eBay ?Native American artifact? before they can sleep.

14. Baby boomers
Decidedly not the greatest generation, they?re why Barry Manilow won?t go away. Putting them in nursing homes shall be sweet.

13. Popped collars
Complete list of people who can get away with this look: Elvis, Elvis impersonators, Dracula. Everybody else, tuck them down. Dick.

12. Soft-core porn
As pointless as a no-contact version of the UFC. The actresses are faking in hardcore, too, but at least they?re grinding in the general vicinity of the guy?s crank. (We demand plausibility!)

11. Paul Haggis
Did you know folks of different races sometimes don?t get along, but under the skin are pretty much the same? Kudos for that lesson again, Crash.

10. Tail on the puck
Wasn?t watching hockey unpleasant enough without bringing in a technology that makes every slap shot look like a sperm cell?

9. Kanye West
We may forgive his temper tantrum onstage after losing MTV Europe?s Best Video award. But his gloves-and-sunglasses look is straight-up ass clown.

8. Vegan bacon
The key to good bacon is?stay with us on this one?pork. And no matter how much you pretend you love soy, that won?t change, kelp boy.

7. ?A grande decaf venti caramel soy macchiato.?
Has there ever been a source of more nauseating phrases than Starbucks? A man should only need to know two words to order coffee: regular and decaf. (And frankly, decaf?s kind of a pussy move.)

6. Cell phone holsters
A heavy cell phone weighs five ounces. You don?t need to strap yourself like Steve McQueen in Bullitt to carry it.

5. Nancy Grace
This utterly bat-shit harpy is one of the few TV hosts to have a guest literally go kill herself (hey, it?s still better than listening to Nancy).

4. Crooks finding Jesus
The recently convicted can locate Him all they want?they?re getting drilled by burly nonbelievers in the shower anyway.

3. Women who stop at the bottom of the escalator
Ladies, the ride?s over: Continue 20 more paces, then have that brain fart.

2. MJ?s second comeback
How to cap off a career of unadulterated excellence? Why not two playoff-free years with the Wizards? Perfect!

1. Mandals
Another crime against humanity courtesy of the Germans.

full story:
http://www.maximonline.com/articles/...aspx?a_id=7430

StarkReality · 01-31-2007, 05:59 PM

Yep, and Mandals combined with white knee socks are even worse !

Fap · 01-31-2007, 06:42 PM

"12. Soft-core porn
As pointless as a no-contact version of the UFC. The actresses are faking in hardcore, too, but at least they’re grinding in the general vicinity of the guy’s crank. (We demand plausibility!)"

what do all you porn people think of that?

dennisthemenace · 01-31-2007, 07:03 PM

8. Vegan bacon
The key to good bacon is—stay with us on this one—pork. And no matter how much you pretend you love soy, that won’t change, kelp boy.

---

hehe.. the wife eats fake bacon.. makes the kitchen, living room and hallway smell like smokey, chemical garbage for about an hour after she makes it.

Kard63 · 01-31-2007, 07:18 PM

I am insulted that Nancy Grace was lsited and Bill O wasnt. Fuck them.

BTW I hate Nancy too, just not as much as republicans.

96ukssob · 01-31-2007, 07:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by banthis

"12. Soft-core porn
As pointless as a no-contact version of the UFC. The actresses are faking in hardcore, too, but at least they?re grinding in the general vicinity of the guy?s crank. (We demand plausibility!)"

what do all you porn people think of that?

ZOINKS!

well then, looks like there is no money to be made in soft-core porn since maxim deems it lame

StickyGreen · 01-31-2007, 07:30 PM

What's lame is that list...

crockett · 01-31-2007, 07:35 PM

Is Maxim in the top 50?

woj · 01-31-2007, 07:37 PM

pretty good list

gecko · 01-31-2007, 07:52 PM

someone running out of content

tony286 · 01-31-2007, 08:02 PM

I like Dane Cook

01-31-2007, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by banthis

44. Men in helmets
Playing for the Packers? Jumping your bike over the Snake River? If not, let the wind whip through your frickin? hair already.

Pretty stupid. It's illegal in most places to not wear a helmet. I assume they are talking about on motorcycles and atv's, etc. I usually don't wear a helmet on my 4 wheeler but you have to be ready to run from the cops if you don't want a hefty fine.

ungratefulninja · 01-31-2007, 08:48 PM

That list itself is lame. Was it meant to be funny?

Fap · 01-31-2007, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by evildick

Pretty stupid. It's illegal in most places to not wear a helmet. I assume they are talking about on motorcycles and atv's, etc. I usually don't wear a helmet on my 4 wheeler but you have to be ready to run from the cops if you don't want a hefty fine.

I was wondering that too

CDSmith · 01-31-2007, 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by banthis

24. Turf toe
You can miss a game with a broken pelvis, but any self-respecting linebacker who misses game day due to this ailment has, in fact, sand in his vagina.

Oh SHIT that's beautiful

Fap · 01-31-2007, 09:36 PM

My Audi only takes premium..

28. Premium gas
Racing in the Indy 500 anytime soon? No? Then we’re gonna need you to go ahead and use 89 octane like the rest of us motorists, m’kay?

SteveLightspeed · 01-31-2007, 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by banthis

12. Soft-core porn
As pointless as a no-contact version of the UFC. The actresses are faking in hardcore, too, but at least they?re grinding in the general vicinity of the guy?s crank. (We demand plausibility!)

haha, good one!

CDSmith · 01-31-2007, 10:16 PM

I'm surprised that USFL thing, the football league started by McMahon the wrestling mogul, isn't in that list somewhere. That was one of the the lamest fiascos and utter failures I've seen for TV sports ever.

I don't remember it lasting even one full season.

madawgz · 01-31-2007, 10:33 PM

that was a nice read, haha

Catalyst · 01-31-2007, 10:37 PM

it was a waste of time to read..

01-31-2007, 05:50 PM	#1
Fap Just Du It Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 12,094	Maxim's 50 Lamest Thing of All Time 50. Dogs in handbags Wasn?t picking up their shit enough? If you need a pet you can carry everywhere, check out intestinal parasites. 49. Adults on scooters There?s a time for a man to put away his action figures and enter the big-boy world. Lose the Razor and get a car. 48. ?Crazy,? by Gnarls Barkley Danger Mouse and Cee-Lo. Great on their own, annoying together. The song?s catchy as plague, but it kills you slowly. 47. Whale tails We have nothing against the top of a gal?s thong (or, for that matter, the actual tail of a whale). The retardedly large spoiler on the back of your Honda? Retarded. 46. Pictures of your children They?re the light of your life. Doesn?t mean they?re interesting to look at (unless it?s your 17-year-old twins on spring break). 45. Convoluted bongs Last we checked, you could get high using an apple and aluminum foil. Let?s make some sacrifices, folks?there?s a war going on! 44. Men in helmets Playing for the Packers? Jumping your bike over the Snake River? If not, let the wind whip through your frickin? hair already. 43. Dane Cook Some comics get better each time out. And others prove to be Boston frat-boy douchebags who used up their 15 minutes of funny long ago. Goodbye! 42. Utah Unlike Nevada, this desert doesn?t offer slots or hookers (and makes it tough to get booze). There?s more to life than tabernacle choirs, Mormons. 41. ?That?s just the way I roll.? During the last election, seven different states voted in favor of ballot initiatives stating that stabbing to death anyone who uses this phrase is justifiable homicide. After all, brutally snuffing out the life of a fellow human being would be just their way of rolling. 40. Rappers who aren?t shot We?re not saying that everyone needs to take nine slugs like 50 Cent, but one or two would be very much appreciated. Thanks, dawgs. 39. Comedy sketches on hip-hop albums Most of them involve fat rappers boning (why, Biggie?). Even worse than Jamie Kennedy?s flow. 38. Breastless sideline reporters Some jobs call for talent. Some call for eye candy. Give us fewer Jim Grays and more Melissa Starks. 37. Airplane neck pillows They?re comfortable. They help you sleep. Still, using one is anti-American and, um, racist! 36. Frosted tips So you think that there is nothing more embarrassing than baldness? You are miserably mistaken about that, Frostylocks. 35. Tripper?s game Jack never closed the deal with any of his roomies (not even Janet!). Maybe he was gay. 34. Pepper Jack Stupid cheese! 33. Dolphin swimmers When these so-called second-smartest mammals evolve to the point that they can come up on the land, then we?ll hang with them. (It?s our turf or nothing, pseudo-fish.) 32. Men with lip piercings How often do we have to go over this? For the last time, it?s not the lip but the tongue piercings that enhance the blow jobs, guys. 31. Throwing stars When used by the ninja as they carried out assassinations in the dead of night, awesome. When used by you to dick around in the basement with your brother, weak. 30. ?It is what it is!? Oh, we totally get it now! We?d been wondering what the hell it was, but we at last have an answer: it. Explain why God lets bad things happen to good people and we?ll call it a day, Kierkegaard. 29. Robin Williams: talk-show guest He?s John Wayne! Then he?s gay! Then he?s gay John Wayne! No man makes unpredictability so predictable. 28. Premium gas Racing in the Indy 500 anytime soon? No? Then we?re gonna need you to go ahead and use 89 octane like the rest of us motorists, m?kay? 27. White-boy Afros Caucasians have stolen a lot of things from black culture, but no theft has been as awkward for both groups as this one. 26. Lottery winners with jobs Let that oh-so-sweet Waffle House night manager gig go already. 25. Brad Pitt being all intellectual He?s an actor. He can stare into a microscope at a stem cell photo op all he likes; he?s still as confused as Yasmine Bleeth. 24. Turf toe You can miss a game with a broken pelvis, but any self-respecting linebacker who misses game day due to this ailment has, in fact, sand in his vagina. 23. Eddie singing Never criticize Eddie Murphy?s movies (even when they?re Metro and Holy Man), because if he quits acting a comeback album awaits. 22. Minivans A-Team sad. 21. Fauxhawks Even more damaging to punk than Good Charlotte. Unless you?ve been adopted rehahacently by Angelina Jolie, there?s no excuse 20. Virtual reality What the hell happened? Wasn?t there supposed to be an alternative level of existence so utterly and totally ass-kicking that we abandoned the actual world for it already? The Lawnmower Man was bullshit, yo! 19. Bode Miller We actually have something in common with this celeb skier: Neither of us won a damn thing at the 2006 Winter Olympics. 18. White-collar bikers Your name is Irwin, you?re a dickwad, and you work at a law firm. Get off the hog and head back to the cigar bar. 17. Jim Belushi According to Jim makes every other TV program seem pretty solid by comparison. After 20 years in show biz, he?s crap. Was great in Thief, though. 16. The wispy mustache A man can go clean-shaven or grow a beard, but the only folks who should rock peach fuzz are 12-year-old boys (and 80-year-old women). 15. Dream catchers For people brave enough not to run into Mommy?s room when they have a nightmare but scared enough to require an eBay ?Native American artifact? before they can sleep. 14. Baby boomers Decidedly not the greatest generation, they?re why Barry Manilow won?t go away. Putting them in nursing homes shall be sweet. 13. Popped collars Complete list of people who can get away with this look: Elvis, Elvis impersonators, Dracula. Everybody else, tuck them down. Dick. 12. Soft-core porn As pointless as a no-contact version of the UFC. The actresses are faking in hardcore, too, but at least they?re grinding in the general vicinity of the guy?s crank. (We demand plausibility!) 11. Paul Haggis Did you know folks of different races sometimes don?t get along, but under the skin are pretty much the same? Kudos for that lesson again, Crash. 10. Tail on the puck Wasn?t watching hockey unpleasant enough without bringing in a technology that makes every slap shot look like a sperm cell? 9. Kanye West We may forgive his temper tantrum onstage after losing MTV Europe?s Best Video award. But his gloves-and-sunglasses look is straight-up ass clown. 8. Vegan bacon The key to good bacon is?stay with us on this one?pork. And no matter how much you pretend you love soy, that won?t change, kelp boy. 7. ?A grande decaf venti caramel soy macchiato.? Has there ever been a source of more nauseating phrases than Starbucks? A man should only need to know two words to order coffee: regular and decaf. (And frankly, decaf?s kind of a pussy move.) 6. Cell phone holsters A heavy cell phone weighs five ounces. You don?t need to strap yourself like Steve McQueen in Bullitt to carry it. 5. Nancy Grace This utterly bat-shit harpy is one of the few TV hosts to have a guest literally go kill herself (hey, it?s still better than listening to Nancy). 4. Crooks finding Jesus The recently convicted can locate Him all they want?they?re getting drilled by burly nonbelievers in the shower anyway. 3. Women who stop at the bottom of the escalator Ladies, the ride?s over: Continue 20 more paces, then have that brain fart. 2. MJ?s second comeback How to cap off a career of unadulterated excellence? Why not two playoff-free years with the Wizards? Perfect! 1. Mandals Another crime against humanity courtesy of the Germans. full story: http://www.maximonline.com/articles/...aspx?a_id=7430

01-31-2007, 07:03 PM	#4
dennisthemenace Confirmed User Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: In the present moment Posts: 2,668	8. Vegan bacon The key to good bacon is—stay with us on this one—pork. And no matter how much you pretend you love soy, that won’t change, kelp boy. --- hehe.. the wife eats fake bacon.. makes the kitchen, living room and hallway smell like smokey, chemical garbage for about an hour after she makes it. __________________ All the best to you

01-31-2007, 07:18 PM	#5
Kard63 Confirmed User Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: 237 619 975 Posts: 8,944	I am insulted that Nancy Grace was lsited and Bill O wasnt. Fuck them. BTW I hate Nancy too, just not as much as republicans. __________________

01-31-2007, 07:30 PM	#7
StickyGreen . Industry Role: Join Date: Oct 2003 Posts: 13,076	What's lame is that list... __________________ Refer Cam Girls and Take Home 10% of Everything They Make For Life

01-31-2007, 07:35 PM	#8
crockett in a van by the river Industry Role: Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 76,806	Is Maxim in the top 50? __________________ In November, you can vote for America's next president or its first dictator.

01-31-2007, 05:59 PM	#2
StarkReality Confirmed User Join Date: May 2004 Location: 4 8 15 16 23 42 Posts: 4,444	Yep, and Mandals combined with white knee socks are even worse !

01-31-2007, 06:42 PM	#3
Fap Just Du It Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 12,094	"12. Soft-core porn As pointless as a no-contact version of the UFC. The actresses are faking in hardcore, too, but at least they’re grinding in the general vicinity of the guy’s crank. (We demand plausibility!)" what do all you porn people think of that?

01-31-2007, 07:37 PM	#9
woj <&(©¿©)&> Industry Role: Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Chicago Posts: 47,882	pretty good list __________________ Custom Software Development, email: woj#at#wojfun#.#com to discuss details or skype: wojl2000 or gchat: wojfun or telegram: wojl2000 Affiliate program tools: Hosted Galleries Manager Banner Manager Video Manager Wordpress Affiliate Plugin Pic/Movie of the Day Fansign Generator Zip Manager

01-31-2007, 07:52 PM	#10
gecko ****** Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 21,846	someone running out of content __________________ [email protected]

01-31-2007, 08:02 PM	#11
tony286 lurker Industry Role: Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: atlanta Posts: 57,021	I like Dane Cook

01-31-2007, 08:48 PM	#13
ungratefulninja Confirmed User Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 682	That list itself is lame. Was it meant to be funny?

01-31-2007, 09:36 PM	#16
Fap Just Du It Industry Role: Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 12,094	My Audi only takes premium.. 28. Premium gas Racing in the Indy 500 anytime soon? No? Then we’re gonna need you to go ahead and use 89 octane like the rest of us motorists, m’kay?

01-31-2007, 10:16 PM	#18
CDSmith Too lazy to set a custom title Industry Role: Join Date: May 2001 Location: My network is hosted at TECHIEMEDIA.net ...Wait, you meant where am I located at? Oh... okay, I'm in Winnipeg, Canada. Oops. :) Posts: 51,460	I'm surprised that USFL thing, the football league started by McMahon the wrestling mogul, isn't in that list somewhere. That was one of the the lamest fiascos and utter failures I've seen for TV sports ever. I don't remember it lasting even one full season. __________________ *Promote Wildmatch, ImLive, Sexier.com, and more!!* ALWAYS THE HIGHEST PAYOUTS: Big Bux/ImLive SIGNUP ON NOW!!! Put some PUSSYCA$H in your pocket. ICQ me at: 31024634

01-31-2007, 10:33 PM	#19
madawgz 8.8.8.8 Industry Role: Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Noordermarkt Posts: 30,509	that was a nice read, haha __________________ TAEMDLRMSKRJIXMRLSMRJ.

01-31-2007, 10:37 PM	#20
Catalyst Confirmed User Industry Role: Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Vegas Posts: 3,243	it was a waste of time to read..