If the Bible has taught us nothing else

[Shoehorn!]

"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else -- and it hasn't -- it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot-oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such-and-such."

[MyNameIsNobody]

so true!

[reynold]

lol

That's how it should be.

[jacklaidlaw]

very true

[NinjaSteve]

that's true!

[AsianDivaGirlsWebDude]

I am proud to say that I also enjoy the classics. I love to read Homer:

If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing!

Children are our future. Unless we stop them now.

English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.

Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, you.

My wife's not some doobie to be passed around! I took a vow on our wedding day to bogart her for life.

Volunteering is for suckers. Did you know that volunteers don't even get paid for the stuff they do?

Roads are just a suggestion Marge, just like pants.

I just wish once someone would call me "Sir" without adding, "You're making a scene."

I wish God were alive to see this.

Operator! Give me the number for 911!

All these guys with six pack abs, and I'm the only one with a keg.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

I was working on a flat tax proposal and accidentally proved there was no God.

Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate, and with the Internet and all, they practically raise themselves.

American donuts. Glazed, powdered and raspberry-filled. Now how's that for freedom of choice?

Canada? Why would I want to leave America just to visit America, Jr.?

I never apologize, I'm sorry but that's the way I am.

I'd love to go to church, honey, but I've got a lot of work to do around the bed.

Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.

He's trying to hypnotize me, and it's not in that good Las Vegas kind of way.

What's the point of having children if you can't buy their love?

Marge, this ticket doesn't just give me a seat. It also gives me the right, no, the duty, to make a complete ass of myself.

Internet. They have that on computers now?

Extended warranty! How can I lose?

I wanna set the record straight. I thought the cop was a prostitute.

Son, you don't want beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs.

People can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that.

The other day I was so desperate for a beer, I snuck into the football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers.

God bless those pagans!

To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

You couldn't fool me on the foolingest day of the year with an electrified fooling machine.

First you tell me not to buy the pony, now you're telling me to take it back. Make up your mind!

In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy to be a man. Let's see. Don't tattle. Always make fun of those different from you. Never say anything, unless you're sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do.

Flanders, it's no use praying. I already did the same thing, and we can't both win.

No offense, Apu, but when they were handing out religions you must have been out taking a whizz.

Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation.

If God had wanted me to go to church for an hour a week, he would have made the week an hour longer.

Kill my boss? Do I dare to live out the American dream?

This gun had a hold on me. I felt this incredible surge ofha power, like God must feel when he's holding a gun.

Why, you could wake up tomorrow and be dead.

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose?it's how drunk you get.

Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike?you just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number one, "Cover for me." Number two, "Oh, good idea, boss!" Number three, "It was like that when I got here."

Because sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves!

Asleep at the switch? I wasn't asleep, I was drunk!

Quiet you kids. If I hear one more word, Bart doesn't get to watch cartoons, and Lisa doesn't get to go to college.

I can't wear a pink shirt to work. Everybody wears white shirts. I'm not popular enough to be different.

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!

(Praying) Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever...thy bidding will be done.

What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway.

Internet! Is that thing still around?

Trying is the first step towards failure.

All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.

You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college.

America's health care system is second only to Japan...Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well, all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay.

Rock stars. Is there anything they don't know?

Ah, the college roadtrip. What better way to spread beer-fueled mayhem?

Bart, you're saying "butt-kisser" like it's a bad thing!

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution.

Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true.

I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.

Stupid T.V. Be more funny.

I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I?m around.

Now I prepare my soul for an eternity of fire and poking.

I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.

Without TV, it is hard to know when one day ends and another begins.

I may be naked and reeking with panda love, but I have my dignity.

I don't have to be careful. I've got a gun!

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel.

If I didn't have this gun, the King of England could just walk in here anytime he wants and start shoving you around.

I'm just trying to get into heaven. I'm not running for Jesus.

DOH!!!



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[E$_manager]

Homer is the best.

[jmk]

mouha! good ones!